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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my neighbour is an absolute dick?

127 replies

SpottedGurnard · 09/08/2012 09:52

I have recently moved into a new flat. After 2 long days of packing and moving I was down by the front door when a new neighbour walked up to me and without even introducing himself said "can you read?!"

My heinous crime was that the removal men had propped the front door open as they were in and out constantly and it is a gated compund so no randomers could walk in. He "introduced" himself as a member of the committee and a permanent resident as opposed to me who is merely renting and obviously less of a person because of it.

This block of flats has a front door that cannot be held open because it damages it. This is crazy to me as a door only really has 2 functions to open and close and it doesn't do one properly but oh well. If this man has politely explained the reasons to me I would have apologised and got on with ny day but he continued to be very rude to me and my removal boys (early 20s).

Skip forward to today I have seen him around since and he has always stopped what he is doing to watch and made me feel uncomfortable.

I had been to the docs this morn and have been signed off from work for stress. As I pulled into the drive he stopped what he was doing and turned and stared as I parked- took 2 attempts so it was a long stare!

As I walked past he said "good morning" to which I walked past. I am not going to engage in pleasantries with someone who made me feel so shit when I moved in. He said it again and I continued. To which he said "theres no need to be so bloody rude!"

This man is old enough to be my granddad and I know mine would never swear at a young lady. I turned and said that it was him who was the rude one and said that he wouldn't have spoken to my partner the way he had spoken to me (6ft 4 rugby playing dp).

I walked off but came back feeling shit .AIBU to think he is a dick? Or am I rude?

OP posts:

pictish · 09/08/2012 09:56

Nah - he's a knobber. Don't entertain him. You're right.

germyrabbit · 09/08/2012 09:56

i would be over the top polite to someone like that, always handy to keep your enemies close

FalseStartered · 09/08/2012 09:57

maybe he was in a foul mood the other day and was trying to make amends today?

Gigondas · 09/08/2012 09:59

He might have been Ott when you were moving in but you were rude not to respond.

pictish · 09/08/2012 09:59

Trying to make amends by staring and pointedly saying 'good morning' after being really rude??!

He wasn't making amends. He is saying 'now you know who the boss is round here, I will allow you to make polite conversation with me'

Fuck off.

FartyMcTarty · 09/08/2012 10:00

Sorry but I think you've been equally rude!

PigeonPie · 09/08/2012 10:00

He is rude, but I would have been very polite and cheery and said good morning to him so that he doesn't have anything more to complain about.

There is no need to be rude in return, pleasantries cost nothing.

I had a problem with a colleague once who refused to speak to me for about three months. Through all that time I said good morning etc cherrily, he finally thawed and he was ok in the end!

pictish · 09/08/2012 10:02

She has not been equally as rude.

I wouldn't exchange pleasantries with someone who marched up to me out of the blue, and spoke to me like that either!

They'd be dismissed.

naturalbaby · 09/08/2012 10:03

I would be over the top polite too. Except you've been a bit rude now by ignoring him - he was rude but maybe trying to start over and be polite. So you'll either have to apologise, carry on ignoring or avoid him.

SparklingGoldMedals · 09/08/2012 10:05

Yes, I would be OTT friendly. It's for the best.

pictish · 09/08/2012 10:06

I'd ignore him.
The only thing that would suffice for me in order to thaw, would be an apology.

He's just a neighbour. He's no-one.

Dismissed.

FalseStartered · 09/08/2012 10:06

any need for that, pictish?

Original poster

SpottedGurnard · 09/08/2012 10:07

The good morning certainly wasn't a cheery greeting, after pointedly staring at me whilst I parked it felt like a test.

I think him swearing at me trumps any rudeness on my part by not engaging with him. What if I had a hearing impediment or was listening to music?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 09/08/2012 10:07

I would have grinned and said, "Good morning oh member of the committee and a permanent resident"

But then again I'm a sarcastic cow....

Original poster

SpottedGurnard · 09/08/2012 10:08

I wish I could've faked cheeriness but after going and crying my heart out at the drs Im struggling to fake a smile .

OP posts:

confusedgypsychick · 09/08/2012 10:09

I would have acted the same way. Except I probably wouldn't even have responded when he said "there's no need to be so bloody rude." I would have shot him a withering glance and went about my way.

And I'd make a point to prop the door open every chance I get.

But I'm passive aggressive that way ;P

DublinMammy · 09/08/2012 10:09

He sounds like a twat but if I were you I would kill him with kindness and be very jolly and smiley then go back to my flat to the voodoo doll I had made of him....

DoItOnce · 09/08/2012 10:10

How unpleasant of him. How are the other nieghbours? I hope they are friendly.
I would have said hello back to him but it would have been a surly hello.

pictish · 09/08/2012 10:11

Yeah. If someone treated me like that, then expected me to exchange pleasantries with them without referring to the previous incident whatsoever, I would think that going along with it would reinforce his sense of entitlement.

I would be pretty much telling him that he could speak to me as rudely as he liked and I'd accept it, then sweep it under the rug.

He can't and I wouldn't.

limitedperiodonly · 09/08/2012 10:11

He's a prat and he's trying to rile you. Ignore him.

A vile neighbour of mine used to make a point of saying 'Good morning' and then making loud comments about my bad manners when I didn't reply. She liked it best when there was an audience.

One day I explained calmly that it was never a good morning when she crossed my path and even if it were, she'd be the last person I'd be bestowing my good wishes on.

She didn't enjoy having an audience that time.

PooPooInMyToes · 09/08/2012 10:12

What did you say when he asked if you could read?

Original poster

SpottedGurnard · 09/08/2012 10:12

I really am not usually a rude person. I just hate people treating me like this because I am young/renting/a woman or all 3!

The lady in her 90s downstairs loves me because I go to visit her to chat to her and take her cakea and make us tea. She also came up to me when we first moved in, said how lovely it was that there were some youbg people coming in, introduced herself and asked about us. That was a nice welcome.

OP posts:

FartyMcTarty · 09/08/2012 10:12

I wouldn't exchange pleasantries with someone who marched up to me out of the blue, and spoke to me like that either!

They'd be dismissed.

Great solution. Then life can continue as unpleasantly as ever. What does meeting rudeness with rudeness achieve in the long run?

OP, given that you've previously interacted with your neighbour, you can't legitimately use the 'what if I had a hearing impediment?' excuse. If you'd been listening to music he would've been able to see the wires most probably.

Given that you're signed off with stress I don't think that allowing this to continue will help you. Why not pop round with a bottle of wine, acknowledge that you both got off to a bad start, and move on?

Original poster

SpottedGurnard · 09/08/2012 10:15

Poopoo- after 2 days moving half the length of the country and someone marching up to me and saying this I was too shocked to say anything.

My mum is so angry for that comment. Im the first person in our family to get a degree and got a first in a hard science subject ( I dont mean that to be a stealth boast, but I have worked very hard and can read!)

OP posts:

Original poster

SpottedGurnard · 09/08/2012 10:16

Farty- I really do not see how taking him a bottle of wine would help.

OP posts:

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