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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that SIL has started forward facing her DD?

168 replies

GnocchiNineDoors · 04/08/2012 21:48

She is 9 months. I know this is the 'minimum' age, however when I said "god, they grow so fast didnt realise she was passed the minimum weight" she said it was age. I replied that I thought it was weight, but apparently "some are age, some are weight"

Confused

I have seen the videos of 'internal decapitation' and have read up on rear facing and the benefits and want to do it as long as possible.

I actually feel cross that they don't look into these things and have turned her forward.

OP posts:
bonzaii · 04/08/2012 22:25

my ds was rear facing till 12months+ and he was a big baby height and weight wise.... are all rear facing seats the same size? i only moved ds forward facing because of his legs, werent sure if he was too long because there is little guidance about height imo

GreyTS · 04/08/2012 22:26

Gnocchi we bought out erf from carseats.se, was cheaper than buying locally even including delivery and took about 2 working days to arrive. Here in ireland rear facing after 9 months is rare most parents here seem to comply with the legally required bare minimum so while my 3 year old is in a rear facing maxi cosi all her friends are in boosters. I never say anything but I am often shocked esp as most of the mums in our social circle drive BMWs Audis etc but recoil at spending a few hundred euros on a car seat.

elliejjtiny · 04/08/2012 22:27

Argos used to sell a birth to 4 years car seat that was one of the cheapest ones around, not sure if they still do. My 18 month old is still in his infant bucket seat with a lot of growing room to spare.

I think by the time I have DGC's new cars will be built with the back seat facing backwards as standard so all DC's will be rear facing unless they sit in the front. And all of us who still have old fashioned back seat facing forwards cars will be like the grandparents who give babies chocolate and put whisky on their gums now Grin

RawShark · 04/08/2012 22:28

My DS was out of his rear facing when his head stuck above, circa 10 months, as this is very unsafe. I read that rear facing are very bulky and given I have a very small hatch back (as apparently per the research I did, a lot of the UK does) it just wasn;t practical unless I bought a new car. I am also shit at parking so a large car would also be a nightmare for me.

I went for a kiddi guardian which are apparently almost as safe as rear facing for lateral impact crashes, which is what women tend to have (still scratching my head as to whether I need a different car seat for my husband as men tend to crash going forwards Smile).

The goodyear advert makes me so annoyed as if I loved my children I would buy their tyres Hmm

Can I just point out for anyone who doesn;t know that booster seats are ESSENTIAL for older children so the seat belt fits safely and doesn't injure them MORE in a crash

brdgrl · 04/08/2012 22:30

YANBU to be concerned, but I think being annoyed is a bit pointless. I suspect you find her annoying about other things?

Scandanavian countries go rear-facing so much longer. You also hear so many false objections to rear-facing.

I do find it frustrating that the UK is so behind on car safety for children generally. There is no place where we live where you can get a check to see if your seat is correctly installed, for example, whereas in the US where my sisters live, they regularly offer checks at the fire stations; they will check to see if the seat is in properly (most are not!) and also that the users are doing it correctly (most people think they are, but aren't). And when we got our first seat, at Halfords, the 'professional' didn't have a clue - he put the seat in and it flopped forwards; he just sort of shrugged, and the clear message was that we were being PFB to be worried about such things.

My DD is 2 and she is in a rear-facing seat which should last her until she is 4. We got it for under £200, delivered - a good price but still is the only thing we have ever bought her which cost anywhere near that much (we aren't well off, and her cot was second-hand, her stroller cost £6 off gumtree...) - but this was the one place it was worth it - if it meant she didn't get a single new article of clothing for the next three years, so be it. We got the BeSafe Combi, and it is amazing.

Ohhelpohnoitsa · 04/08/2012 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RawShark · 04/08/2012 22:32

SO to answer the AIBU- I guess it depends. You are being unreasonable if she has the wrong end of the stick. A gentle word would do the trick surely?

Original poster
GnocchiNineDoors · 04/08/2012 22:32

brdgrl Grin you are correct, I do find her annoying about other things. Do you mind me asking where you bought her ERF seat? Along with the online recommendation from GreyTS I am hoping that I will be able to have one posted out.

I have a very old banger of a Micra and maybe this plays a part in my wanting the safest seat - my car isn't modern and I associate this with less safe.

OP posts:
brdgrl · 04/08/2012 22:35

gnocchi, let me look around for the link or the receipt - it was a year ago and i don't remember - it was definitely an online deal...i'll look now and post/pm you!

It is kind of big and bulky - but it also sits the kid up quite high which I like because DD can see out the windows and is happier!

JollyHockeyStick · 04/08/2012 22:36

Gnocchi, we phoned InCarSafety people and had a chat with them before ordering. They had seen our car type before so were happy to advise. We live 100s of miles from our nearest place that sells them.

Ds stayed in his maxi cosi pebble until 12 months when we bought a Britax rear facing. Although big for his age, at 15 months his head is still not over the top of the maxi cosi and I'm pretty sure he's not over the max weight either.

RawShark · 04/08/2012 22:36

What does the E in ERF stand for?

DuelingFanjo · 04/08/2012 22:36

for many people, plucking £200+ out of the air is near on impossible. Really, it is. It's even hard for many people to save that amount.

cerealqueen · 04/08/2012 22:37

If you feel so strongly to have posted here, THEN SAY SOMETHING. No point telling us, we are all strangers. Maybe she doesn't understand the implications?
All you can do is offer advice or mention to her husband too? Then you have done all you can.

Original poster
GnocchiNineDoors · 04/08/2012 22:37

I have done a bit of 'reasearch' mumsnetting about which ERF seat will fit an old micra and the Britax2 way elite seems to have been successfully installed into old Micras.

OP posts:
Original poster
GnocchiNineDoors · 04/08/2012 22:38

E = extended (as in 'and extended length of time')

OP posts:
CouthyMow · 04/08/2012 22:38

No, my RF car seat was only up to 9mo, the type you get with a travel system. The next one up I have is FF only. Had the baby RF from DS2, who is 7 years older than DS3.

CouthyMow · 04/08/2012 22:40

My FF car seat cost £45. It took me 4 months to save that up. I didn't know when I fell pg with DS3 that Ex-P would walk out when he was 4mo.

TidyDancer · 04/08/2012 22:41

I'm glad I found this thread.

I have just yesterday told my friend that having her baby DD rear-facing in the front seat of an (active) air-bagged car was not only dangerous, but illegal.

It went in one ear and out the other.

Some people are just too 'parents know best' to actually comprehend they could be wrong.

Original poster
GnocchiNineDoors · 04/08/2012 22:41

I do not doubt that money plays a major factor in this, and the ERF seats are very expensive. It is something I will have to save for, and will only be able to start saving for when I return to work after Maternity Leave.

My SIL can afford an ERF seat. I don't think she even knows they exist though.

OP posts:
toobreathless · 04/08/2012 22:41

Our rear facing seat was £350

Ouch!

TooManyDaisies · 04/08/2012 22:41

Wow. Thank you op - I have looked at the rear facing website (and securatot) and feel sick after watching what happens to babies and small children in ff car seats in a crash.

I'm going to do lots more research on Monday to find the best rf seat for our car.

To those who "can't afford" a rf car seat. Really? If your child needed life saving surgery and it cost £300, you'd find it surely? This seems to be such a no brainer. If you can afford to run a car, please find the money to keep your children safe.

I know I'm bring preachy. I've literally just watched the safety videos. Seeing how easily children die in 50mph crashes when ff has completely freaked me out.

Thank you op. Am angry that I hadn't really heard/thought much about this before.

RawShark · 04/08/2012 22:42

Thanks Gnocchi!

iknowwho · 04/08/2012 22:42

Not your issue.
save you worries for your own stuff.

Original poster
GnocchiNineDoors · 04/08/2012 22:42

TooMany I heard about ERF from this website a couple of years ago. Mumsnet should be Health Visitor-recommended Grin

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 04/08/2012 22:43

It is the OP's issue iknowwho. That argument does not apply when it comes to a child's safety.