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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my neighbour is an absolute dick?

127 replies

SpottedGurnard · 09/08/2012 09:52

I have recently moved into a new flat. After 2 long days of packing and moving I was down by the front door when a new neighbour walked up to me and without even introducing himself said "can you read?!"

My heinous crime was that the removal men had propped the front door open as they were in and out constantly and it is a gated compund so no randomers could walk in. He "introduced" himself as a member of the committee and a permanent resident as opposed to me who is merely renting and obviously less of a person because of it.

This block of flats has a front door that cannot be held open because it damages it. This is crazy to me as a door only really has 2 functions to open and close and it doesn't do one properly but oh well. If this man has politely explained the reasons to me I would have apologised and got on with ny day but he continued to be very rude to me and my removal boys (early 20s).

Skip forward to today I have seen him around since and he has always stopped what he is doing to watch and made me feel uncomfortable.

I had been to the docs this morn and have been signed off from work for stress. As I pulled into the drive he stopped what he was doing and turned and stared as I parked- took 2 attempts so it was a long stare!

As I walked past he said "good morning" to which I walked past. I am not going to engage in pleasantries with someone who made me feel so shit when I moved in. He said it again and I continued. To which he said "theres no need to be so bloody rude!"

This man is old enough to be my granddad and I know mine would never swear at a young lady. I turned and said that it was him who was the rude one and said that he wouldn't have spoken to my partner the way he had spoken to me (6ft 4 rugby playing dp).

I walked off but came back feeling shit .AIBU to think he is a dick? Or am I rude?

OP posts:

Sallyingforth · 09/08/2012 11:24

I think it's 50/50. Sometimes you just have to suck it up when it's in your own interests to do so. Now you are on bad terms with someone who could make life difficult for you.

limitedperiodonly · 09/08/2012 11:25

I thought that tough, but shouldn't there be some 'yous' in there?

Toughasoldboots · 09/08/2012 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 09/08/2012 11:27

YANBU I'm with Pictish

I would've ignored him too, it's not rude to ignore someone who's been a twat it's better than telling them they're a twat

Salmotrutta · 09/08/2012 11:27

Whilst I agree he was rude and it's possible he wasn't trying to make amends by saying Good Morning, I think it's better to be rigidly polite.

Because he now has a tale to tell i.e. "That young woman in Flat 3b is very rude and completely ignored me when I said good morning". So if he is at all influential on this "committee" thing he could make the OP's life difficult.

She doesn't have to engage with him beyond observing formalities and she is actually now questioning herself anyway because she said she felt bad after.

I used to be a right nippy sweetie when I was young and would have ignored him too like the OP but then I learned that you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

pictish - your story is a bit different if the neighbour threatened you etc. I'd probably ignore him right enough.

SoleSource · 09/08/2012 11:30

The man is mental. Ignore him.

Toughasoldboots · 09/08/2012 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

SpottedGurnard · 09/08/2012 11:37

Chaddy- if the door is

OP posts:

Original poster

SpottedGurnard · 09/08/2012 11:40

Chaddy- if the door is "to remain closed", how do I get my furniture through? It's a door. I think it can cope with being opened.

Luckily for you I dont have any children but if I did I would raise them to not accuse people of being bad parents.

Just because the man is old does not give him an excuse to swear at me.

OP posts:

limitedperiodonly · 09/08/2012 11:46

So if he is at all influential on this "committee" thing he could make the OP's life difficult

I wouldn't lose sleep over that Salmotrutta. Chairman of the Residents' Association is sadly not as influential as being Capo di Tutti Capi in the Mafia.

We were invited to join the Residents' Association and then blackballed for some unspecified reason. I think it's because I'm common.

I fretted that we might be evicted by posh neighbours wielding burning copies of Country Life.

Then I thought: 'Half mo! Don't we own our house too?' and put some gnomes in the garden.

limitedperiodonly · 09/08/2012 11:47

tough I've heard scary things about saying 'Beesimo' in the mirror three times.

CecilyP · 09/08/2012 11:51

I don't think he sounds an 'absolute dick', so much as old and rigid. Too set in his ways to realise that, while it they would not normally want the door propped open, that exceptions could obviously be made when people are moving in or out of their flats. I don't think you have really helped by ignoring him when he said, 'good morning'. And 'bloody' is a pretty mild swear word, and surely not too shocking for a young lady, considering you used 'absolute dick' in your OP.

Salmotrutta · 09/08/2012 11:52

sadly not as influential as being Capo di Tutti Capi in the Mafia.

How very true!

I just think a lot of these "committee" types can be like little Hitlers (will I get flamed for that? Will someone cry Godwin's Law?) who enjoy their positions too much.

Toughasoldboots · 09/08/2012 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Salmotrutta · 09/08/2012 11:58

You will end up referring to your DC's rooms as "quarters" and mentioning how you "married up" Tough.

Plus you will have recipes for "nettling" faces to share with us.

And other such herbal delights.

I miss Beesimo.

EldritchCleavage · 09/08/2012 12:09

Chaddy, so what if he is old? That really gets my goat. My parents are old. They've been nice, polite, gentle people their whole lives, and see no reason to stop now. If they can manage it, why can't others?

I broadly agree people should respect their elders, but reaching a ripe old age is not a licence to be unpleasant whenever you feel like it.

Toughasoldboots · 09/08/2012 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zlist · 09/08/2012 12:18

Yep - he is an absolute dick. Sadly, we have gained one in our little estate about 2 years ago after 15 years of neighbourly bliss. I agree with the being overly polite thing though - that he how I deal with ours. He seems to think he is in charge, his house is the height of taste and he should be consulted on every minor little thing to do with our house. We were warned about him by his previous neighbours and the rest of the neighbours think he is an arse - we are all very lovely to him though ;)

Madmum24 · 09/08/2012 12:29

OP, leave your flat now! i'm having deja vu here. When I was newly married we moved into a similar sounding situation. On day 2 I had a letter from the environmental health's noise division stating that i had disturbed the tenants underneath (FGS I was moving in, surely a bit of noise is expected!) and the trouble went on from there. The culprits were an elderly couple who complained about EVERYTHING. We were always so apologetic (for doing nothing!) but they then started throwing eggs and soft fruits from their balcony onto our car. To cut a long story short, nearly everyone in the building blanked us (they were mostly elderly too, and we came to realize that the tenants under us "had influence".) We left after a year when someone repeatly crashed into our car and shot the windscreen out. Of course none of the very nosy neighbours saw or heard anything.

CecilyP · 09/08/2012 12:46

That's sounds awful, Madmum24. I remember, we had a complaint about the noise from an elderly neighbour when we moved in and were decorating before we put the carpets down. And she just did not seem to understand that a) we could not do it without making a noise, or b) it would make no sense to carpet before we decorated. However, once we had finished, we had no further problems and she was even overheard to refer to future DH and me as 'a lovely little couple'.

I agree that being old is not excuse for rudeness, but many people do get more grumpy as they get older and less guarded in the things they say. Catherine Tate's 'nana' is a definite type.

PooPooInMyToes · 09/08/2012 12:52

Madmum. That's sounds awful!

Peppin · 09/08/2012 13:00

The bloke sounds a right twat. However, (1) you have to live there so might as well try and rise above it and (2) you have unfortunately vindicated his Victor Meldrew-ish view of you by being rude back.

If I were you I would think he was a dick but would be falling all over myself to apologise for the day you moved in and be excessively charming and polite in the face of all future rudeness from him. This will really wrong-foot the idiot, especially if it is witnessed by other residents to whom he has related his views on your rudeness.

ethelb · 09/08/2012 13:41

can't you join the committee and oust him? presumably their are elections or has he just made himself a sticker?

there maybe many other people who are as pissed of my you at him throwing his weight around.

Camusfearna · 09/08/2012 14:22

The neighbour was definitely rude in his first approach to you and should have apologised afterwards, but I do think it would have been more politic had you politely responded to his 'Good Morning' when you next encountered him. What I can't believe is all this kerfuffle over what was a fairly minor life incident. Nobody was killed, no property was damaged - best just to fester awhile and then move on. IYWMO, I'd just maintain a facade of politeness and, in doing this, award myself the title of 'moral victor'.

Salmotrutta · 09/08/2012 14:36

I have to ask - are you a fan of the late Gavin Maxwell Camusfearna?

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