To refuse to go? (enormously long, sorry, but I didn't want to drip feed)

[Some0ne]

We're going away to stay with DH's family at his parents' holiday home. DH's entire family (his 5 siblings, their OHs and kids ranging from 14 to 2 weeks) will be there. We were told a meal out was being booked because it's the first time everyone's been together down there in years, so it's a biggish deal.

It turns out that the meal is booked for 7pm, and 3 babysitters have been booked to look after the kids who'll be left at home. The babysitters are known by DH's family, and are 14ish. There will be children staying in two different houses on opposite sides of a road so I'm not sure how that'll work.

DS is 6 months old and has severe reflux, which is causing huge problems at the moment. He wakes looking for bottles at odd times during the night because he's mostly refusing to eat during the day, but is very difficult to feed because although he's hungry he doesn't want to let a bottle anywhere near him so he fights it. DH and I are the only ones who can feed him. My parents have tried and haven't been able to get a drop into him - he's that reluctant.

DD has just turned 2 and is very shy and nervous. She has never slept well anywhere but in her own cot in our house. She has spent the night in my parents' house a few times while I was in hospital but even though they mind her two days a week and she naps happily in their house, she won't go to sleep for them at night and cries herself sick every time. She's also nervous with strangers and would be extremely distressed if she woke at night in a strange room and a stranger came into her room to comfort her. Plus she's ill at the moment and has been having temperatures at night for the last few nights (though by tomorrow hopefully night the antibiotics will have kicked in so that may not be a concern), and while she's ill she's very clingy to me, so often during the night even DH can't comfort her.

DH doesn't see anything wrong with the situation, and his family obviously seem to think it's fine because they've arranged it. I don't want to be a spoilsport and I'd really like to go out to the meal (we haven't had a night out since DD was born due to lack of babysitters) but I just don't think I can leave the kids in a strange house with 3 14 year olds I've never met, under the current circumstances.

AIBU (or PFB and PSB!) to insist on being the only one to stay behind?

yanbu I would not leave either child in that situation

Oh, hello GabbyLogon. Back under a NC? You'd been away for a while.

And no, OP, not a cats chance in hell would I entertain the idea of leaving my DC's in the circumstances you are describing.

YANBU, you are being completely reasonable IMO. It wouldn't be fair on you, your children on the baby sitters. There will be plenty of time to see everyone during the rest of your holiday. My eldest DS is a very competent baby sitter, even with nappies and feeding, but he wouldn't feel comfortable to care for your littlest one. I hope you have a lovely time on the rest of your hols.

YaNbu. It's only one dinner, if they don't understand, tough.

no.fucking. way

How can anyone think a 14 year old is capable of looking after a 6 month old baby?? Yet alone one with reflux. Crazy. Yanbu.

I wouldn´t have left children of that age with a 14yr old who I didn´t know-even if I thought that they would sleep through.

I arranged childcare for my children.

No way would I be going to this meal in those circumstances. Be careful they don't cancel the other babysitters and leave you with two houses full of children to look after though.

There is no way on earth I would have left my DCs at that age with 14 year old babysitters and I am as far away from PFB as it gets

Op my ds1 had reflux. It was horrific, I really feel for you and your DS. But I could not have left him with anyone but my mum whilst he was a baby, it wouldn't have been fair on any inexperienced babysitter. Add that to your dd feeling under the weather and of course you are doing the right thing by staying home.

But if it were me, I wouldn't pretend to agree and then cancel last minute.
I would just say, I'm not happy leaving the DCs with teenagers that they don't know, dd is not feeling well, DS has reflux and it's not fair on the babysitter to have to try and cope with him. So I'll stay home, help out the babysitters. Hope you have a nice time.

So three babysitters & two houses?

Is the plan to put all the children together for the duration of the meal?

If so, I´d let it be known that that can still happen & you´ll be just across the road with your children should the babysitters feel that they need you.

yanbu

i would not go under those circs.

YANBU. I wouldn't go under those circumstances and I wouldn't be best pleased that somebody else had decided that it was reasonable for my DC & 12 others to be left with 3 teenagers over 2 houses. No way, anything could happen - even if they were the best sleepers, non clingy, no reflux etc.

I wouldn't leave a 6 mo with a 14 yo even without reflux.
As your DD is ill perhaps she shouldn't go near the 2 week old baby?

Is it even legal to leave a 14yr old in charge,
As i was told by the police when my 13yr old was walking my 18mth old up and down the street in her buggy that it was illegal until they are 14 and then are even then only allowed to watch siblings and only up until 10pm

there is no such law dementedmum, the officer was misinformed/lying

leaving babies in the charge of unknown 14 year olds sounds foolish in the extreme.

easy answer is.. your children your choice, you arent comfortable, dont do it

Gah. Go. Be at the end of a phone.

YANBU feeling uneasy about leaving so many young children with a couple of teenagers.

I babysat a large group of children with the help of my sister a few times when I was that age and looking back I dont think I would have had a clue what to do if there was an emergency!!

YABU over the fact that you sound a wee bit smug over the fact your 2 year old wont settle for anyone other than yourself-thats not really something to be encouraged or you and your dh will never get a night out together and that it not good for your marriage....

I'm with the OP - not a chance would I be happy with this.

14 kids....? That means 4 and 2/3rds of a child to each sitter, or 5 to 1, 5 to 1 and 4 to 1, with at least two of these kids under 1 y.o.

You're into Professional Child Minder country there, not teenager-doing-it-for-a-tenner.

I'm fairly convinced that's not legal. Even if it is, it's bloody stupid. Even if the family 14 yo helps out (and doesn't sulk about being 'babysat' by kids their own age!) that's still 3 and 4 to one ratio's of over excited kids to sitters.

Bad news, OP. I'd ring a SIL or two and have a chat.

Are your PIL the sort who are going to nag and whine and sulk at you, or are they reasonable (but a touch thoughtless)? If they are nice, there's going to be no problem with you saying 'Sorry, DD's offcolour and baby won't settle, bring me back a doggy bag.'

I would just stay behind - they should understand, and if they don't, its your children and you should do what you think best for them! you will see everyone on the holiday so you will still be able to catch up with them.
I would never leave such young children with a 14 year old, especially ones I didn't know well myself!

Why do people think that there are 14 children?

Where does it say that?