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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DP to at least tell me that he's changed his mind about coming over on his birthday?

85 replies

NeedAPCOSMiracle · 08/08/2012 11:08

DP was 40 yesterday.

I got dressed up nicely and got a few things ready for him. We last spoke at 6 and he said he was coming.

Then he went missing the whole night. No calls, no texts, still nothing today.

I know it's unlikely something has happened to him. So he must have gone missing for a reason, or he's lost the phone or left it somewhere or something.

Still, I really don't know what to do. I'm just so worried, I'm ttc, on clomid, meant to have just ovulated, we were discussing baby names and where we were moving to yesterday.

I just can't see why he would do that, he could at least just tell me why he couldn't come, he knew I was waiting all night, if something was wrong with the phone he could just come over.

This is not unreasonable, is it?

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 08/08/2012 11:10

Is this another thread? Sure I have just read this elsewhere?Confused

Original poster
NeedAPCOSMiracle · 08/08/2012 11:11

Yes, I thought it might get more traffic in AIBU, I posted in relationships for some hand holding as well.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 08/08/2012 11:11

I have to ask, why are you trying to conceive a child with someone who does not even live with you??

Original poster
NeedAPCOSMiracle · 08/08/2012 11:12

Squeaky, that is a long story I don't particularly want to get into right now. I was hoping for some advice, not judgey questions.

OP posts:
Schnarkle · 08/08/2012 11:13

How bizzare. Does he often do this to you? if my DP/DH didn't show up after saying he would I'd be very worried. You don't seem at all concerned really.

What has the fact that you're ttc got to do with the fact that he never bothered his ass to show up at your place?

HecateHarshPants · 08/08/2012 11:13

No. But until you know what's happened, you can't know what best to do.

Does he do this a lot? If so, do you seriously want a baby with a bloke who does this? He won't change, you know.

If it's a one off, then is it not more likely something's happened? Ill family member, terrible emergency, etc?

GhostShip · 08/08/2012 11:13

Has he been in touch at all?

AThingInYourLife · 08/08/2012 11:14

Don't have a child with this man.

honeytea · 08/08/2012 11:14

Oh poor you, it is not fair of him to make other plans without telling you. I hope he turns up and is very very sorry!

I understand your frustration about it being near ovulation time, when I was ttc missing my ovulation would have anoyed me more than anything!!

squeakytoy · 08/08/2012 11:14

I am not being judgey, but my advice would be not to, if he is the type of bloke who has no consideration for you, and buggers off out on the piss with his mates, without letting you know.. because I bet that is exactly what he has done.

Original poster
NeedAPCOSMiracle · 08/08/2012 11:15

I think it has a lot to do with it, you don't normally go missing on a woman you are planning a baby with.

No he's still MIA. It really is a one off. He's never been like this before. Surely even if there was an emergency he could just quickly tell me? I'd like to know, I care about his family.

OP posts:
honeytea · 08/08/2012 11:16

Oh and I was ttc when I lived on the other side of the world to my DP when he came to visit not imaculate conception different things work for different people, if ttc when you don't live together works for you then don't let other people's judgements put you of.

Lora1982 · 08/08/2012 11:16

there was no need to get snotty with squeaky. why mention it in your origional post if you didnt want questions about it. Ive got a feeling he thinks your a bit full-on.

verytellytubby · 08/08/2012 11:16

Out on the lash and sleeping it off? Bizarre behaviour if you had plans. Can you contact his mates?

Olympia2012 · 08/08/2012 11:18

Have you got the day off work? Or are you waiting around for him?

I would just get on with my day

Schnarkle · 08/08/2012 11:18

I think you know in your heart of hearts he's had a better offer and he's gone off on the piss with his mates for his 40th.

Do you have any numbers for his family you could call and make discrete enquiries. To establish if in fact anything has happened another family member.

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2012 11:19

If it's a complete one off then why don't you sound remotely concerned for his safety and well being...you're more concerned about missing your 'slot' when TTC.

My DH has never done anything like this so I'd be beside myself with worry.

Original poster
NeedAPCOSMiracle · 08/08/2012 11:19

I was not getting snotty, Lora. And for what it's worth, judging by the night before I would not have said it was me that was full on. Even if I was, surely it would be easier just to say that he's going out with mates? I even said to him, listen I totally understand if you want to go out with your mates, it's ok....

Wait just got a message!

"So sorry, I was so drunk last night. No excuses I know."

!

OP posts:
ThreeWheelsGood · 08/08/2012 11:20

Have you checked with his family? Could he be in hospital or something? Or do you know he's been elsewhere?

Schnarkle · 08/08/2012 11:20

Alls well that ends well then. Best of luck with the ttc.

Original poster
NeedAPCOSMiracle · 08/08/2012 11:21

Worra. That is unfair, I haven't missed the slot anyway, it was at the weekend.

And I was concerned for his well being, it's just we all know realistically that it's going to be that he's gone on the piss, which is exactly what he did.

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 08/08/2012 11:21

So he has his own place? You will never be certain what he's up to

ThreeWheelsGood · 08/08/2012 11:21

Oh, cross post! Tell him you were worried, might make him feel guilty. Definitely don't have kids with him, what a knob.

AThingInYourLife · 08/08/2012 11:21

Beware the uncommitted man desperate to get you pregnant.

GhostShip · 08/08/2012 11:22

I don't understand why you aren't worried OP?