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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

house messy when i returned from holiday

95 replies

alemci · 15/08/2012 13:51

I went away with my DS and DH but left my 2 EDs at home (17,18) as they had work committments etc. I texted my ed when we were at the airport so she knew exactly when we were back. my mum also kept an eye from a distance on them. I was pretty jet lagged when i returned and TBH i was reluctant to go away in the first place as i just kind of knew what would happen. asked them not to have parties or too many people round but expected bf and friends to have been there at some point which is fair enough.

got back, kitchen messy with washing up, hoover out in the middle of hall, clothes from friends left in hall, rubbish not put out (4 bags) and recycling overflowing. some beer bottles left in garden

dd in lounge, messy carpet. My bedlinen on line even though my bed was changed before we went. her friend and her had stayed in my room. was not happy about this as it is my personal space and it felt like an invasion of privacy.

we had a row and she stormed out. she accused me of be OCD and that all i cared about was the house. I just wanted to come back to a clean house which i had left. the house feels dirty and i feel exhausted. it is bad enough being jet lagged normally without all this. she went out and stayed at a friends. the YD was nowhere in sight.

also all my kitchen cupboards were in disaray as people had put things in wrong place etc even though i had cleaned them out at the start of the school holiday

I know no one is hurt and the house is still standing but i don't think i would be able to do this again as it stresses me out and hi lights how selfish they are. they want to be treated like adults but don't live up to it.

OP posts:

CailinDana · 15/08/2012 13:55

I would be livid in your position. Do they normally do much housework?

HecateHarshPants · 15/08/2012 13:56

What on earth did you expect was going to happen when you leave a 17 yr old and an 18 yr old alone while you go on holiday?

Come on. I know it's crap to come back to and they should have cleaned up, but were you really surprised?

So. How many wild parties did they have then? How many people slept over? Be more than the one friend, I bet my last rolo.

Yes, they are thoughtless and a bit selfish. They are teenagers. Two teenagers left alone in the house for what? a week? a fortnight? I can imagine the mess!

Get yourself a cuppa, calm down and get them to clean up.

thecatsminion · 15/08/2012 13:56

I think some of it - the hoover in the hallway - you could let go. I'd be pretty angry about the rest of it though, especially having someone stay in your bedroom.

I'd call both of them and tell them to clear up the mess. And lay down the law about people staying in your room.

Tbh it sounds like it's time that they find somewhere else to stay though. Are they there all the time or just the summer?

lavenderfields · 15/08/2012 13:57

What does ED stand for?

HecateHarshPants · 15/08/2012 13:57

God knows. I assumed elder daughters? eldest daughters?

thecatsminion · 15/08/2012 13:58

Oh, and I was exactly the same as a teenager. After a bollocking from my Mum I got wise enough to have the parties but clean the house afterwards!

CailinDana · 15/08/2012 13:58

Hecate - my parents left me and my sisters a few times when we were teenagers and the house was always spotless when they got back. That was because from a very young age we were made responsible for the house and it was just second nature to keep it clean. We were allowed to have as many parties as we wanted, as it was assumed (rightly) that would take care of the house and clean up afterwards. There was never any problem or friction.

FalseStartered · 15/08/2012 13:59

unless they are good housekeepers when you're about YABU, OP

get them to clean up their mess now and tell them the next time you go away you'll have a babysitter come to look after them?

EnglishGirlApproximately · 15/08/2012 14:00

My first thought was that I would be livid.

Then I remembered being 18. They did what teenagers do - they just didn't clean up well enough to not get caught.

I am sympathetic but I honestly think its very normal teenage behaviour.

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2012 14:00

What Hecate said

Oh and if you think it was your DD's 'friend' who slept in your bed you're probably insane.

Aren't you wondering why the one bit of housework she did was to wash your bed covers?

HecateHarshPants · 15/08/2012 14:02

yup. Lots of action on them there sheets.

I feel even more sorry for the OP now!

CailinDana · 15/08/2012 14:02

I think not being able to take care of a house at the ages of 17 and 18 is pretty bad really - I'd expect this sort of behaviour from a child aged 14/15 maybe but even then I'd be pretty shocked. My younger sister was left on her own from age 14 and the house was always clean and tidy on my parents' return.

Nanny0gg · 15/08/2012 14:03

I would be beyond livid.
Even my non-houseproud youngest made sure the house was immaculate (way beyond my expectations) when we returned from trips.
I hope they return and get it sorted for you.

mumsknots · 15/08/2012 14:04

That's pretty poor from the pair of them.

I went away for a fortnight and left dd 18 at home. I know there were parties and I that several people stayed but dd ensured that the house was spotless on my return.

I'd be having firm words if I were you!

HaveALittleFaith · 15/08/2012 14:06

My parents left me alone at 18 at the place was immaculate when they got back!

Did you explain that you wanted to come back to the same state of tidy/cleanliness? I'm not sure if I'd be pleased they'd washed the sheets or a bit that someone's been in your bed!

FannyFifer · 15/08/2012 14:07

Well done that they washed the bed sheets though, must have needed it.

MousyMouse · 15/08/2012 14:10

so they work?
hire a cleaner and let them pay.

wankpants · 15/08/2012 14:12

Get a lock for your bedroom door for next time.

Make them clean it from top to bottom.

Embarrass them and let them know you know they were shagging on your sheets.

DuelingFanjo · 15/08/2012 14:13

make them tidy up.

FelicitywasSarca · 15/08/2012 14:21

I had awesome parties in my parents house at their age.

Difference was 1. I never let people sleep in my parents bed (not even me), and 2. The house was immaculate when they returned.

It's about respect. Having the party is one (inevitable) thing, not giving a shit about being caught out is downright outrageous.

Original poster

alemci · 15/08/2012 14:28

no YDs bf slept in her room and I believe her.

they have part time jobs as they are in 6th form.

when i came home there were 2 sleeping bags in front room. it did seem to turn into a doss house which i half expected but hide your evidence. change the bed but stick same sheets back on and clear up. I was young once so of course i understand

No they don't do much housework. My ED (eldest d) is going to university hopefully in Sept and I cannot wait which i know is horrible but I have had it up to here with them TBH. It feels like they collude against me.

I did expect some mess but I thought they would have had some sense to clear up. they know what makes me tick so I don't understand. they are still not back but said they would come back and clean up.

I have already done some hoovering.

also i won't say anything but i feel annoyed with my mum. she encouraged me to go away and said i must have a holiday. she said she would keep any eye out. i wish she had stopped by yesterday and made them do some stuff. she just made excuses for my ED as i know she does carry the YD to an extent.

i know my parents would have hit the roof if i had done it to them but mum seemed to act like she hadn't been like that.

OP posts:

bonkersLFDT20 · 15/08/2012 14:31

I would be upset too, even though I would kind of expect it to happen.

What stuck me is how you refer to "your kitchen cupboards". They are not yours, they are the family's but you wanted them to be left how YOU like them. Perhaps there is an element of them thinking that whatever they do won't be enough. I'm not having a go at you, it's something I have to consider myself. Just because things haven't been done MY way doesn't mean they are wrong.

Anyway, did you make your expectations totally clear to them? Do they usually leave the house in good order when you're out for shorter periods ie clean up after themselves, do general housework?

In your position, if it was really important for me to come back to a clean house I would have written a very clear list of the minimum requirements.

DozyDuck · 15/08/2012 14:35

When my mum leaves my sister on her own (she has from when she was 17, we is now 22) I always see a message on my mums fb saying 'mum when are you home do I can tidy up and pretend the house was spotless the whole time you were away?'

My mum always expects a spotless house on her return and so she should.

SPsFanjoSponsorsTheOlympics · 15/08/2012 14:35

I remember doing this at 18! The day my mum was due back I ran around the house tidying and throwing any incriminating evidence away!

My mum would have been livid if she came back to that! I wouldn't have been left again!

conorsrockers · 15/08/2012 14:35

thoughtless, selfish, moody, disrespectful ....
sounds like a couple of teenagers to me.
Do they normally clear up around the house, or can they never do it to YOUR standards? Things put away in the wrong cupboards does sound a little OCD.

You had fun, they had fun. Just ask them to clear it up, preferably before you come back next time

Going on about it is a sure fire way for it all to end in tears. Do they see it as their home too?

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