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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I think a friend gave my child gelatine in food

255 replies

yetanothernamechnager · 06/08/2012 22:49

I am very upset with him mum thinks I am being unreasonable

OP posts:
Sirzy · 07/08/2012 10:12

well if you work on the they may object to it when older we better not feed them at all then until they can decide. What a strange comment

Having a vegetarain/vegan house is fine, expecting your 9 year old to be vegetarain/vegan simply because you are isn't.

GhostShip · 07/08/2012 10:13

Fuzzywuzzy - if a 'halal' apple travels in a van that contains something 'non halal' then it isn't contaminated and is therefore none halal.

It is not utter contempt for their choices. It's contempt that we are eating these foods without being told.

A lot of assuming and accusing goes on in this debate.

notactuallyme · 07/08/2012 10:14

sadly, the veggie funny mix, in my opinion, taste revolting. as do the veggie percy pigs. the jelly beans, otoh, yum.

fuzzywuzzy · 07/08/2012 10:16

Ghostship, I dont understand what you mean, an apple is by default halal, unless you wrap it in a slice of ham it's always going to be halal.

If you transport it alongside meat, well that's just unhygenic as apples and meat should be treated differently whilst being transported.

crescentmoon · 07/08/2012 10:16

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crescentmoon · 07/08/2012 10:18

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Toughasoldboots · 07/08/2012 10:19

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ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/08/2012 10:21

Ghostship I think there may be an issue with Kosher food travelling with non Kosher or carrying meat and dairy together for example. I am not aware of the same issue with Halal.

SDTGisAnOlympicWolefGenius · 07/08/2012 10:22

Poopoo is making the same point that I did, Gnocchi - that as parents we all make decisions for our children when they are young - whether it is that we will feed them meat/be vegetarian, give them a diet that is mainly home made from scratch or one heavily reliant on junk food, to attend church/temple/mosque or not, what manners we expect and what behaviour we enforce, where they will live and what schools they will attend - this is called parenting. As our children grow up, they learn more about the different choices, and can start to make their own decisions, with guidance from us where necessary - so it makes little sense to categorise some parenting decisions as 'forcing them down a route you have chosen'.

When children are small, we have to make the important decisions for them, because they don't have the knowledge, experience or emotional maturity to make them themselves - so when ds1 was 10 months old, we didn't consult him on whether dh should take a new job that would require us to move from Wiltshire to Essex, nor did he have a say in the house that we bought. When we moved house again, the boys, who were all under 7, did get to look round the new house, and expressed their opinions, but the decision was still taken by dh and I. But when dh was offered a job in Scotland, we consulted them and gave equal weight to their opinions, because it was such a big move, and they were old enough to contribute to the decision.

Sirzy · 07/08/2012 10:23

but because we make a choice doesnt mean thats the only option for the child. If they choose to eat meat why should the parent stop that?

Stokey38 · 07/08/2012 10:24

The vegetarian bashing on MN is so odd and really I never come across it anywhere else but here. My DC are vegetarian because I am and will be until they are old enough to make their own decisions. My DD(4) doesn't eat Haribo, Percy Pig etc as I have explained there are bits of cow in there and she doesn't want to eat it. This may well change when she is older and that is fine, but I won't cook it as I haven't eaten it for almost 25 years and have no idea how to cook it and defintely won't taste it. If they want to spend their pocket money on a big Mac I don't suppose I can stop them and nor will I. Their choice. My DC are not picky, eat really well and heathily, don't miss out at parties and don't seem to miss Haribo! However, going back to OP's original point, the gelatine one is a bit tricky and not always painfully obviously unless you make a point of checking it so maybe a genuine mistake.

honeytea · 07/08/2012 10:25

It's not really as simplistic as refusing a child sweets. There are lots of alternatives and I don't think childline would define it as 'cruel'.

For me it is about choosing to make your child different. As I have said no meat was the norm where I grew up but when I did go to places where meat was normal I didn't want to be "difficult" or "different" that was my choice to make as a child.

The reasons to not eat meat are so personal, I think it is silly to expect your child to have the same feelings towards meat. So for me my mum beleived that it was unfair to eat animals, I think there would be no cows/sheep/pigs if we didn't eat them. My mum feels the carbon footprint of meat is too high. I don't drive so the occasional sauasage isn't going to make me into a big carbon user. I feel like as part of a healthy diet meat can be an occasional treat.

I hope that when my child is 9 he will be able to understand these options enough to make his own decisions. The difference between letting a 2 year old run into the road and a 9 year old eat a sweet is the 2 year old could die!

It is right that faith schools or baptising a baby into a faith is the same as choosing a restictive diet for your children and I wouldn't do that either. Sure for the first few years of a childs life parents have to option but to bring up their children in the way they think is right but I think it is important to let children have autonomy as soon as they safely can.

JumpingThroughHoops · 07/08/2012 10:25

crescent

I only lifted the entire page from the website, I didn't write it or selectively take pieces from it.

Personally I give little thought to where my meat comes from so long as it's disease free and tastes good. If I spend my days wringing my hands in angst pondering whether my lamb roast was shot, stunned or had its throat slit, I would be a very hungry person.

notactuallyme · 07/08/2012 10:26

'The vegetarian bashing on MN is so odd'

Yes. I am frequently surprised by how vehement some people get about letting a child eat meat. Like its on a par with DisneyWorld or something.

Viviennemary · 07/08/2012 10:29

This is my opinion. The only way you can ensure your child only eats what you want them to is to home school, never let them play at anybody's house, and grow all your own food. And that is simplifying things. Otherwise there is always the risk that they will eat something you don't want them to.

LunaticFringe · 07/08/2012 10:36

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DappyHays · 07/08/2012 10:37

My DD2, age 4, and her best mate had a joint birthday party recently. He and his family are Hindu and don't eat meat. At their joint birthday party they had thrones next to each other for their food after the soft play fun they had. When she wasn't looking and while I was too far away to stop him, her wee pal pinched a chicken nugget off of my DD's plate and wolfed it down. I said whoops to his mum who wasn't looking, I think he's just had some chicken, and she shrugged and said, it happens, I don't have eyes on the back of my head, and laughed.

I think she has a healthy attitude towards it...and my DD scores for all the Haribos he can't have when they're at parties Grin

Paperclips · 07/08/2012 10:39

I haven't read the whole of this thread, but if your child is as old as 9 he/she probably has a good idea of what is/isn't allowed.

I'm not criticising Vegans, but it is a pretty restrictive diet, doesn't leave a lot of nice naughty "fun" food available. Your kids will want to try the foods they are not allowed, if everyone else is eating it.

You can bet all your pocket money that the average 9 year old is enjoying chocolate, cakes, haribo, cheesey things etc behind your back when they get a chance, i.e school-friends share them.

That said, if I knew a friend didn't want her kids to eat a certain food, even if its just on a principle, I would never give it to them knowingly.

tittytittyhanghang · 07/08/2012 10:40

re substituting haribos for chocolate buttons, i read (not sure of its 100% true so maybe someone else can clarify) that baby cows are killed at birth as they are surplus to requirements (i assume because they would drink the milk?) rather than the milk going into production. Is this a myth? I really hope so.

notactuallyme · 07/08/2012 10:41

''You can bet all your pocket money that the average 9 year old is enjoying chocolate, cakes, haribo, cheesey things etc behind your back when they get a chance, i.e school-friends share them.''

Really? It's so weird the way people WANT veggie kids to rebel. Why is it such a big deal to everyone else? FWIW, no, i doubt very much my 9 year old ds is eating anything not vegetarian at the moment (away at camp).

Toughasoldboots · 07/08/2012 10:41

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JumpingThroughHoops · 07/08/2012 10:42

Calves are veal.

Bull calves are killed, female calves will be used for milk. On the assumption you are talking about dairy cows as opposed to beef cows.

notactuallyme · 07/08/2012 10:45

're substituting haribos for chocolate buttons' this was me - yes, there is a lot more i could be doing in the name of animal welfare, but being vegetarian and avoiding leather is about all i can manage at the moment.

Sirzy · 07/08/2012 10:45

I certainly wouldnt want any child to rebel, I would hope they would decide for themselves based upon what they had been taught.

Actually the only 2 former veggies I know who have rebelled are the ones who even as older children/teenagers where pretty much told "I say you are veggie therefore you are" whereas those I know with parents who were more relaxed about it as they got older decided for themselves it was what they wanted even if they did have a brief wobble/experiment with meat at some point

Stokey38 · 07/08/2012 10:51

"For me it is about choosing to make your child different" Really? Again, being vegetarian isn't 'different' these days, in fact I would say it's quite evenly split with children who are/n't vegetarian. Dare I say it... it's really not a big deal either way!