To prefer to be able to use a flushed loo even when the DCs are in bed

[ViviPru]

I ran a search before posting as I thought this has probably been covered in depth before. But seems not.

I honestly don't know if IBU or not, in fact this isn't really an AIBU, I just wanted to see what other people's experience is, really.

When DCs (particularly very small DCs) are poor sleepers, I appreciate that you'd want to avoid making any kind of noise that could disturb them. I recently visited friends which involved an overnight stay and it was made clear that the loo must not be flushed between certain times. I didn't think too much of it as my sister had a similar rule when my niece was small, but this was the first time I'd actually stayed overnight anywhere and had to use a loo previously used by several other people and not flushed and it left me feeling a bit boaky.

I concluded that I'd rather just gip a bit than be responsible for setting off a pair of screaming children, but it was really rather unpleasant.

It got me wondering what others did/do in these circs? Is having DCs that are a nightmare to settle so all-encompassing that something as trivial as expecting your guests to pee on a pile of other people's waste really is the last of your worries? I can imagine that it really could be, and if so fair enough. If there's just the two of you and you're used to this rule, I can see why you wouldn't want to make exception for when guests visit. But my Mum thinks that even easily disturbed DCs can and should get used to sleeping through a toilet flush. Should they?

I live in the Highlands, we get enough water.
I'll certainly use it to flush the loo.

Haha pacha i need something!

Once stayed at my ex's parents house and they never flushed the toilet at night. Went in to find someone had done a huge smelly poo and was just left there with dirty toilet paper! So vile...I flushed the toilet and didn't care if I woke anyone up. At home we flush the toilet in the middle of the night, don't even think about it.

DublinMammy You've practically paraphrased my Mum . The 'mad activity' you describe has pretty much been the scene in my sister's house for the first 5 years of my DN's life.

I once stayed with a friend who has an "only flush poo" rule (due to ancient plumbing). I was on my period and wasn't really sure where the policy lay with a bowlful of blood. I flushed so she probably thought I had the runs.

It never occurred to me to creep around the house piddling silently into unflushed lavvies when my dcs were small. Let alone expect guests to do similarly! And having never got into the habit - even after bringing my pfb home when we did all sorts of other ludicrous things! - we just expected our babies to cope with nocturnal lavatorial workings.

Tbf when DS had no issues I used to flush. It's only now I get an hour a night if I'm lucky that I decided that there was no way I was going to risk him waking (which he would)

We don't get guests. Surprisingly

When my bf comes up (if DS goes to sleep he gets a text) he will not go to the toilet till he goes home! I've never asked him not to go but he is petrified of waking him.

It's only now I get an hour a night if I'm lucky

dozy That's almost the situation our friends are in. Their DCs are both under 2 and are terrible sleepers. I'm not sure of the history - i.e. whether they've always crept around like they do now, how long the DCs have been this bad, but they're prepared to do anything not to risk them waking. Which was why I was sympathetic and just acquiesced.

My inlaws don't flush at night.

There are no dc in their house.

It's nasty.

We don't always flush at night for a wee, but of course we would always flush a poo and would never ask guests not to flush. There was a time when we worried about focusing waking up the dc but of course it never did. They were, and still can be, very hard to settle but the sound of the flush has never woken them. One of the most sensible things anyone said to me when dd1 was a baby, was not to tiptoe round being quiet when they are asleep.

Urgh - no, I don't want to use an unflushed toilet! And I wouldn't be happy about not flushing after myself either - especially when out and about.

Surely children just need to get used to normal household noises - and given a couple of times they generally will do too. Not good for them to get used to only being able to sleep in complete silence.

Always always flush. Think it's totally skanky not to and chances are it won't wake anyone up

Vivi I don't know... I couldn't imagine asking guests not to flush. I guess it depends how close you are tbh.

I never tiptoed around DS as a baby I used to Hoover and everything when he napped as I am a little bit obsessive with housework.

Didn't make a difference when he got big though he wakes up when I roll over never mind flush the loo

Just flush. I've done it for 11 years and never woken any of my children. And of course let your guests flush.

We're good friends, but certainly not super-close warts-and-all like you get with some pals. I think they're both just so completely frazzled that it wouldn't have crossed their mind that we might be a bit (that's gip, not envy).

I did wonder what our more snooty, judgy mutual friends might make of it though.

When DS was a baby he would wake at the sound of a pin dropping. We were so sleep deprived we crept around when he was asleep, didn't flush the loo, I even bought a new duvet because ours was too rustly and woke him up every time I turned over. MIL said we were making a rod for our own back, and we shouldn't tiptoe around him because he needed to learn to sleep through noises, but we were so desperate for sleep we ignored her.

DS is 3 now, and will sleep through anything. We can flush away to our hearts content, watch tv in bed, talk at a normal volume, even go in his room to put away washing etc without waking him. So us creeping around for the 1st year of his life obviously didn't make him hyper-sensitive to noise at all.

We have a tiny house, so don't have guests to stay overnight. Although we did sometimes have people over after he'd gone to bed, and on occasion we'd ask them not to flush. It was rare though, so we usually didn't bother asking them, and just accepted we'd have to spend the next half hour getting DS back off to sleep. Depended who it was too - if it wasn't family or a very close friend we'd let them flush!

I agree with others. In your own house when no guests it's fine to leave a wee but always flush a poo away. When guests are visiting they should be left a clean toilet to use and should be able to get rid of their own waste without feeling embarrassed.

Vivi poor things they probably can't see past their own sleep. Neither can I sometimes I got very annoyed with the poor window cleaner for knocking on the door and waking DS up the other week. He only wanted paying (I didn't act annoyed just inwardly seethed until i realised I was being ridiculous) and don't get me started on the ice cream can at 9:30!

Van... Not can

I even bought a new duvet because ours was too rustly This made me

I know my comeuppance will be the worlds most audio-sensitive child. I'll be that woman who forces guests to pee in a bucket in the garden.

God that is minging, making guests not flush. Eew.

I'm more than happy for guests to flush as long as they're happy to spend two hours settling the nightmare child afterwards. Strangely enough they choose not to flush.

I'd raise an eyebrow at unflushed poo, but wee....really? It's just wee! And nobody's being asked to bathe in it or anything, it's just there in the loo, not hurting anyone.

God that reminds me ViviPru, I have actually peed in a bucket rather than risk going upstairs and waking him! I sound totally crazy now I've written all these things down! At least he's a fantastic sleeper now, I didn't ruin him!