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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel I have just witnessed child abuse?

209 replies

mrsrosieb · 14/08/2012 13:15

Please note I have only used medical terms in this post and nothing I am writing is meant to be insulting towards obese people.

I have just witnessed a morbidly obese woman pushing a pram with 2 older children-one about 9 and one about 14. These children are dangerously obese from a medical point of view.

I felt so sorry for them. If mum wants to eat a diet that makes her obese that is her choice and I have no problem with that. What I have a real issue with is raising children that may go on to suffer heart disease and diabetes-plus getting a ragging from the school bullies.

I know the SS have removed children like this. Am I right in thinking this is child abuse?

OP posts:
MarysBeard · 14/08/2012 16:49

My parents didn't shout at me for not finishing my dinner but I was always taught to clear my plate, as most people were 30 years ago.

Tigglette · 14/08/2012 16:49

My nephew (9) looks significantly overweight - he has a chronic health condition which is treated with steriods, which have resulted in him gaining lots of weight. His choice is either extreme pain or being overweight, my SIL works hard to ensure they mainly have a healthy diet. On a rare visit to McDonalds two adults referred to him as a salad dodger and trotted out the "I blame the parents" line much to my DB and SILs consternation. You can't tell by looking at a family group what's going on with health, meal times etc.

MarysBeard · 14/08/2012 16:50

I don't think obesity is down to wheat, but too much wheat.

ppeatfruit · 14/08/2012 17:30

One of the problems is it's addictive nature mary Wheat is eaten at most meals, if not all meals, the manuf put it in almost EVERYTHING. Even a small amount makes DH angry and exhausted (he's overweight BTW but eats quite healthily (the alc. doesn't help though!)

BlackberryIce · 14/08/2012 18:26

Sugar is addictive too.... Combined with wheat it's not good!

Kabooooom · 14/08/2012 18:35

People looking at my DS probably think he could do with a bit of extra weight on him. I don't starve him at all, in fact, he eats more than me and I am overweight. But, he seriously is never still for long so is constantly burning it off. He is full of energy, it drains me just watching him lol. He is rather slim and tall, but still weighs a tonne and breaks my back when I try to pick him up. Doctors and health professionals say his weight is perfect though

But either way, if a child is too thin, or obese, then it is worrying. But you can't always really judge without the facts. I think once a child drops quite a bit under, or gains quite a bit over their BMI with no medical reasons, then the right people should step in and help the parents learn how to handle it before it gets too out of control.

Dawndonna · 14/08/2012 18:39

I too have had a child that had to take steriods regularly. He piled on weight at those points, and whilst he did lose it, sometimes it could take up to a year.

MarysBeard · 14/08/2012 18:44

I don't find wheat addictive, I have to say. It can be difficult to avoid gluten though, I do sympathise, as it is in things like ketchup and sausages, but I only have two slices of bread a day and no other wheat products. TBH I find potatoes more addictive esp in the form of crisps!

Also not too fussed about sugar, mostly would rather have savoury/salty things.

If I get cravings for food it's usually something which involves salt and fat!

Pumpster · 14/08/2012 18:45

My 15 year old is mentally ill, in hospital atm on a section and takes anti psychotics which are notorious for weight gain. She has gained 5 stone in a year.

Xh is also on the same tablets, is diabetic and had a stroke a few years ago, he is a wheelchair user as he can't walk more than a few steps. He is also very overweight.

I have food issues and am overweight due to stress and anxiety. I also have 3 other children of normal weight.

Sometimes there is more to a situation than at first glance!

MarysBeard · 14/08/2012 18:49

Exactly Pumpster. I used to wonder how people allow themselves to get obese then I got stressed and depressed at work and started comfort eating and exercising less/sporadically...

I'm not obese but overweight, and dealing with it now as I'm not so stressed, but I do understand how weight can get out of hand.

hatesponge · 14/08/2012 19:00

Agree entirely there is often more to a situation than meets the eye.

I am probably classed as obese, I am a size 14 and 2-3 stone overweight.

My eldest DS is also overweight.

My younger son however is underweight, and tiny for his age.

They have ALWAYS been fed the same diet of mainly healthy food, and both do a fair amount of exercise (DS1 more so than DS2 if anything) - the main difference between them is that DS2 eats only whilst he is hungry. If he is full one bite after starting his meal, or with one mouthful to go, he leaves the rest. DS1 however doesn't have the same 'full' feeling, and never has, not even when tiny.

smileymam · 14/08/2012 22:44

my son is twelve and quite over weight, in medical term he would be obese. He eats a little bit of junk i.e biscuits and the odd packet of crisps on the weekeds, other than that his eating habbits are very healthy, only wholemeal bread, plenty of fruit and veg, every meal he has i cook from fresh, i remove all visable fat and do not ever add fat to anything we have, he does not eat processed ready meals, he only drinks no added sugar sqash, water and the occasional diet pop. He walks two miles to and from school every day, goes swimming twice a week and goes circuit trainning. I myself and am little overweight, even though i eat heathy, do kettlebells, cicuit training and swim two miles a week. He simply has a very slow metabolism. But i would love some advise from your tiny little mind on how i can go about stoping abusing my son!!!

lovebunny · 14/08/2012 22:46

pop round to my house. you can look at another fat person. enjoy.
Grin

WorraLiberty · 14/08/2012 22:49

smiley that's very unusual, have you had any help or advice from your GP?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 14/08/2012 23:02

smiley I agree with Worra that it might be worth getting your son's health checked just in case. For example, it is possible for children to have low thyroid function.

BlueMoon74 · 14/08/2012 23:06

smileyman it's not just about eating healthy foods though, it's about how much of those you consume..

My MIL never fed her 4 (obese) kids anything other than super home cooked food. No ready meals. Lots of veg etc. The problem was the sheer quantity of it!!!! Even now, when myself and DH go round for dinner, I'm gobsmacked at how much food she cooks and how much she thinks is suitable for one portion. I only ever eat half of what is on the plate.

You say he has a slow metabolism? Hmm Are you sure you're simply not just giving him too many calories overall? (albeit healthy food stuffs) If he's overweight, and there's no underlying medical issues, then put simply, you're putting more into him than he's managing to process. Sorry. Hmm

BlueMoon74 · 14/08/2012 23:15

Just to add to what I said....If he's overweight, and there's no underlying medical issues...I would seriously get him checked out. Make sure there are no medical issues. Definitely worth a trip to the GP for advice/help.

smileymam · 14/08/2012 23:16

Thanks worral and chaz, everything is fine health wise he is also tall for his age and has size nine feet, so i think he just has a big build. My step daughter is the same age, has Mcdonads at least twice a week, does no execise but is underweight. I just find it very frustrating that people are so judgemental and see every thing in black or white, i.e hes over weight he must stuff his face, everybody is made different, my friends are all smaller than me, but none are fitter. I work in a bakers shop and we have children in on thier way to school eating sausage rolls and donuts, my son pops in for a diet coke!

smileymam · 14/08/2012 23:20

no bluemon, portion size is well controlled. My daughter is eight and eats the same food but she is the right size for her age and height.

Brandnewbrighttomorrow · 14/08/2012 23:36

I haven't read all of the responses but I do wonder about those saying that the family might be suffering from a medical condition - would that be doughnut retention by any chance?

Rewind 50 years - ordinary families simply didn't have the opportunity to be grossly overweight - that was the sole preserve of the extremely rich and greedy. If someone is obese as a child the chances of them ever achieving a normal weight is so unlikely, it's so sad to see children in this situation.

I've seen it within my own family - my cousin's family are all horrifically overweight, I've literally never seen anyone eat as much as they do. The mum is a nurse too so it's even less easy to understand.

WorraLiberty · 14/08/2012 23:38

I think (and this is only my thought) as much as it's natural to compare our eating and our kid's eating to other...slimmer people's eating, it's not helpful really.

Some people have a fast metabolism and some don't.

Therefore it's best to try to tailor our food intake to how easily we burn fat off, rather than how easily other people can if that makes sense?

Flimflammery · 14/08/2012 23:47

According to a documentary I saw, the 'slow metabolism' thing is a myth. The interesting difference they have found, though, is that overweight people feel more hungry than normal weight people, so they eat more. There is a hormone that controls appetite - can't remember the name, but I'm sure someone else will. I can see it in my two DCs - my slightly chubby DS will eat and eat, given the chance, whereas my petite DD will always stop eating when she's full, even if it's icecream or cake.

mumineedawee · 14/08/2012 23:49

I have an overweight dc.
He cannot help overeating, its a compulsion he has, tied into his asd and ocd problems.
The other dc in my home never get to have treat foods in the house as we devote ourselves to blocking his overeating opportunities.
But for him, if there are 10 apples in the fruitbowl, then that is what he will eat.
Its really, really hard for all of us. But I try everyday to make sure he doesn't get overeating opportunities, get him to be active (a daily struggle), and it really upsets him.
But what really gets to me, is the judgemental people like the OP, who run off on their high horse.
You just never, ever know what is going on in someone else's life, so butt out. Or smile, or whatever.

EugenesAxe · 15/08/2012 00:07

There are professionals out there who will be onto this if it is a problem. Abuse suggests conciousness of hurt being caused; she may have been ignorant. You'll have got the free literature from the HVs, schools, SureStart at some point, I presume - if you've read it you'll know a little about how basic the education has to be for some people in society. And in spite of all I just said; we can't really judge without knowing the full facts of this lady's life.

It's not your business, ultimately, although I can relate to your feelings.

MarysBeard · 15/08/2012 00:18

It's just so much easier in modern life to be fat than not. Controlling weight is a struggle for most people.