To report my friend to the Social Services?

[BoxerShortShort]

My friend has booked to go and see a band in November. She asked me if I'd look after her kids and I said I couldn't as I was away that week - therefore she's planning on leaving them home alone from 5pm on Tuesday until 8am on the Wednesday. They're 12 and 14.
She always does leave them home alone so they are used to it but over night is different surely?

AIBU to inform the ss?

Your parents were irresponsible beyong belief to swan off to Greece leaving you as a 14 yo without a responsible adult.If the police had got wind of it they'd have been prosecuted

Sancerreity, It is extremely unlikely that her parents would have been prosecuted for leaving a responsible 14 and 16 year old tbh. I think you are being quite rude and judging a situation that you know little about. My parents wouldn't have left me at that age because I was utterly irresponsible. They would, and did leave my brother however, and similarly friends of that age were left when their parents went on holiday also. It depends on the maturity of the individual teenager, and also whether there are friends or family near by who can offer help if needed.

Sancerreity
They wouldn't have been prosecuted. Can I remind you that 16 year olds can legally marry and there is talk of reducing the voting age to 16.

You clearly have some major issues you need to work through and I assume that is what is behind your rather rude and judgmental posts. I would be grateful if you didn't use my parents as a route for working throught those issues as Noqontrol rightly points out this is a situation you know little about. Having seen one or two of your posts on other threads, I won't bother engaging with you further on this thread as your opinion is utterly irrevelant to me and my life.

I hope your judgy pants aren't cutting off any important circulation!

my dd is 15.

she is sensible and capable, but i still wouldnt dream of leaving her overnight. She was alone until 10.30 the other night and said she didnt like it and was scared, she heard a noise and didnt dare go and see what it was.

you cannot plan for everything - we had a fault with the smoke alarms the other month and they kept going off randomly through the night.....had she been alone she would have panicked and god forbid something actually did happen.....

i would not leave two children of 12 and 14 overnight for the all the tea in china. your friend is in my opinion irresponsible, but social services wont be interested if you reprot.

if you want advice, try phoneing the NSPCC - you can get advice and you dont have to leave your name.

im shocked at the amount of people saying this is ok.
it will only be ok if nothing happens, if there were to be a fire, then the mother would be dragged over the coals by the masses, here and in RL,
i dont think its a good idea at all.

Only the mother will be able to make the final call on this. Only she's knows their level of maturity and whether they're up to it.

I am amazed by how many people think leaving one pre teen and one teenager at home overnight is of no consequence whatsoever. They are still children and unless there is an emergency (like the poster who was left at home while relative was dying) then I think it is incredibly selfish to be so concerned with your own social life that you would rather leave your children home alone all night than miss a social activity.

Those who are saying children used to leave school at 14 etc are missing the point entirely. People used to get married at 10 years ago too. Things change.

The other bizarre viewpoint on here is people saying that they were left and nothing went wrong. Well a 2 year old could run across a road and not get hit by a car, doesn't mean it's a good idea!

I don't think the OP should call SS though, as others have said they have more serious things to worry about - doesn't mean she is unreasonable to be a bit judgey about her friend's lifestyle.
The fact that the friend asked OP to look after her kids in the first instance would suggest that she herself didn't think leaving them alone was a good idea.

i also think, that often, when children are left so the parent can have a social life, it can be more what the parent wants than what i good for the child.

its easy to tell yourself that it will all be fine.

so
what if it wasnt?

in my town, just a few years ago, a woman lost all 3 children to a house fire.
its just not worth leaving them alone overnight imo.

I have just got back from a festival where I witnessed many many examples of appalling 'care' by parents of their children.

Worst was the five year old seen drinking at 9am the dregs of alcohol from the glasses of the night before.

Leaving a 12 and a 14 yo alone for one night doesnt seem to bad (if they can be trusted to be sensible)

news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1454&dat=19871201&id=YzpOAAAAIBAJ&sjid=sxMEAAAAIBAJ&pg=2373,89554

there are so many of these on the internet. it happens.

i recently had a huge row with my DH over leaving our kids alone overnight - DS has special needs, DD is mature at 15, but i said i would rather give up my job in the police than leave my kids alone at night.

i meant it, and i meant it for a reason.

I wouldnt do it myself though.

And I do agree that very often it is about what the adult wants and the childs needs are not really considered - just spent a weekend watching adults drag obviously exhausted preschoolers around even though it was 11pm.
One poor kid (aged 2?) had no trousers on (because he had wet them) and kept saying "want mummy" - his dad refused to take him back to their camper van (where mum had gone an hour before to fetch him some trousers - 5 min walk) "because Im watching the campfire"

"do you want to go and sleep in Karens van?"
"want mummy"
"I dont know why she hasnt fxxxxxxx come back"
"want mummy"
"Perhaps Sue can give you some trousers"
"want mummy"
"sit here by the fire then you will be ok"
"want mummy"

I had to move away because I just wanted to wail "Its gone 11pm, just take him to his bed and his mother" :(

i was around for this one.

www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2003/nov/13/martinwainwright

no way would i ever leave my kids alone at night. maybe my job colours my view, but tough. id never do it.

Oh God...I'm planning to leave DD14 for the night next week. I have done it once before and she's been fine. She knows my friend is 3 doors away and my other friend is down the street. My friends also knew I was away for the night and were keeping an eye.

*doinmummy^ - sounds like you have plenty of contingency plans in place.

i just wouldnt rest, but i think in part that is down to my job. each to their own. my issue was more around a regular problem i was having with the shifts i was working and DH changing his shifts without telling me.
it would have been a regular thing, and i refused.

i am a worrier. i admit it, and i know, if i left mine, id just worry and witter all night, so no point.
if your DD is mature, is happy to be left, has someone nearby for help if needed, then its probably fine.

its just me. i cant do it. i cant leave DS and he is 20 but he has SN and has set fire to his bedroom before now, left the front door wide open, and left the iron on......it would be a liability to leave him.
it sounded like the op in this is thinking more about the concert than the welfare of her kids - she asked for a sitter initially - either your kids are mature enough to leave or they arent.

i dont think mine are, so i wouldnt risk it.

It's a tricky one. My parents used to leave me and DSIS when I was 15 and she was 12 for a whole weekend. I was very sensible though. I have asked my DM about this as she is the world's worse worrier and she said that she trusted me.

They went away for a week when I was 17 and sis was 14. Our neighbour died while they were away. I didn't want to upset them or spoil their holiday but thought my sis and I should go to the funeral on their behalf. I arranged for time off school and as we didn't know what to wear we went in school uniform as it was the nearest thing to a suit that we had. ( I thought you had to wear a suit to funerals).

I do trust my DD, but am having 2nd thoughts now.

It's only August - November is still a long time away and you are all up jumping to report her already???WTF? Some "friend" you are!

Presumably if she's competent to start to plan a night out that far ahead, she's competent to use the MONTHS she has until the event to ask another friend, or a rellie etc to help out. I very much doubt you are her ONLY responsible adult aquaintance. In fact I'd go as far as say it's a plus point for her parenting that she's started to consider and try and obtain reliable childcare 3 months in advance. She has plenty of time to get it sorted, & probably will.

What possible motivation do you have for reporting her? Sounds like a serious waste of precious SS resources to me.

Wouldn't you be better off focusing on your own issues? I have a kid with SN, so my last night out was Oct 2010, but I've better things to do with my time than indulge in petty spitefulness to those parents who dare to have a life. Get a grip OP.

This degree of finger pointing, tutting and general judgey pantedness is way, way too premature imho.