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Original poster

To expect DP to at least tell me that he's changed his mind about coming over on his birthday?

85 replies

NeedAPCOSMiracle · 08/08/2012 11:08

DP was 40 yesterday.

I got dressed up nicely and got a few things ready for him. We last spoke at 6 and he said he was coming.

Then he went missing the whole night. No calls, no texts, still nothing today.

I know it's unlikely something has happened to him. So he must have gone missing for a reason, or he's lost the phone or left it somewhere or something.

Still, I really don't know what to do. I'm just so worried, I'm ttc, on clomid, meant to have just ovulated, we were discussing baby names and where we were moving to yesterday.

I just can't see why he would do that, he could at least just tell me why he couldn't come, he knew I was waiting all night, if something was wrong with the phone he could just come over.

This is not unreasonable, is it?

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedAPCOSMiracle · 08/08/2012 11:22

I don't think he was up to anything apart from getting pissed to be honest.

Have told him how unhappy I am.

OP posts:
HecateHarshPants · 08/08/2012 11:22

He's never ever blown you off before? Never ever not shown up when he said he would?

Not given any sign that he's not happy with the direction the relationship has taken? No indications that he is just going along with ttc and not totally involved with it? No reluctance to move in with you? Nothing to indicate there is anything going on at all?

Then clearly something has happened, hasn't it? If this is totally out of character and something he has never done to you and he never treats you in a way that would suggest that he would do this to you, then it means something has happened. Family member ill or rushed to hospital perhaps? In an emergency situation, someone doesn't always think to phone their girlfriend. I know they should, but they don't.

Just call or text, saying that you hope everything is ok, since he didn't come over last night and you'd appreciate him letting you know what's happened when he's able.

If it was something he has previous for, or there was something else going on, my suggestion would be something else entirely Grin

FermezLaBouche · 08/08/2012 11:23

That's a fucking rubbish message which you're obviously expected to suck up and tolerate. I would be livid - not at the staying out, but that he couldn't find 8 seconds to call or text you to explain what he was doing.

HecateHarshPants · 08/08/2012 11:23

Oh, x post.

Forget my reply then.

He just chose to get pissed rather than come over.

That's rather odd for a man who's never done anything like that ever.

Is everything ok with him?

StripyMagicDragon · 08/08/2012 11:24

I'd be phoning the police station and hospitals if that was my dh. Can you get a hold of any of his family or friends?

If this is the first time, I'd be scared of what may have happened to him.
If not, I'd be furious and think about the future of the relationship.

Hope he turns up soon.

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2012 11:25

And I was concerned for his well being, it's just we all know realistically that it's going to be that he's gone on the piss, which is exactly what he did

I'm really fucking confused here.

You say 'we all know realistically...' and yet you said No he's still MIA. It really is a one off. He's never been like this before??

Glad he's made contact with you but I'm finding it hard to believe he's never done this before.

Original poster
NeedAPCOSMiracle · 08/08/2012 11:25

Ghost, I was worried! Where did I say I wasn't worried, I was up all night wondering where he was.

But like I said, usually in this situation, it's because they've decided to do something else and not even tell you.

Everything is fine with him. He was just drunk. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedAPCOSMiracle · 08/08/2012 11:27

Worra, I was speaking from experience with former ex's and friend's dhs, so with regard to him it is a one off.

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 08/08/2012 11:27

He won't live with you will he? I'd be asking myself why!

AThingInYourLife · 08/08/2012 11:27

It was his 40th birthday and he couldn't be bothered to see you or even contact you, despite having plans.

Your comment about understanding if he wanted to go out with his mates really casts you in a "her indoors" role.

It was his birthday, even if he did want to go out with friends, why didn't he want you there too?

squeakytoy · 08/08/2012 11:29

"But like I said, usually in this situation, it's because they've decided to do something else and not even tell you"

So thats ok then? It wouldnt be for me. In 12 years my husband has never once gone MIA overnight. He knew you were sat waiting for him and couldnt even be bothered to let you know, or even invite you out to join him.

Fuck that! I repeat, I would not want to have a child with someone so selfish.

Original poster
NeedAPCOSMiracle · 08/08/2012 11:29

Thing, I really do not understand why he didn't want me there, especially as the night before he had made a big thing of wanting me there.

I can only think that he started drinking and then got so pissed he couldn't manage the phone.

I'm really not happy. At least he has finally told me but still it's nowhere near good enough.

OP posts:
FutTheShuckUp · 08/08/2012 11:30

He's 40 and sounds like he is in a teenage relationship, zero comitment on his part, just comes (probably literally) and goes as he pleases. Why on earth would you wish to bring a child into something as juvenile as this?

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2012 11:30

So based on nothing but your former ex's and friend's dhs, you assumed he was simply out getting pissed and forgot to come home?

Yet he has an exemplary record of never having done it before?

How long have you been dating him?

Original poster
NeedAPCOSMiracle · 08/08/2012 11:30

Squeaky you are totally right, I know.

Right, need to go away to think about this now.

OP posts:
GhostShip · 08/08/2012 11:31

Your OP is very matter of fact, there's no sign of any worry or concern for his behalf, you just jumped to 'is he being unreasonable for not letting me know' despite it bein possible he was in a situation where he couldnt har let you know!

Or have I got this completely wrong, and you knew he was ok before you posted?

Like worra, I am confused.

BlisdergamesbeginPack · 08/08/2012 11:31

Ok, everything is fine, he just decided to stand you up and go get drunk Hmm.

I know you don't want to hear it, but the posters are right when they say don't have a baby with this man. He doesn't even have the courtesy to let you know that he's changed his mind and yet you're discussing baby names before even getting pregnant.

Olympia2012 · 08/08/2012 11:31

It takes some time before you get to the 'unable to use a phone' stage

You are too accepting. He didn't want you there, you need to think why?

verytellytubby · 08/08/2012 11:32

Why don't you live together? I would be gutted if my DP did this to me on his 40th. I'd be questioning why I wasn't allowed to celebrate with him.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 08/08/2012 11:32

OP - my DH has never done this, not once. It is not a thing that all men do, it is a thing that some selfish arseholes do.

FannyFifer · 08/08/2012 11:35

He sounds like a total catch and just the type of man to have a family with, good luck TTC.

AThingInYourLife · 08/08/2012 11:35

Unless he was mainlining vodka he had hours during which he could have called or texted.

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2012 11:36

But then again if you have this 'shrug' all men do it attitude, he probably sees it as a green light to take the piss...since that's what you expect of him.

I most certainly wouldn't be having a baby with him.

He's not your 'DP' by the way...he's the guy you're dating and don't live with.

Ditch him and raise your standards and expectations before you date anyone else.

FutTheShuckUp · 08/08/2012 11:36

Nor has mine Alibaba. OP dont kid yourself its in anyway the norm as it isnt.
You sound painfully naieve

Cherubim · 08/08/2012 11:37

What AThing said.

Actually, AThing, I'm finding myself agreeing with pretty much everything you post lately Shock Wink