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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

not AIBU but what do I do re child next door (5) left. alone.

198 replies

AnaIsAlwaysShocked · 11/08/2012 18:20

Ok first off sorry for typos I'm on my phone.

DD2 just came in from the garden saying girl next door wants her to go round and play because she's on her own. so I popped out and according to child ( lets call her daisy) her mum dad and brother have gone for a walk without her and told her to stay in the house.

She won't come round here as she's been told not to leave the house, at 5 has no real knowledge of how long they have been etc and I can't leave my house too much as I have 3DCs with me.

My plan is to knock every 5 minutes for the next half hour and then panic or sit with DC in the street until and her at the door until parents arrive. any better ideas? I don't know if I'm panicing and should ignore but surely at 5 Daisys too young to be left.

OP posts:

kotinka · 12/08/2012 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Birdsgottafly · 12/08/2012 11:09

Also the 'kindly' neighbour who for 'whatever' reason wants to gain your childs trust, cannot if you are in the house.

You know who your very vulnerable 5 year old is having contact with.

SDTGisAnOlympicWolefGenius · 12/08/2012 11:14

When ds3 was about 8, I collapsed in the kitchen, dh had to call an ambulance and I was rushed to hospital. Dh was very worried about me, but his priority was to arrange care for ds3, and to ask a friend to pick up ds1 and ds2 from the concert they were in. He wouldn't have dreamt of leaving them home alone.

Goldenbear · 12/08/2012 11:32

I was thinking the same as believeinpink, surely if they are awful enough to leave a 5 year old home alone they will be very cross with her.

D0oinMeCleanin · 12/08/2012 11:32

My neighbour thought she was having a miscarriage not long ago but she still had the wherewithal to send her youngest and middle child over to me to be given breakfast and to be taken to school.

She even popped her head around the door on her way into the taxi to check that I'd let them in and they were okay, despite how panicked she was.

Luckily both neighbour and baby were fine and baby is due soon. Her kids thought it was christmas because I did not have enough 'normal' breakfast things like cereal or bread to feed both mine and her children so everyone was fed pancakes with chocolate sauce

There is no reason to leave a child that young, alone for that long. There will always be someone willing to help out in an emergency.

I'm not one for believing that your dryer will spontaneously blow up or the local axe murderer will pop round to borrow some sugar and chop your children into tiny pieces just because you've nipped to the shops but it is simply not fair to give a child that young that much responsibility. Plus I have never met a 5yo yet who would be happy to be alone that long without becoming bored or scared or both.

Poor Daisy will now feel responsible for any trouble her parents get into. I just hope her parents are at least responsible enough to make her see it was their fault and not hers. Gran sounds like she would, at least.

Birdsgottafly · 12/08/2012 11:37

The problem with leaving a child, or even allowing a child to roam, is that it becomes habit forming.

This then gets noticed by the wrong people.

LordOfThe5Rings · 12/08/2012 12:46

Heard anything from Daisys parents or the police, Ana?

Original poster

AnaIsAlwaysShocked · 12/08/2012 14:46

Police came round this lunchtime, say they have spoken to parents and warned them about the dangers of leaving school age children alone and have interviewed them. The male PC I actually know from along time ago and nearly had a thing with He was very 'well no harm was done, it was a one off, they now know not to leave either child alone so, we are unlikely to take things further this time' apparently it will go to SS to review and decide if they want to do anything with the family, but again unlikely. PC has told the family that if the children are left again they will contact SS to collect DC.

He has left his mobile number and told me to call him if I have any concerns that the children might be left again and has said they will be making unannounced visits to the family to check the children are supervised and will pop by here for a and to check I'm happy with things. If they are left again I am to call on the emergency number ask for police to come with SS and take the Children to my home until SS take them. WPC has spoken to both children and told them to alert me if they are left again and they are to come to my house if I ask them to.

The police are 'happy to deal with this at a local level rather than get the specialist teams involved'

I have said I'm feeling a little bit more involved than I would like and possibly a phone call to grandma should be the childrens first thing to do rather than leave the house and knock on my door but obviously I am happy to be a backup if grandmas out etc. I've also asked for my number to be passed on to grandma so she can call if the children call her and she can't get to them.

I saw the parents this morning, after an initial period of staring at each other the mum came over and said her and DP are blaming each other basically. She claims a DP family friend was due to collect Daisy 5 minutes after they left and they thought she was being cared for by friend, so it was a shock to find out the friend hadn't collected and Daisy was left for so long. She said Daisy would have been fine as the "cooker was switched off at the wall" but thanked me for being concerned. (Think this may have been before police spoke to them) I said 5 minutes was too long and Daisy could have waited with me until the friend arrived. But mother seemed to brush this off as paranoid.

But saw Daisy today through the window when she arrived home, she seemed happy and carefree.

I'll be keeping a watch out but hopefully it won't happen again.

OP posts:

HecateHarshPants · 12/08/2012 14:52

Someone was coming to collect her 5 minutes after they'd gone?

You know that's a crock of shit, don't you? No doubt said to make them seem, to you, less irresponsible. [cynical] Because 5 minutes? You'd have waited. Or they'd have come 5 minutes earlier. Got to go on the dot of 12:30. Oh what a shame, I will be there at 12:35. ok then. Do me a favour.

Still, she's ok and hopefully they have learned that you can't do that.

JustFabulous · 12/08/2012 14:56

What Hecate said.

5 minutes is no time if it means you have to wait that long before you can leave. It is too long if it is how long you are leaving a small child for. Also, Grandma's response shows it is something that has happened before.

Original poster

AnaIsAlwaysShocked · 12/08/2012 14:58

Yep I have no doubt the 5 minutes story is just that a story. I did have to stop myself from saying 'bullshit' when she told me.

OP posts:

bringbacksideburns · 12/08/2012 14:59

Grrrr. What a twat of a mother. What the hell was she thinking? Garbage excuses.

Thank god you were there. Just sad that not every child has someone looking out for them. All she had to do was knock on your door and ask you to help out. What is wrong with some people??

RoomForASmallOne · 12/08/2012 15:04

Agree with Hecate

I think the mother speaking to you is a good thing, in one way.

Obviously the parents were totally in the wrong but I would have been worried about recriminations from them, does that make sense.

As in, you won't be objected to them screeching at you, or worse??

I lurked last night and was very glad you were there for this poor little girl. Well done

pigletmania · 12/08/2012 15:16

Agree hecarte, what a load of shite. I would keep a low level lookout from now on, and hopefully police involvement will be enough to s are them never to do it again

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 12/08/2012 16:03

Yeah mums story is a crock of shite, but glad she is trying to placate rather than terrorise you, ANa. Well done again, and hopefully the police will keep their promise to check on them from time to time.

Nancy66 · 12/08/2012 16:19

Well done Ana.

I think we'd all be amazed at the number of times parents leave kids alone. Happens far more than you'd think.

Birdsgottafly · 12/08/2012 16:29

OP, i hope that this isn't true because the policeman (whether you know him or not) is acting inappropriately and he isn't following guidelines, by telling the children to come to yours if you tell them !!WTF.

I hope that SS do what they are supposed to, at least, he has at the very least shared tomuch with you.

If you see the same happening again, you call the police, or SS, not him

Birdsgottafly · 12/08/2012 16:33

The police are 'happy to deal with this at a local level rather than get the specialist teams involved'

Why they have told you this, i don't know, all the police can decide is whether to charge the parents.

As for him then 'popping to yours for a cuppa',

JustFabulous · 12/08/2012 16:36

And giving you hius mobile number .

CuriousMama · 12/08/2012 16:44

Oh I can well believe the police story. I was stalked once by exbf. The policeman in charge kept coming round. At first I thought he was being vigilant. Then one time he 'popped round' in plain clothes. I said 'oh that was quick' He said 'what do you mean?' I said I've just rang the police to say he's been bothering me again. He almost shit himself, told me not to mention that he'd been round I told him not to bother coming round any more. I was furious A friend said it was obvious he'd fancied me, she'd been there when he'd been there. Totally wrong.

CuriousMama · 12/08/2012 16:45

JustF this policeman gave me his!

Original poster

AnaIsAlwaysShocked · 12/08/2012 16:46

Thats why I've told them I feel too involved. I would rather the grandma was the childrens point of contact, or now I think about it, hey here's an idea get them to call 999. Surely thats the best advice for the children.

I kept on thinking about what people had said on here, that sending the child round to neighbours could be a cover story encased of abuse, not saying they would be it just means I need to make sure I'm not open to accusations.

I think the local level thing was that they would investigate it rather than referring it to be investigated else where. I don't know tho, I was more thinking about how much involvement I was willing to do.

I think the cuppa thing was his attempt at reasuring me that I would be supported by the police if I did need to report something else.

I hardly slept last night and things are just swirling around in my head.

OP posts:

NPPF · 07/09/2012 13:35

How have things gone since all this happened?

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