To think my neighbour is an absolute dick?

[SpottedGurnard]

I have recently moved into a new flat. After 2 long days of packing and moving I was down by the front door when a new neighbour walked up to me and without even introducing himself said "can you read?!"

My heinous crime was that the removal men had propped the front door open as they were in and out constantly and it is a gated compund so no randomers could walk in. He "introduced" himself as a member of the committee and a permanent resident as opposed to me who is merely renting and obviously less of a person because of it.

This block of flats has a front door that cannot be held open because it damages it. This is crazy to me as a door only really has 2 functions to open and close and it doesn't do one properly but oh well. If this man has politely explained the reasons to me I would have apologised and got on with ny day but he continued to be very rude to me and my removal boys (early 20s).

Skip forward to today I have seen him around since and he has always stopped what he is doing to watch and made me feel uncomfortable.

I had been to the docs this morn and have been signed off from work for stress. As I pulled into the drive he stopped what he was doing and turned and stared as I parked- took 2 attempts so it was a long stare!

As I walked past he said "good morning" to which I walked past. I am not going to engage in pleasantries with someone who made me feel so shit when I moved in. He said it again and I continued. To which he said "theres no need to be so bloody rude!"

This man is old enough to be my granddad and I know mine would never swear at a young lady. I turned and said that it was him who was the rude one and said that he wouldn't have spoken to my partner the way he had spoken to me (6ft 4 rugby playing dp).

I walked off but came back feeling shit .AIBU to think he is a dick? Or am I rude?

Why are you arguing with me?

We have a rude neighbour and I look right through him. He started a spat over parking one night (he was in the wrong) and swore at us and threatened my husband.

I make like he isn't there...even though there has been a tentative 'hello' from him.

If he came over and said 'sorry I was such an arse that night' fair enough...but he doesn't get to behave like that, then have a jolly chat!

Fuck 'im.

OP I think you acted fine.

I think it would have been polite of you to say good morning back to your neighbour IF your neighbour had approached you in the proper way on the day you moved in (as in 'Hi, I'm your neighbour, by the way, just a heads up, we normally don't prop the door open blah blah etc) but he didn't-he breezed right in, in an arsey way and TOLD you what to do with no pleasantries etc beforehand.

Also, given the stress you are under at thd moment etc, I don't think you SHOULD be expected to play nice neighbour-stuff that!

limited fantastic reply by the way, will keep that one in mind for the future!

i think trying to start again with this person is your best bet, take control of the situation rather than have the rest of your relationship (which if you are neighbours is going to continue, bad or otherwise) based on his bad behaviour

people are scared of change and this man has used the 'attack as the best form of defence' - he was wrong but really you can take the upper hand, take control of this as continuing your relationship with him as a reaction to his initial rudeness is going to be very stressful.

he was not commenting on your ability to read, he was pointing out the notice..

A bottle of wine?!

Mynotfinkso!

i would have told him to sod off! so no i dont think you were rude! just ignore him from now on.

I can fully understand you being pissed off with him but if you are planning on living there awhile the bad atmosphere will really start to get you down.
Next time you see him i would just say a hello,you don't have to make conversation with him, but you don't want him thinking he has got to you.

Just to add - we too get on well with all the other neighbours. No problem at all.
I do not need to include the parking troll in my day, or even in my peripheral, so I don't!

Come on! He's nasty and was spoiling for a fight.

He could have said: 'Hello! I'm your neighbour. Would you mind not propping open the door because we're concerned about security here and like to look out for each other?'

I'm concerned about security but would have let it go in that instance because OP and her movers were in and out all the time so probably would have put off dodgy characters or at least noticed they were being dodgy.

Also I think it's rude and ignorant to bark: 'Can't you read?' at anyone, let alone a new neighbour.

The time to have a word would be if she carried on propping open the door without a reasonable excuse.

Ok, your neighbour behaved like a dick and under no circumstances should you try to make a fresh start. You are perfectly entitled to ignore his 'pleasantries' and let it fester. Enjoy.

Pictish - piss off. Sorry if I shouldn't ve swearing at ladies and all that.

Argh! Need to get away from Mumsnet.

I know!!

"can you read?!"

And on moving day as well!

Fuck off bell end.

thanks urban. X-posted btw

Do I have to give you a bottle of wine now Farty?

No, I'm pregnant. [yawn]

He was rude to you about the "can you read?"

He may have been trying to make amends by saying good morning and the "staring" may have been his way of tyring to catch your eye IYSWIM?

You were rude not to say a quick Hello back.

And the fact that your grandad would "never swear at a young lady bit" - well that's nice but not everyone is like that and at least he didn't say f*ing

What has your degree got to do with it?

I agree with pictish. Don't let him stress you any more.

Some chocolate then..or maybe I can bake you a cake?

Greeting a stranger with the words: 'Can't you read!' or 'Are you blind/deaf?' is always a bad move in case they say 'No' and start sobbing or fix you with an unfocused stare or say in a strange voice: 'Would you mind repeating that please, because I've been profoundly deaf since birth.'

Smart arses are everywhere. Some of us are more inventive than others.

Perhaps I'm being obtuse, but does it really matter if you have a good relationship with him? He's one silly old man in your building. Forget he exists.

I don't know half my neighbours and frankly think the one's at the end of the street are a pack of hyenas and after I scolded them for letting their five year old hang out the 2nd story window they've been giving me dirty looks for months. Screw em! I don't know them, I don't want to know them and I could care less about what they think of me.

Now if they start putting burning bags of dog poo on my steps, that will be a different story. But until that day I'll continue to ignore them like they don't exist.

YABU and very rude

"I really am not usually a rude person. I just hate people treating me like this because I am young/renting/a woman or all 3! "

How do you know that he did? Did he say that to you?

He was rude to you on moving day, of couse he was but you being rude back to him is not going to help matters either. You don't have to be Little Miss Sunshine to him but responding to his "good morning" with a terse "morning" would probably pacify him. Not that it's your job to pacify him of course but he is your neighbour and, IME, it helps to keep your neighbours on side...

Chaddy. Yes you are right she should be lovely to the man who asked her if she were illiterate and who gives her death stares whilst she's trying to park. What planet are you on!

"He wasn't making amends. He is saying 'now you know who the boss is round here, I will allow you to make polite conversation with me'"

^That.

In fact, everything pictish says.

Chaddy. You've actually replied yabu to the ops question of whether her neighbour is a dick. So you don't actually think he's a dick? Are you the neighbour?

PooPoo