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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

sure, I didn't hold up my end of the bargin, but resentful all day?

101 replies

tryingdad · 04/08/2012 20:18

On the weekends my wife and i take turns sleeping in (or doing whatever) until 9am while the other parent watches our 2 YO. Yesterday my wife mentioned she wanted to attend services today and so i would start watching our son at 9. I goofed- i stayed up too late watching sport and slept until 9:20. This meant she did not have time to get ready. I realized that i messed up but i feel like she could have and should have woken me up so that she could get ready. She feels like she should not have to do that and it was my responsibility, and that it shows i don't care about her wishes. She is angry and will likly be angry for the rest of the day. waking me would have made everything work out i think. I know i goofed, but am i being unreasonable to not feel like she should harbor resentment for the rest of the day?

OP posts:
justabigdisco · 04/08/2012 20:19

She is sulking, and should have woken you up if she was that bothered.

SparklingGoldMedals · 04/08/2012 20:20

Um question one-

Why can your DW not get ready to go out if you are in bed asleep?

MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 20:20

She sounds like a bit of a martyr.

rookiemater · 04/08/2012 20:20

She could have woken you up and gone to her thing, although saying that you could have gone to bed earlier as you knew it was your turn to get up or set your alarm clock to make sure you did. So both a bit unreasonable.

rosyposyandc · 04/08/2012 20:21

I really can't understand why she didn't wake you up if it was that important to her. Would you have lost your temper if she had woken you? Sounds like very passive agressive behaviour on her part

lisad123 · 04/08/2012 20:21

Yep she should have woken u, I would have done

DuelingFanjo · 04/08/2012 20:22

depends on if you make a habit of it I suppose

Borntobeamum · 04/08/2012 20:22

IMO both of you you sound petty.

SparklingGoldMedals · 04/08/2012 20:22

If it was me I would have got ready to go out (this is possible while looking after a 2 year old). Then woken you and handed you the two year old on the way out.

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 04/08/2012 20:22

YANBU

SHe should have woken you, and sulking is pointless anyway it just causes extended bad feeling

Passmethecrisps · 04/08/2012 20:22

I second waking you up. I am sure she feels put out but the whole situation could have been avoided by a sharp poke in the ribs.

Mind you, could you not have set an alarm?

I hate sulking. In the grand scheme of things it's not the end of the world. Just make sure you get up early tomorrow and she gets tea in bed

thisisyesterday · 04/08/2012 20:22

yes she could have woken you. or started getting ready... having a child doesn't mean you can't do anything else, she surely knows that by now??

does she do this often?

BigBandwitch · 04/08/2012 20:23

If she is resentful it's because she clearly asked you to do something, you agreed to it. It wasn't unreasonable, she does it for you every second weekend, and yet,,,, you still let her down. basically, you want gratitude for 'trying' but trying isn't good enough for her. She wants you to do what she asked you to do, NOT have you 'try' and then feel hard done by that she feels resentful that even when it's her turn you still sleep.

Original poster
tryingdad · 04/08/2012 20:23

she i think is a bit over-protective and may feel he needs constant supervision...or as it was clear to her that i was fast asleep at quarter til 9 she was preparing herself to be angry and annoyed ...not sure

OP posts:
HighJumpingHissy · 04/08/2012 20:23

She sounds as if she's being awfully passive aggressive.

She ought to have given you a nudge and reminded you that she needed to get ready.

Also, does your 2yo sleep until 9am too? Surely if she was up with the child, she could have managed to find some time to get ready, and then just nudge you at 9am as you'd agreed.

2yos are not the easiest to leave to their own devices while you get dressed, but i really think she's set you up a bit.

HeathRobinson · 04/08/2012 20:25

If she'll be resentful all day, do you have a history of doing this, or similar?

Anyway, she should have woken you up.
You should have set an alarm.

LingDiLong · 04/08/2012 20:25

She is being unreasonable and cutting her nose to spite her face. I always wake my DH up from his lie in if I need to for any reason, why should he bother setting an alarm when I can send the kids up to jump on his head?!

youarewinning · 04/08/2012 20:25

She should have woken you. Your body clock won't automatically wake you up at 9am because you've agreed you'd get up then.

And yes, she could have got ready whilst the toddler was pottering. Many people manage it daily.

peeriebear · 04/08/2012 20:25

If I need DH to get up on his days off I wake him, otherwise he will sleep like the dead long into mid- morning. Very PA of her to deliberately leave you to sleep past the allotted time then punish you for it!

vodkaanddietirnbru · 04/08/2012 20:25

I would have got ready and dumped the baby on you on the way out. No need to be all martyred about it

MightBeSlightlyMad · 04/08/2012 20:26

Yes she should of woken you, agree with justabigdisco, she's sulking imo

SparklingGoldMedals · 04/08/2012 20:26

Exactly what I would have done vodka.

IwishIwasinLondon · 04/08/2012 20:26

SIBU (she is being unreasonable) IMO. She could have nudged you at or just after 9am as you weren't up at your allocated time, but really is 20 minutes that significant to cause her to have to change all of her plans and be stroppy for a whole day?

I would ask her to get you a new alarm clock for your next birthday!!!!!

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 04/08/2012 20:28

This is ridiculous ! First up your a grown man you should be more than capable of not being an idiot and staying up late when you know full well you have responsibilities the next day. Ever heard of sky plus? Recordthe damn sport and the xbox etc will still be there in the morning.

As for her not waking you up she's your wife not your mother set an alarm!!! Although you should be waking up to your dc anyway! The way you write it's like your doin her a favor by watching your own child!

As for your wife well she coulda woken u up I guess and not been the martyr but that's not the point really is it? You let her down and gave her the impression that what she wants to do is not important to you!

:(

SirBoobAlot · 04/08/2012 20:29

You both screwed up. She should have woken you... But you should have also been awake for when you said you would.

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