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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be very very upset that my friend gave my DC a sip of coffee.

108 replies

megandraper · 19/08/2012 14:47

DS is 4. He is also coeliac.

In a cafe, while I was in the loo, apparently. Friend was giving her own child a sip of coffee, and offered DS one too. DS said 'Is it gluten free?' Friend said 'Yes', and gave it to him.

I don't think you should give other people's young children coffee, but especially not when they are coeliac. Friend could not have known if the coffee was safe. Even a tiny sip of anything that has been contaminated will cause damage. It wasn't her decision to make. Before I went to the loo, we had just been discussing the difficulty of ensuring safe food (I brought food for DS to the cafe, he didn't eat theirs).

I only found out several days later, when DS mentioned it. This may explain the tummy ache he had for a few days.

It just makes me feel very upset. I work so hard to ensure that DS has safe food, and there is still a long way to go before all his pre-diagnosis damage is repaired and he's back to full health.

Unlikely to see this friend again for a long time (we were visiting her town, which is a long way from ours) so may not be worth raising with her. It's just another worry. I've already had the 'always ask if something is gf' conversation with DS, now I will have to have the 'who can you trust to give you an accurate answer' conversation too.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 19/08/2012 14:51

I was about to say Yabvu but YANBU considering your ds has a medical condition and she knows it. Silly woman I would bring it up in conversation again how important it is for ds to have a strict diet, even a sip of coffee leaves him with bad stomac ach fr days

Wigglewoo · 19/08/2012 14:53

We are a family of coeliacs. Maybe your friend didn't realise that coffee can contain gluten? Its not an obvious one like biscuits or bread for example. Personally I don't have an issue with children having a sip of coffee - my dd has always (since maybe 3/4) enjoyed a mug of warm milk with a teeny bit of coffee ... Different parenting I guess.

I'm sorry your dc was poorly. I'd let it go with the friend and maybe tell ds that coffee isn't suitable so in future he can say no himself?

ImperialBlether · 19/08/2012 14:55

I've just looked it up and found this:

According to the Celiac Sprue Association, or CSA, fresh-brewed coffee is gluten-free.

Read more: www.livestrong.com/article/283251-can-you-drink-coffee-with-a-gluten-free-diet/#ixzz2404Xv2VR

Sirzy · 19/08/2012 14:56

Coffee is something that should only be given with parents consent. To give to a child with medical problems is very daft

chocoluvva · 19/08/2012 14:58

Aaww. I'm so sorry that your little boy has coeliac's - it must be such a worry.
I'm not condoning your friend giving your DS a sip of coffee but I don't know if you're being unreasonable. It depends on what your friend was thinking. Did she think, 'I'm absolutely sure there won't be gluten in this because I know the ingredients are ground coffee and milk'? Or was she thinking 'For goodness sake what a fuss my friend makes- she's over-protective -one sip of coffee will be okay - she's probably exaggerating'?

ImperialBlether · 19/08/2012 14:58

It must be really frightening if your child has a problem like that to think of anyone giving them any food or drink.

givemushypeasachance · 19/08/2012 14:58

Well I would probably assume that coffee wouldn't trigger any sort of reaction for a coeliac, and that certainly just a sip wouldn't do any harm. Not everyone can be completely up to speed with what is and isn't suitable for people with different dietary issues unless they've had firsthand experience. I probably wouldn't offer a sip of coffee to someone else's child but I don't think your friend was being particularly unreasonable or reckless like someone offering a bit of peanut butter sandwich to a child with a peanut allergy - just explain to her that you would really rather no one but you gave him anything to eat or drink, unless you've vetted it. The more simple and straightforward the rule, the easier it is to follow.

PedanticPanda · 19/08/2012 14:58

I thought you were being completely reasonable just by going on your thread title, it should be up to the parent whether they want their child to drink coffee or not, and after reading the OP you are definitely not being unreasonable!

Sirzy · 19/08/2012 15:00

Surely when it comes to allergies you should never assume but make sure you check first?

gothicangel · 19/08/2012 15:01

it was coffee not crack! get a grip!!!

yes she shouldnt have let him have any but its not going to do him any harm!

and im a coeliac so i know the worry about food and drink ect, but its coffee! please dont let your sons coeliac take over his life,

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 19/08/2012 15:02

i would have had no idea that coffee was not safe for a coeliac

Viviennemary · 19/08/2012 15:09

I don't think she should have given him coffee at the age of four. It was really silly of her. But please now put it behind you. I'm sure he won't have come to any harm.

sinkingflameofhilarity · 19/08/2012 15:10

I'm coeliac. Since when was coffee not gluten free?

I may have to rethink 50% of my diet or not

Ephiny · 19/08/2012 15:10

Maybe it would be better to teach him not to take food/drink from random people, rather than asking 'is it gf', if people can't always be relied on to give an accurate answer.

I'd guess it wouldn't occur to most people that there might be gluten in coffee or that it might cause a problem for the gluten-sensitive.

PorkyandBess · 19/08/2012 15:12

My boss is coeliac, she drinks normal coffee all day long. I thought it was gluten free too.

gothicangel · 19/08/2012 15:14

normal coffee and milk IS GLUTEN FREE!

CakeBump · 19/08/2012 15:15

I don't get if the problem is with the coffee or the gluten?

If the problem is that he had gluten, and there's no gluten in coffee then.... ta da! no problem!?!

valiumredhead · 19/08/2012 15:16

Coffee IS gluten free isn't it?Confused

I know it's worrying, someone gave my ds a nutty chocolate while I was in the bathroom once and he has a sever allergy.

DottyDot · 19/08/2012 15:20

I'm coeliac and drink coffee all day every day regularly. It's tricky - if your friend is aware your son is coeliac, she should know to be very careful, but then I would have assumed coffee is absolutely fine in terms of being gluten-free. Giving someone else's child coffee is a bit weird anyway - I wouldn't offer another child coffee/tea until they're secondary school age cos I think of them as bein 'grown up' drinks.

The worry/panic about gluten contamination is understandable, but try not to let it dominate everything - life unfortunately isn't gluten-free and family/friends will make mistakes - as will you and your ds from time to time. You can only do so much to protect him and he'll be getting better all the time which is great. The odd slip is scary and annoying but inevitable.

mummyinspain · 19/08/2012 15:23

I think it depends if we are talking about Coffee OR POSH Coffee. Ie one with syrup etc.

My understanding of Ceolic is that cross contimination can be a huge problem so if say the cups where next to the area when cakes where put onto plates it may be possible for "gluten" to be in the cup.

Same with spoons, etc

Also if Syrup coffee then there is a chance that one may contain Gluten.

Surely the safe thing it to say We better ask your Mum to check!

ImperialBlether · 19/08/2012 15:32

I think in that situation it must be hard to lose control over your child's diet.

PedanticPanda · 19/08/2012 15:32

So on mn coffee is ok for kids but fruitshoots aren't? :o

CailinDana · 19/08/2012 15:32

Perhaps your friend knew the coffee was gluten free? Especially seeing as your DS asked and she said yes. I find it annoying when people give food and drink to my child without checking with me first, and I can understand your added worry given that your child is coeliac but you do need to be careful that you don't get so hung up on it that it becomes a source of anxiety and difficulty for your son. Is his digestive system damaged from eating gluten before he was diagnosed? Is that why you're particularly careful about food?

I know a few children with allergies and how their parents have handled them has made a huge difference to their wellbeing. A couple of them are fearful food avoiders because of over anxious parents who have given them the impression that all food is potentially deadly while the the rest just manage it by remembering to ask about what's in different foods or bringing snacks if they can't be sure what they're eating. Being coeliac is tough and annoying but it's relatively easy to manage. Making it a source of conflict and difficulty with friends isn't going to help in the long run. I wouldn't bother saying anything in this case, as what your friend gave your child was actually gluten free and not dangerous.

Sirzy · 19/08/2012 15:33

Good point panda!

AGilchrist · 19/08/2012 15:34

are you upset she gave him coffee, because he is 4 has allergies.

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