To refuse to go? (enormously long, sorry, but I didn't want to drip feed)

[Some0ne]

We're going away to stay with DH's family at his parents' holiday home. DH's entire family (his 5 siblings, their OHs and kids ranging from 14 to 2 weeks) will be there. We were told a meal out was being booked because it's the first time everyone's been together down there in years, so it's a biggish deal.

It turns out that the meal is booked for 7pm, and 3 babysitters have been booked to look after the kids who'll be left at home. The babysitters are known by DH's family, and are 14ish. There will be children staying in two different houses on opposite sides of a road so I'm not sure how that'll work.

DS is 6 months old and has severe reflux, which is causing huge problems at the moment. He wakes looking for bottles at odd times during the night because he's mostly refusing to eat during the day, but is very difficult to feed because although he's hungry he doesn't want to let a bottle anywhere near him so he fights it. DH and I are the only ones who can feed him. My parents have tried and haven't been able to get a drop into him - he's that reluctant.

DD has just turned 2 and is very shy and nervous. She has never slept well anywhere but in her own cot in our house. She has spent the night in my parents' house a few times while I was in hospital but even though they mind her two days a week and she naps happily in their house, she won't go to sleep for them at night and cries herself sick every time. She's also nervous with strangers and would be extremely distressed if she woke at night in a strange room and a stranger came into her room to comfort her. Plus she's ill at the moment and has been having temperatures at night for the last few nights (though by tomorrow hopefully night the antibiotics will have kicked in so that may not be a concern), and while she's ill she's very clingy to me, so often during the night even DH can't comfort her.

DH doesn't see anything wrong with the situation, and his family obviously seem to think it's fine because they've arranged it. I don't want to be a spoilsport and I'd really like to go out to the meal (we haven't had a night out since DD was born due to lack of babysitters) but I just don't think I can leave the kids in a strange house with 3 14 year olds I've never met, under the current circumstances.

AIBU (or PFB and PSB!) to insist on being the only one to stay behind?

If it was me, I would stay home then, and I'm sure your ILs would understand, with regards to your situation.

I wouldn't leave dd 15m with my friends 14yo (who has sibs aged 3,5,7 so plenty experience for longer than it took to nip across the road to the shop! Yanbu but fear ils may think you are being

"Go along with it", but then at the last minute you won't be able to go. Wave them all off, then you can help supervise the 14 yo babysitters - who would be in the most horrible situation if you weren't there.

That's what I would do (except my ILs wouldn't be so daft as to attempt to arrange anything like this).

Have you checked though? Are the other parents happy about the plan? Sounds like the consensus on here is that most people wouldn't do it, so it would be worth checking with BILs / SILs if they're okay with the plan, otherwise you might be able to get the lunch you'd prefer anyway.

There's no way I'd leave mine in the same situation.

I wouldn't go either. I can't believe the mother of the 2 week old will leave them with a 14 year old, they must be planning on bringing the baby with them (or staying behind too)

The others are all down there already so presumably were consulted. We won't be there till tomorrow so weren't.

I also wouldn't do it.

yanbu - maybe dh can go?

you'd think with the number of children in the family they would have gone for a daytime meal with everyone there and not relying on v young teenagers to look after v young children.

Not a hope in hell would I leave my son (7 months) with 14 year olds. Not even my sister who's around that age! Stick to your guns and don't let them pressure you to go!

OP I have had babysitters since both mine were 7wks old and they can easily be left, however, even without the reflux and sickness issues of your DD I would not leave mine with 14year old kids. Yanbu.

Perhaps you could still suggest going out another night with a few of them so you don't miss out entirely?

I also don't think you need to make up excuses, just say you don't feel comfortable leaving them!

Thanks folks, it's good to know I'm not being silly. I'll stick to my guns and DH can go without me.

You're not being silly at all - however, to avoid being press ganged all day tomorrow, I'd also just go along with it and then say at the last minute that you're not going.

Three 14 year olds and they'll be watching 14 children? I'd stay behind and watch my own kids and field questions and help out the 14 year olds as needed.

I wouldn't go either. I sometimes worried that I was a bit PFB with my eldest, but in hindsight, I am pleased that I trusted my instincts.

"Go along with it", but then at the last minute you won't be able to go. Wave them all off, then you can help supervise the 14 yo babysitters - who would be in the most horrible situation if you weren't there

This. Terrible headache you're about to come down with OP. just awful, will need an early night or you just won't enjoy the next day of the holiday....

I wouldn't entertain the idea of leaving my small children with strangers, especially 14 year olds. YANBU.

Totally YANBU, stay behind. I think 14-year-old babysitters are fine for children who can talk. Before they can express themselves I think it's too young (and yes, i babysat at 13 for a baby all evening and in retrospect WTF?)

However, I wouldn't have a 'headache' - I would tell your DH and also let your DH's parents know your plans as far in advance as possible. Doing it in an underhand way suggests this is something to be ashamed of, which is just bonkers. Let them get used to the idea beforehand rather than dumping it on them at the last minute, IMO that's only fair.

YANBU I wouldn't leave such young children in the care of a 14 year old. Don't make excuses, just say it how it is

I wouldn't go. I think people don't realise/forget that leaving little ones with a babysitter isn't always straightforward. 2/3 of mine had reflux and were very hard to leave with anyone as babies. The other one was no problem whatsoever. If I were you I'd cry off due to your kids being ill. Your dh can still go so not such a biggy. It's a shame they couldn't have organised something including the kids. I don't think I'd be happy leaving mine with an unknown 14 yr old regardless tbh.

Well I'd not be happy about the age of the babysitters, but the rest is a bit meh. How long will the meal realistically last? Three hours max, if DS gets really distressed you can jump in a taxi. With your DD hopefully she'll be better by then, get her to meet the babysitters beforehand so they are not "strangers".

Someone is leaving a 2 week old baby in the care of 14 year old stranger . Bloody hell.

if she's with the other kids your DD will probably have a whale of a time (although i doubt anyone will get much sleep ). IMHO you are being a little precious about her.

your DS is different. not a chance in hell should you leave him (reflux can be awful to deal with-oh the memories). Not fair on him or the baby sitters. personally I would be take him with something he can sleep in and just take him out when he gets upset/needs to feed.

I would have thought it is totally doable though and it would be a shame to miss out on something that clearly means a lot to your DH

Sounds like you have trained your babies well to be that dependent on you, well done.