To prefer to be able to use a flushed loo even when the DCs are in bed

[ViviPru]

I ran a search before posting as I thought this has probably been covered in depth before. But seems not.

I honestly don't know if IBU or not, in fact this isn't really an AIBU, I just wanted to see what other people's experience is, really.

When DCs (particularly very small DCs) are poor sleepers, I appreciate that you'd want to avoid making any kind of noise that could disturb them. I recently visited friends which involved an overnight stay and it was made clear that the loo must not be flushed between certain times. I didn't think too much of it as my sister had a similar rule when my niece was small, but this was the first time I'd actually stayed overnight anywhere and had to use a loo previously used by several other people and not flushed and it left me feeling a bit boaky.

I concluded that I'd rather just gip a bit than be responsible for setting off a pair of screaming children, but it was really rather unpleasant.

It got me wondering what others did/do in these circs? Is having DCs that are a nightmare to settle so all-encompassing that something as trivial as expecting your guests to pee on a pile of other people's waste really is the last of your worries? I can imagine that it really could be, and if so fair enough. If there's just the two of you and you're used to this rule, I can see why you wouldn't want to make exception for when guests visit. But my Mum thinks that even easily disturbed DCs can and should get used to sleeping through a toilet flush. Should they?

Madness. I can't not flush, whatever the time of day. Leaving wee or worse to fester in the loo? Bleugh. My children have never woken up and fussed because of a flushing loo in the night. Totally agree with DublinMammy

DS1 - no issues with sleep, didn't cross our minds to change our habits.

DS2 - nightmare sleeper, months and months of sleep deprivation whilst doing stressful jobs and long commutes. Yes, we did the no flush at night thing as it took up to an hour to get him off and he could be up for two hours in the night on occasion. I don't care if it was insane - you do what you must to survive.

What's with all the going to the toilet at night? Do people really do this routinely? Unless I'm ill it's very rare I need the toilet at night. Nor do the rest of our family so the flush/no flush argument is almost irrelevant. I remember though waking up at a friend's house with horrible stomach ache in the middle of the night and rushing to her loo just in time for an epic diarrhea (sp?) episode. I should add that I flushed . Even so I felt sorry for the next person in there .

Drcoconut. Kids or babies go to bed reaaally early. You may need to use the loo between then and yourself going to bed even if you don't get up in the night.

when i had my children as baby's i would hoover in their room when they were sleep. have music on. and do all the normal things i do. they are all really good sleepers. i'm really glad i done it that way. i would hate not to be able to flush the loo and the older kids sitting in silence because the toddler is sleeping.

We have friends like this. They took 2 hours every night to get their 15 month old to sleep, the same child who went down like a lamb every time we babysat them! And they did the "holding breath" thing if there was any kind of noise after 7pm. They have incredibly creaky stairs in their incredibly old house, and were like meerkats whenever anyone went upstairs (including their long term lodger, who didnt seem to mind!). Their main loo was opposite the childs room, and they would allow flushing but did the meerkat thing for a good half hour after each flush! Oh, and no TV was allowed at all. During the day this was because it was bad for the childs development and at night in case it woke the child up. Was a barrel of laughs

It was ridiculous. They have since had another child, but we havent visited (they live 400 miles away), I would be interested to see how they cope with noisy older child and the new baby!

Ha - I had your experience pre-kids when I stayed overnight at a friend's house. I decided then and there that if I ever had kids - unlikely at that point - I wouldn't be pissing about worrying whether to flush a bloody toilet.

And what about post-kids, Heath?

I'm still open mouthed at people saying they don't flush everytime they use the toilet, even for a wee! I am sorry but I find that really gross. And it smells too. I'm very sensitive to smells and couldn't bear it when I stayed at my (otherwise very clean) pil's house and they had that rule (if its yellow...) Its absolutely yuck. I'd rather pay more for my water and flush more. But then our water is £60 a month as we're always washing flushing and showering.

My dc sleep through the toilet being flushed. I'd hate to stay somewhere where I wasn't allowed to flush it.

Ewww.....surely that makes the toilet really rank by the next morning? Not to mentioned the aerosised poo particles floating around in the air eww, eww, eww.

Personally I've always been as noisy as possible around the kids at night to avoid this sort of thing. They sleep through everything!

DD, DS1 and DS2 could sleep through a pub PA system when we lived upstairs, due to this, I thought all DC's would get used to noise around them after a while.

NOT TRUE.

I can cough downstairs, and DS3 will wake up, in his bed, upstairs. If I flushed the loo it WOULD wake him up. It has been a steep learning curve for me, having a light sleeper. I run the tap to wash his bottles, he's awake. One of my other DC's FARTS in their sleep, and he's awake.

After 18 months of little sleep, constant night wakings, etc., I would be handing DS3 to the person who insisted on flushing the chain when he woke up!!

Why on earth are these kids getting mollycoddled like this? My dd would sleep through ww3. The parents have made these children light sleepers by keeping everything so quiet when they're asleep.

I'd feel sick using an unfleshed toilet, and they're B U to expect guests to use unflushed toilets. Yuck.

Vivi - yep, still flush! .

I never noticed whether they were disturbed by the flush or not.

Sleep deprivation makes you mental. So you do 'mad activity'. I don't think it starts like this.

I do flush when my DC are in bed, but both of them have been ok sleepers. People whose children do not sleep deserve every sympathy. They have been driven into this type of shenanigan I'm sure.

And Pasha you made me lol

We stayed with friends recently whose 2 year old dd is a terrible sleeper. With 4 children of our own and a dog, it was pretty hard to creep around the whole time she was in bed, but our friends were so, so exhausted after 2 years of v. little sleep that I would have done anything not to disturb her or them even more! I took to going downstairs if I needed the toilet in the night so as not to wake her. Sleep deprivation is miserable.

It's up to them what they do when it's just them in their own home. But expecting guests not to flush (and to use an unflushed loo) is pretty gross IMO. And rude.

Especially if it's only one night, surely the kids can cope with that?

Namechange that really isn't true. As noted DS1 sleeps through everything, DS2 doesn't. I am a light sleeper, DH isn't. I snore: people who snore are not in as deep a sleep as people who don't. Is it my parents' fault that I snore or is it my anatomy?

We were pretty impressed with ourselves about what a good sleeper DS1 was. Oops.

Do you have more than 1 child Namechange? I was sure I was the world's best parent when ds1 slept through at 8 weeks. 3 more children later and it would be lovely if ds4 aged 6 would sleep through regularly

I do think Namechange has a bit of a point in that if you insist on absolute quiet when they are in bed, black out blinds and X brand night light from day one then after a while they will only sleep like that and any deviation could cause sleep problems in a child that would otherwise have been ok.

Thats not to say that you dont sometimes get bad sleepers no matter what you do and in those cases you do do whatever it takes to get some shut eye.

"The parents have made these children light sleepers by keeping everything so quiet when they're asleep."

Not true. DS is an awful sleeper. Our place is fairly noisy with our clumping upstairs neighbour and car engines revving outside (near to traffic lights) and police sirens etc. Plus we have the creakiest floorboards known to man. You'd think he'd get used to it but he doesn't and still wakes up because of certain noises (though at other times will sleep through them).

Yet after DS goes to sleep, unless it's a poo we don't flush. Why? Because after 11 months of sleep deprivation, if I did something that could be avoided (unlike noisy neightbour/cars etc.) that woke DS up I would cry. Because I am exhausted. And getting him off to sleep is a battle. And getting him to stay asleep is a battle. And wanting him not to be disturbed as much as possible is normal.

If we had guests I wouldn't dream of saying no flushing I'd just accept that DS would be woken up by the flush and we'd have yet another bad night.

As it is, DH and I tend to go once in the evening each and I go once or twice in the night. But as we don't turn the light on we don't see the piss. We put the lid down after each use and whoever gets up first flushes the loo.

As the fact that we don't flush doesn't affect anyone else in the slightest I really don't care what others think.

OP, do you have dcs? Sleep issues drive people to do the most peculiar things. We have friends who will never go out to lunch with their nearly 3yo, because her nap is so sacrosanct and eat with the baby monitor on the table even though the child is in the next room, a couple of feet away. As for you lot who can't cope with a yellow unflushed toilet, get a grip. Save water. We never flush at night for that reason (though in fairness wouldn't ask that of a guest)

So people think I managed to get 3 older children to sleep through LITERALLY anything, yet have no choice but to creep around my fourth child if I want HIM to get enough sleep (never mind ME), have somehow made him like that?!

Bollocks.

Until he was 7mo, I carried on as normal, TV on normal volume, flushing chains, older DC's being noisy etc. by the time he was 7mo, I was so sleep deprived, I HAD to start keeping things a bit quieter. I'm hoping he bloody grows out of it tbh, it's a total PITA!

Well couthy good sleepers are of course down to the parents, nothing at all to do with the child

I'm just wondering what we've done to deserve a baby that needs so little sleep and is such a light sleeper. DH and I were wonderful sleepers as babies [sob]

Um, I think Couthy was agreeing with you Bartus.

hope i did nt wake my neighbours children last night by flushing

oooooooo yuk what if you need to flush a tampon away