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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that SIL has started forward facing her DD?

168 replies

GnocchiNineDoors · 04/08/2012 21:48

She is 9 months. I know this is the 'minimum' age, however when I said "god, they grow so fast didnt realise she was passed the minimum weight" she said it was age. I replied that I thought it was weight, but apparently "some are age, some are weight"

Confused

I have seen the videos of 'internal decapitation' and have read up on rear facing and the benefits and want to do it as long as possible.

I actually feel cross that they don't look into these things and have turned her forward.

OP posts:
Sargesaweyes · 04/08/2012 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumoftwolilboys · 04/08/2012 22:56

Have you explained to her the dangers of going FF before reaching the minimal weight? Is her baby quite small? Did you explain to her that there are rear facing car seats if needed? (we didn't until the mothercare assistant told us and so we ended up buying one, It was complete crap by the way and we wished we had just bought a good forward facing one)

Did you just keep quiet after she said that she didn't check the weight as you were so cross about it?

YANBU if you explained everything to her about the safety and she just didn't care.

YABU if you hadn't said anything and just got all cross with her about it as she may have a load of issues that she might be dealing with that you don't know about. (My SIL and a lot of close friends don't actually know what I'm going through most the time)

Pumpster · 04/08/2012 22:56

How many babies do we know of who have been decapitated?
my dd2 was ff at 6 months as she was very large. Mind your own business, really.

TooManyDaisies · 04/08/2012 22:57

couthy don't intend to "carp" about anything Smile

Am guessing you don't own a car then? So not an issue for you? Sorry if you explained that up-thread...

mumoftwolilboys · 04/08/2012 22:57

sorry, that should've said...

".... as she may have a load of issues that she might be dealing with that you don't know about, to be doing loads of research on what she thinks is not necessary, i.e. her DC is quite safe in a car seat."

Original poster
GnocchiNineDoors · 04/08/2012 22:58

mumoftwolilboys I think a conversation about the benefits of ERF might be better saved for when we are face to face rather than on FB.

OP posts:
mumoftwolilboys · 04/08/2012 23:00

If you really think it's urgent and it's really dangerous and you care about your DN, send a PM now. That's what I normally do when it goes beyond the normaly FB bit so it's a bit more personal and friendly. Or have I been misusing FB all this time? Eeeks!

Flojo1979 · 04/08/2012 23:01

DS went forward facing at 6 months because he was well above the weight limit (he was a 10 pounder at birth).
And the hv advised that 7 yrs ago, thankfully he was fine.
But YABU to tell someone else what to do with their dc's.
If u can find a diplomatic way to point out how the guidelines change so much for children such as when u were a baby ppl put rusks in a bottle and these days dc's should be rear facing til 4....

JugsMcGee · 04/08/2012 23:02

DS was 91st centile weight and 99.6th height. He reached 9kg at 6 months! His infant carrier went up to 13kg though so I was able to keep him in that until he got too tall for it around 12m. We then bought a group 0+1 seat which also RFs to 13kg and then turns FF (can FF from 9kg). People seem to think that it's group 0 infant carrier then turn FF or you have to spend a fortune on an ERF seat. But there are seats out there that are 0+1 so will do you until they're about 4. Ours cost £80.

He has dropped to 75th centile weight now, he is 17m and just coming up for 13kg so will be turning soon. He was massive as a baby and still managed to get to 1yr in his bucket seat. I think it would be better if the infant seats catered for taller babies and if all of them went to 13kg, as I think some of them only go to 9? There should also be more choice for 0+1 seats and seats that are more affordable. The availability for these seats is pretty poor in the UK and not well advertised at all.

And I'm pretty sure all of the seats are based on weight, not age. It's 9kg AND 9 months.

sheepsgomeeping · 04/08/2012 23:03

I kept dd1 rear facing until she was 14 months as she was so tiny but ds went forward facing at around nine months cos he was so huge but that was twelve years ago

My youngest dc were around a year whenthey faced forward. Manufacturers need to bring the prices down of these car seats if they want to reduce the risk of injury .

What do you do if your toddler regularly escapes the straps of car seat. I've tightened the straps altered them, tried a different seat u name it I've tried it. She's two.

JugsMcGee · 04/08/2012 23:04

Sheeps have you seen those seats with the impact cushions instead of straps?

peanutMD · 04/08/2012 23:05

YABU to get cross about it.

YANBU to advise her on the information you have and then let her choose what she would like to do.
-
This always turns into a big debate with people feeling guilty and others explaining themselves over and over again!

I don't own a car and probably access one maybe twice a week so ERF isn't really a consideration for me unfortunately but I would be interested to know what stage 0+ last the longest for dc2 :)

RubyrooUK · 04/08/2012 23:05

Genuine question: does nobody else have a child who gets sick and freaks out in a reverse facing car seat?

The first nine months of DS' life were a misery whenever we had to use the car because he freaked out so much in his seat that both DH and I used to end up crying. He was sick with distress six times in a four hour car journey once. It was a disaster.

He never got used to it and at nine months he was well over the weight limit so I switched to ff. I knew this was not as safe as rear facing but I felt it was even unsafer to have journeys so stressful that DH and I were crying and he was vomiting everywhere.

He is fine in his ff seat and car journeys are no longer stressful. I did think maybe he had just grown out of it but we borrowed a friend's rf seat on a weekend away a couple of weeks ago and he went entirely mental and was sick down himself (he's nearly two).

Has anyone successfully got a child over a massive hatred of rf car seats?

Northernlurker · 04/08/2012 23:06

Car seats are an expensive item. I think it's really offensive for people to suggest, as they have on this thread tbh, that parents who comply with the current law in using forward facing seats are being in some way neglectful and just not trying hard enough to pay for a rearward facing one.
For those of you planning to buy over the net make sure you can get it fitted properly. Rear facing or front facing, it's the fitting that matters.

mumoftwolilboys · 04/08/2012 23:07

I think flojo has said it much better than I have :) - diplomatic way of informing her would be the way forward.

Perhaps I'm just thinking about my relationship with my SIL, who is not annoying to me at all and we're nice-ish towards each other. You may have a completely different type of r'ship with her.

RawShark · 04/08/2012 23:08

Sheeps. I have one with a restraining cushion not 5 point harness. All my friends say it looks really uncomfortable and sweaty(my sister says this EVERY TIME grrrrrr ) though my DS does not seem to mind - may be cos I moved him into it straight away from RF bucket seat. He has never escaped this although is getting pretty Houdini with the pram straps.......

Sargesaweyes · 04/08/2012 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RawShark · 04/08/2012 23:11

it was pretty expensive though - over £200. BUT alledgedly lasts till 12 yo. If you can get a 12 yo in such an uncool contraption

peanutMD · 04/08/2012 23:11

Regarding the group 1 seats with cushion instead of straps, how are they secured into the car?

peanutMD · 04/08/2012 23:14

Rawshark - car seats have a 6 year life span nowadays due to the use of degradable materials.

Any that say suitable from 9 months-12 years for example are given as the age range it can be used for NOT how long the seat will last.

lagoonhaze · 04/08/2012 23:16

Sheeps you get a chest belt. Debate over whether strictly legal or illegal but better than a child escaping. Besafe do a cheap one.

fruitybread · 04/08/2012 23:19

Several hundred pounds IS a lot of money for some people and not everyone can get their hands on it at short notice.

Cars are indeed expensive to run. I have several friends who don't own a car because they can't afford it but DO have car seats for their babies because they need for them for lifts with friends/family when available.

sheepsgomeeping · 04/08/2012 23:20

I have seen them but the price is out of my league at the moment. How are they strapped in though. Wouldn't they get whiplash in an impact?

I've resorted to chocolate and bribery but that is not ideal, she can escape in a split second

RawShark · 04/08/2012 23:20

Ah OKpeanut thanks for the advice. Although if it was in use as a booster not sure whether this is as important as it's more positioning of child vs seatbelt ? So more research to do....

Anyhow I doubt it will be in a state fit for human occupation by then anyway.

Mu cushion seat fixes in by seatbelt. No isofix. But my car doesn;t have iso fix, and this didn't appear to affect the safety tests disproportionately , probably on the basis that it is very very simple to fit properly. Although I woudl say as with everything it is also easy enough NOT to fit properly unless you understand how tight it neesd to be . Ours was moving from car to car though so needed to be simple, which it is as just goes on back seat, and we both understand how it needs to be fixed.

sheepsgomeeping · 04/08/2012 23:21

She can get out of a chest belt too. She is like Houdini