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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that SIL has started forward facing her DD?

168 replies

GnocchiNineDoors · 04/08/2012 21:48

She is 9 months. I know this is the 'minimum' age, however when I said "god, they grow so fast didnt realise she was passed the minimum weight" she said it was age. I replied that I thought it was weight, but apparently "some are age, some are weight"

Confused

I have seen the videos of 'internal decapitation' and have read up on rear facing and the benefits and want to do it as long as possible.

I actually feel cross that they don't look into these things and have turned her forward.

OP posts:
pinkappleby · 04/08/2012 22:03

If she still fits in the bucket I would send her a link to www.rearfacing.co.uk/ and suggest that she use the baby seat for a bit longer. Then I'd say no more about it.

NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown · 04/08/2012 22:03

Unfortunately that's how a lot of people parent. I think my annoyance is more aimed at HV's, Drs, the government etc that there's not info everywhere about the benefits of rear-facing longer.

1 friend of mine asked me all concerned if our rear-facing car seat was 'safe' in comparison to her front facing one - I almost felt embarrassed telling her it was a lot safer. Another friend told me she'd turned both her children front-facing around 6 months - apparently they both had very good head control. I thought "fat lot of good that's going to do them in an accident" I said nothing. I don't think people thank you for having an opinion about their parenting choices - I mention it to friends with children younger than the mine if it's appropriate but I'd never bring it up with those who've been parenting longer than me, I know they wouldn't take kindly to it

so YANBU to be affected by what you see as ill-informed choice on the part of your SIL but YABU to think that your feelings in it will make a blind bit of difference. Sad but true

Original poster
GnocchiNineDoors · 04/08/2012 22:03

She has told me that she has never had her DD weighed, so I am even more cross that her DD may not be over the set weight.

She is very very close in size to my DD (whether that makes my DD big for her age or her DD small for her age I don't know)

OP posts:
honeytea · 04/08/2012 22:05

*MyDD is 7mo and still has plenty of growing room in her infant seat which we will keep her in until her head starts going over the top.

After that, I really do not know. *

But would it be ok for someone to feel annoyed if you put your dd in a ff seat before she is 4 just because that is what they decide to do?

Also maybe invest in a nice safe volvo or people might feel annoyed that you don't take your child's safety seriously.

MyinnergoddessisatLidl · 04/08/2012 22:06

gnocchi you can buy online.

An old colleague of mine believed in the product so strongly that she set up an online company.

www.securatot.co.uk/products.php

CouthyMow · 04/08/2012 22:06

What happens if your DC has just hit the minimum weight limit, but has VERY long legs, and screams in discomfort because they have their knees by their nose?

It's a moot point for me, really, DS3 only goes in a car seat twice a year, and is 18mo now, but his legs were too long before he hit the minimum weight for forward facing. He has always been over the 98th Centile for height, but hovers around the 50th for weight.

I first put him forward facing at 11mo, but would possibly have had to sooner, when he WAS under the weight limit, due to his height, had he been in a car more often.

I couldn't justify the cost of a rear facing car seat that will only be used twice a year, when I don't own a car and am on benefits. I know they are safer, but using it so rarely, it was an expense too far.

So what would be the general consensus of a very tall but light DC, only using a car seat twice a year, being forward facing from 11mo?

pinkappleby · 04/08/2012 22:07

Gnocchi - sometimes you can find people locally that have the same one as you want and they will let you try it in your car. I have bought two online and have had no problem with fitting myself, I have however had friends with those models that I could have looked at if I needed too. Our council has road safety officers who will check car seats, including rear facing. They say that they get at least one rear facer now in every session they run and they are getting more popular.

Northernlurker · 04/08/2012 22:07

OP - I think you need to back off. Your sil has made a legal choice for her child. You think you know better and tbh if I had a 9 mth old I would be looking at an ERF seat BUT the majority of children at the moment will be using the type of seat that your niece is. You really do not need to feel so smug about your own position.

princelypurpleparrot · 04/08/2012 22:08

A friend of mine turned her DD around at 6m, and I told her, tactfully and nicely, that she was far too young and far too small (she is pretty teeny) to be FF. My friend turned her back around.

Some people just don't know what the guidelines are, and HV's / shops don't help. OP if your DN is quite small I'd say something, because we are talking about the safety of a child here.

Original poster
GnocchiNineDoors · 04/08/2012 22:09

I am not feeling smug about my parenting choices. I am feeling concern at her DD facing forward when I know she would be safer rear facing.

I think I am going to hide her on FB (the source of this and of all angst in general).

OP posts:
CouthyMow · 04/08/2012 22:09

Ah, Stewie, my DS3's ears were over the top of the 'baby' car seat just before he turned 7mo. He was miles away from 9kg then. In fact, he wasn't 9kg at 11mo, now I read my red book. Tbh, he possibly STILL isn't. But he IS taller than a lot of 3yo's...

NarkedRaspberry · 04/08/2012 22:10

It's her choice - and the result of marketing in the UK. Rear facing seats are the norm (and safer) for much older DC in sensible some countries.

SchrodingersMew · 04/08/2012 22:10

My DS has been in a FF since 6/7 months, I had no choice. He didn't fit length ways in the RF anymore and was over the weight limit for the RF.

No option for extended RF as I don't drive (it's PIL's car) and there wouldn't be enough room for it.

pinkappleby · 04/08/2012 22:12

couthy - As someone with a rf seat I would not buy a rf if I was on benefits, or if I only went in a car twice a year, let alone both. Everyone makes their own risk assessment though. Some Rf seats can be a pain to move about and don't fit all cars so if you are moving it about a lot it might not be the best thing even if you had loads of money.

I would be Hmm in my head if you told me it was because he had long legs though. The seats do up to 4 years old and I don't believe his legs are as long as a 4 year olds Grin. He probably moans because he is not used to being trapped in a car seat.

fhdl34 · 04/08/2012 22:13

My SIL put my nephew FF from about 7 months. She said that when they can hold their head up they can go FF!!! I know that's wrong but I didn't correct her. Our babies are 2 months apart in age and we parent very differently. She also has an older child and I just feel that it's not appropriate for me to question her choices even though I know that my nephew is at terrible risk. I've talked to her about wanting to keep DD RF but the seats are expensive and might not fit my car.

hlipop · 04/08/2012 22:13

for our car seat it says 9kg or 1 yr - our dd2 is 16mnts and just hit 8kg she has ff since 1

SchrodingersMew · 04/08/2012 22:15

Btw, just to clarify. DS was just over 11kg when he was moved to FF, our RF was not an option.

Northernlurker · 04/08/2012 22:16

'I suppose my feeling in general is that she doesn't actively seek out up to date information and look beyond what is there on the shelf. She takes everything at face value and never looks for an alternative or 'best for her' option.' - well OP have to say I read that as a pretty smug statement.

toobreathless · 04/08/2012 22:16

YANBU

I am very relaxed generally, don't use stair gates etc but I am planning to rear face my 15 month old for a good time yet. We have he Bizi Besafe which can rear face until 4 yrs.

BertieBotts · 04/08/2012 22:17

But lots of people take stuff at face value, that's okay, isn't it? Sometimes I wish I did, must be less exhausting Grin

I think that gripe should be with the manufacturers, retailers and HCPs who are giving out incorrect advice. Not individuals not doing in depth research.

BertieBotts · 04/08/2012 22:18

hliplop 9kg is the minimum for forward facing so if you have a child under 9kg in a FF seat there is a chance the harness might not protect them in an accident, because it hasn't been tested/approved for this weight group.

midori1999 · 04/08/2012 22:20

YANBU at all.

I know someone who decided to forward face their child at around 5 months. They also started weaning at 8 weeks, putting in a baby walker at around 8 weeks old... etc... I think they feel that these things mean their child is metting milestones and 'advanced'. Confused Lovely, well meaning people, but just clueless.

Most people spend more time researching a new mobile phone than they do anything to do with their baby, which is especially upsetting when it involved the baby's safety. Sad

oldraver · 04/08/2012 22:21

Yep my 'SIL' has a picture on FB of her 8 month old (not chunky) in her 'big girls seat'. Not even a decent one but it has pretty patterns on it.
...
ERF wasnt available when I has DS... he has just growing out of his Group 1 and I dont like the thought of him having to use an adult belt..... he is 6 1/2

Jaffacakeeater · 04/08/2012 22:23

This is not a parenting style, it's a safety matter! She hasn't checked her weight. Wrong decision.

sweetkitty · 04/08/2012 22:24

I totally agree with Midori, some people just want their DC to be "advanced" I've known 5 month olds on FF seats as they were bored in RFs