To prefer to be able to use a flushed loo even when the DCs are in bed

[ViviPru]

I ran a search before posting as I thought this has probably been covered in depth before. But seems not.

I honestly don't know if IBU or not, in fact this isn't really an AIBU, I just wanted to see what other people's experience is, really.

When DCs (particularly very small DCs) are poor sleepers, I appreciate that you'd want to avoid making any kind of noise that could disturb them. I recently visited friends which involved an overnight stay and it was made clear that the loo must not be flushed between certain times. I didn't think too much of it as my sister had a similar rule when my niece was small, but this was the first time I'd actually stayed overnight anywhere and had to use a loo previously used by several other people and not flushed and it left me feeling a bit boaky.

I concluded that I'd rather just gip a bit than be responsible for setting off a pair of screaming children, but it was really rather unpleasant.

It got me wondering what others did/do in these circs? Is having DCs that are a nightmare to settle so all-encompassing that something as trivial as expecting your guests to pee on a pile of other people's waste really is the last of your worries? I can imagine that it really could be, and if so fair enough. If there's just the two of you and you're used to this rule, I can see why you wouldn't want to make exception for when guests visit. But my Mum thinks that even easily disturbed DCs can and should get used to sleeping through a toilet flush. Should they?

Aaargh at the 'rod for own backs' brigade. Seriously some babies are light sleepers. They just are. They do get better DozyDuck. DD will sleep through anything now. But from birth through to 9m she woke at everything, a good night was 8 wakings a bad night was 20. And the bathroom was next to her bedroom so no we never flushed in the night (though I suppose we would have if we'd done poos but this never happened).

I don't remember instructing guests not to flush but I did get driven spare by guests coming and wanting to stay up chatting till midnight when I needed to get to bed by 10. My sisters thought I was really rude and it was proof I was no fun after DD arrived but I was crippled by exhaustion, not to mention the fact that I have epilepsy which is triggered
by sleep deprivation.

And yes I hoovered and played the radio and did all the noisy stuff around her in the day. Made no sodding difference. Just kept her awake so she slept worse at night.

I think ViviPru that your friends sound like they are in the worst bit of sleep deprivation and that it is lovely that you have the sense to see that. At some point they will look back at the no-flushing the toilet part of their lives and laugh (and be bloody grateful it is over).

Pippop DS was 6 in June it's not getting better just worse here.

I don't think I'd ever make guests not flush but if I had an NT child who woke easy I'd probably employ a 'you wake em you take em' policy

(with close friends, but I only have close friends)

We flush.
Kids have to learn to self settle/sleep through normal household noise.

Sorry, but I never asked anyone not to flush the loo, nor would I not flush the loo in someone elses house, kids or no kids.

I just can't be doing with tip-toeing around sleeping babies. We don't live in a silent world, they need to get used to noise.

If I visit a certain friend and she greets me at the door with her finger over her lip saying 'shhhh he's asleep' I just say I'll come back another time. I'm not whispering in somebody's house and creeping around like some cat burglar.

Not flushing the loo is insane.

DozyDuck Oh balls! Still after 6 years bad sleep I think you reserve the right to make people poo in the garden if you so wish.

Nancy66, my DS did get used to noise - as I said he now sleeps through anything. But he was the same as Penelope's DD, just an extremely light sleeper to begin with. Some babies will sleep through noise, others won't. Our's definitely wouldn't, and we did try to begin with. Being quiet around him didn't affect the way he sleeps now at all, so I agree with Penelope about the 'rod for your own back' brigade!

Haha pippop I don't think I could go that far. People are usually more scared than me of waking him though he will descend onto them and monopolise the conversation with 'do you need a wee?' asked over and over again for 2 hours

I actually don't think I could bring myself to ask guests to not flush the chain though! I think i would probably say 'try not to wake him' but I couldn't ask them that.

I don't want to go upstairs and risk seeing someone else's poo to be quite honest!

I couldn't not flush a toilet. It's a bug bear of mine when people don't.

It's awful when a child is a light sleeper but at the same time you can't make the world fall silent for them!

On a normal no-visitors night, me and DH don't flush the loo in the night if we've only had a wee. We've done this since before we even had DCs, mainly cos DH is a very light sleeper and his parents/family did the same . I have a very noisy family who have no thought for anyone else in the night/early morning, so I was glad to go along with it.

We do ask DD (an early riser) not to flush the loo(if a wee) very early inthe morning too, as it wakes DS (who loves a lie-in).

HOWEVER, I would NEVER ask visitors to do the same, and I would always flush if visitors were staying.

Trying telling DS to get used to noise, his 19 month older sister wakes him most days with her noise. I naively thought he would have no choice but to get used to a noise. Then again I also thought he would sleep in the car instead of howling for most of the journey (still does at 10 months) and not cry in the buggy when he used to have to lay flat. He still doesn't sleep in the buggy but he is mostly quiet.

Most people don't start off being quiet around their babies, they just walk further into that path as they attempt to find things that work.

I get scared that I'll have to poo at a particular friends house because she would get so angry if I flushed. She's convinced it would wake up dd, but toilet is downstairs so it really wouldn't, she's a bit mental about her dd.
I don't know what I'd do if I needed to poo!

but anyway, when we have guests they are free to flush or not, although we ask for general quiet in the first hour they are off/going off.

I'd just flush the toilet, it's minging to insist guests don't. In fact if I am at the ILs somewhere they don't flush I'll always flush before I use the loo. It's not like we live in the Sahara, there's plenty of water in Scotland.

I genuinely don't think ops friends thought about the grossness they are probably just bloody shattered and can't see past that to be fair on them. I'm sure we have all been there

My parents had this rule, even when I was an adult.
It's gross.
I always flush the toilet, DD just had to get used to it.

When dd was going through the hell that was reflux, if I had managed to get her to sleep and some fucker woke her up I would go mad.

Now that the reflux has gone, you could put a brass band in her room and she wouldn't wake

We didn't worry about flushing until DS wend through the 4 month sleep regression and he went from sleeping through anything to waking up if we rolled over too noisily. He was such a nightmare to settle that I stopped flushing the upstairs loo (and told DH off for sneezing!). He's 12 months old now and lots better, I can put laundry away in his room and all sorts now without waking him up.

I worried about everything waking ds when he was little, including dh eating crisps loudly in the sitting room and filling a glass of water in the kitchen. I cringe at my former self but have every sympathy for those in the midst of it. 18 months without a full night's sleep is a shock to the system. I would have hidden my fear from the guests though and encouraged them to flush.

I think that if u create a 'silent sleep' in the house from a young age u can be making a rod for your own back. Me & DH haven't tip toed round since DS was about 6months old. Our 2 dogs bark, I Hoover, dry my hair, flush the chain etc - he never wakes up. We're not noisy on purpose but it's nice not to have to be really, really quiet.

As for weeing on others wee - id be afraid of splash back! Eugh!

Can I suggest going in the sink next time?

Paha

I find it quite funny that it's always people who have these daft rules who have the light sleepers. Have they created the lights sleepers or have the lights sleepers created them? Either way I think it's ott and that people should be able to sleep through a normal level of noise and expecting guests to use an unflushed toilet is gross.

'I find it quite funny that it's always people who have these daft rules who have the light sleepers. Have they created the lights sleepers or have the lights sleepers created them?'

In our case it was the latter. DS would sleep through all sorts of noise when he was brand new, then after about a month the tiniest thing would wake him and he was such a nightmare to settle still is that we took to creeping around. We didn't take it as far as not flushing the loo but I remember asking my mum to close the bathroom door quietly because it always woke him up. Once when she was staying I got DS down for a nap and asked her to listen out for him so I could go and have a desperately-needed sleep myself. She decided to get in the shower, which had a v loud pump that backed onto DS's room. He woke up and she didn't hear him because of the sound of the water so I had to get up. I was

I agree with Penelope and Obviously - some kids are v light sleepers, and usually the parents suffer enough already without people telling them they're PFB or they've made their child like that by being quiet when they're asleep

As other posters said, from about 7/8 months DS began to sleep more deeply and I can now go into his room, put away laundry etc without waking him.

OP you sound lovely - keep showing your friends understanding - if they're going through what we did, they'll need it.

I used to stay with someone who had five DC's who all seemed to use the loo in the night and didnt flush...Seeing and smelling up to 7 peoples worth of piss on a morning is rank. Piss staying in a loo possibly 10-12 hours is being rank, no wonder it was full of scum.

I dont mind to odd wee being left without flushing, though DS quite often forgets to do his and halfway though the day I wander upstairs wondering what the smell is

My DD was a light sleeper (when she actually slept!) from when she was pretty much born. She would wake whenever the pram stopped moving (ie when I was waiting for the green man), wake up when the car stopped at traffic lights etc. It was exhausting. So we have learnt to keep the noise down around her. She is now nearly 2. We are relatively quiet when she is sleeping because of the way she is, she is not the the way she is because of us.

It is easy to say babies have to learn to sleep through lots of noise, but as a PP said, sometimes making lots of noise just simply means they end up being awake more.

I always thought all babies could sleep anywhere and envisaged myself spending maternity leave out for coffee with DD sound asleep in her pram. Not a chance. So, all babies are different....

Downstairs loo!

But if upstairs, we still flushed. My kids would sleep through a 10 ton truck driving through their bedroom