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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to go? (enormously long, sorry, but I didn't want to drip feed)

124 replies

Some0ne · 15/08/2012 21:15

We're going away to stay with DH's family at his parents' holiday home. DH's entire family (his 5 siblings, their OHs and kids ranging from 14 to 2 weeks) will be there. We were told a meal out was being booked because it's the first time everyone's been together down there in years, so it's a biggish deal.

It turns out that the meal is booked for 7pm, and 3 babysitters have been booked to look after the kids who'll be left at home. The babysitters are known by DH's family, and are 14ish. There will be children staying in two different houses on opposite sides of a road so I'm not sure how that'll work.

DS is 6 months old and has severe reflux, which is causing huge problems at the moment. He wakes looking for bottles at odd times during the night because he's mostly refusing to eat during the day, but is very difficult to feed because although he's hungry he doesn't want to let a bottle anywhere near him so he fights it. DH and I are the only ones who can feed him. My parents have tried and haven't been able to get a drop into him - he's that reluctant.

DD has just turned 2 and is very shy and nervous. She has never slept well anywhere but in her own cot in our house. She has spent the night in my parents' house a few times while I was in hospital but even though they mind her two days a week and she naps happily in their house, she won't go to sleep for them at night and cries herself sick every time. She's also nervous with strangers and would be extremely distressed if she woke at night in a strange room and a stranger came into her room to comfort her. Plus she's ill at the moment and has been having temperatures at night for the last few nights (though by tomorrow hopefully night the antibiotics will have kicked in so that may not be a concern), and while she's ill she's very clingy to me, so often during the night even DH can't comfort her.

DH doesn't see anything wrong with the situation, and his family obviously seem to think it's fine because they've arranged it. I don't want to be a spoilsport and I'd really like to go out to the meal (we haven't had a night out since DD was born due to lack of babysitters) but I just don't think I can leave the kids in a strange house with 3 14 year olds I've never met, under the current circumstances.

AIBU (or PFB and PSB!) to insist on being the only one to stay behind?

OP posts:
Original poster
Some0ne · 15/08/2012 22:08

Vic, I'm sure the 2 week old will be brought, he's being breastfed and is presumably as easily portable as any 2 week old.

Wips, to DD my parents, who are extremely well known to her, are not acceptable at nighttime. Believe me, she's very, very shy and clingy.

OP posts:
lovebunny · 15/08/2012 22:09

i think your instincts are sound. stay with your children.

Original poster
Some0ne · 15/08/2012 22:13

And do it begins...

To reiterate:

DD is sick. Her temperature has been in the 39s the last 3 nights. It would be irresponsible to leave her with 14 year olds.

DS cannot be brought, he'd be so overtired he'd cry the place down and no-one would enjoy the night.

DH needn't miss out because he doesn't have to stay, I'm well capable of looking after both kids on my own.

LaLaGabby, you're clearly mad, bitter or just plain horrible and I'm not going to bother engaging with you.

OP posts:
mummy2midget · 15/08/2012 22:13

Lala wtf? There babies not puppies! Hmm

allnewtaketwo · 15/08/2012 22:13

Lala that is exceptionally harsh. One doesn't 'teach' such young children to be dependent upon their parents Ffs.

DS was z nightmare at night times for a long time yet was super happy to be left on child are in the day. I couldn't have had a babysitter at the age of OPs children, no way. Neighing to do with 'dependency' or how she had parented them

mummy2midget · 15/08/2012 22:15

But someone are you capable of looking after 14 kids if the ils decide to cancel the babysitters Grin

WipsGlitter · 15/08/2012 22:17

Well it looks like your mind is made up, just be prepared for being called a party pooper!

LunarRose · 15/08/2012 22:19

portable?!?! Shock

your DD will take her cues from you, ie "have fun, be good, I'll be back soon and i'll come in and give you a kiss even if you're asleep. if there's any problem (x) will call me and I'll be straight back" will produce a different response then "are you going to be ok, what if you need me etc....).

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/08/2012 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Some0ne · 15/08/2012 22:24

Yes, portable. Small babies are generally regarded by everyone I know as being more portable than bigger ones, and I agree.

Lunar, did you read my posts about her temperature?

OP posts:
carabos · 15/08/2012 22:25

20 min away by car, two separate houses, a mob of cousins who don't see each other very often and a couple of teenagers in charge Hmm. Just exactly whose stupid idea was that?

As someone said upthread, don't make a fuss, act as if it's all cool, then throw a sickie about 5 mins before you absolutely must leave in order to keep arguing time to a minimum.

LunarRose · 15/08/2012 22:25

If your DD is still consistantly raising a temp after 3 days of antibiotics I would be taking her back to the GP. if you get advice you can use Paracetamol and ibrupofen together to keep the temperature down

You have already decided to stay home, you are looking for people to agree with you and tell you you are doing the right thing.

personally in you position I would manage DS' activities/sleep during the day so he was either likely to be asleep or tired, afterall it clearly isn't often all your DH's family get together at the same time.

Kalisi · 15/08/2012 22:28

Judging by the tone of the OP it sounds like you have already made your decision and just want reassurance. So here it is....you should definately trust your instincts and stay home. If your children are not comfortable being left with strangers than experimenting with a group of 14 year old babysitters whilst you are a twenty minute drive away is not the best way to start. Dont worry about what DH family will think of you, there's far too much emphasis these days on getting your life and independance back within 6 weeks of dropping a sprog. Ignore the 'creating a rod for your own back' a@#holes and do what you feel is right for your babies. You will only have a crap time anyway! Xxx

LunarRose · 15/08/2012 22:28

Actually I've found a 6 month old just as portable as a 2 month old, not that I would chose the word portable.....

LunarRose · 15/08/2012 22:30

the advice about the temperature is quite separate from anything I've said about the meal... regardless of what you do about the meal

Yama · 15/08/2012 22:31

SomeOne - nearly every single poster agreed with you. Please don't listen to the 1 or 2 voices of dissent.

Sarahplane · 15/08/2012 22:34

I wouldn't go either. Yadnbu.

LunarRose · 15/08/2012 22:35

If you do decide to stay home, I'd be honest about it as early as possible and offer to babysit the children in your house.

ChasedByBees · 15/08/2012 22:38

Absolutely no way. Your DH knows about the reflux though, how come he's ok with the plan?

CotedePentathlon · 15/08/2012 22:40

So let me get this right - your parents have organised three children to look after 14 children, at least one of whom is the same age as the babysitters. The youngest is 2 weeks but that child will probably go to the meal and sleep through.

In the circumnstances you describe, you have to stay with your children.

CinnabarRed · 15/08/2012 22:47

No way on earth I would leave mine in the circumstances you've described. In our case DS1 suffers from severe and prolonged night terrors and IMO it's unfair on sitters to leave children with complex night-time waking without their usual comforts.

Bossybritches22 · 15/08/2012 22:48

"RoSPA and the NSPCC recommend that no one under the age of 16 should be left to care for a baby or toddler
What should I think about when hiring a young babysitter?

If you decide to hire a young babysitter under the age of 16, you must be prepared to take some responsibility for anything that should go wrong in your absence. Under some circumstances, the police will charge parents with negligence.

Never take advantage of a babysitter by leaving them to cope with an already sick or upset child who you know will not settle
Never leave a babysitter alone with several children for long periods of time

All taken from the RoSPA website- apart from the OP (understandably) being reluctant to leave her own children, how the hell can three 14 yr olds contain a dozen or so over-excited, probably over-tired children they've never met before??

MADNESS!!!

YANBU Someone

iggi777 · 15/08/2012 22:54

I wouldn't be happy being 20 mins by car away, if like OP I couldn't drive - as then reliant on someone else to take you back if baby not happy, or if you just couldn't bear the anxiety any more!

Megalosaurus · 15/08/2012 23:06

YANBU. Under these circumstances I would stay with the children.

MrsEricBana · 15/08/2012 23:17

YANBU at all and should stay with your children, explain why and apologise and no one will mind at all. Very similar happened to us (but my dcs were older) and I stayed back at ILs house while everyone went out for my SILs 40th - was a bit odd but I knew I had done the right thing.

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