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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

sure, I didn't hold up my end of the bargin, but resentful all day?

101 replies

tryingdad · 04/08/2012 20:18

On the weekends my wife and i take turns sleeping in (or doing whatever) until 9am while the other parent watches our 2 YO. Yesterday my wife mentioned she wanted to attend services today and so i would start watching our son at 9. I goofed- i stayed up too late watching sport and slept until 9:20. This meant she did not have time to get ready. I realized that i messed up but i feel like she could have and should have woken me up so that she could get ready. She feels like she should not have to do that and it was my responsibility, and that it shows i don't care about her wishes. She is angry and will likly be angry for the rest of the day. waking me would have made everything work out i think. I know i goofed, but am i being unreasonable to not feel like she should harbor resentment for the rest of the day?

OP posts:

ArtexMonkey · 04/08/2012 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 04/08/2012 20:29

If this is a one off, then she is BU. However I know for a fact that my DH also posted sometime ago about a vaguely similar subject, and he happily neglected to mention that it was the latest in a series of incidents, and was nowhere near as clear cut as he made out. If this is the latest in series of times you've let her down, or valued your down time over hers, then she is NBU at all.

It sounds like there's more to this, whether you know it or not. I think you both need to talk.

lottiegb · 04/08/2012 20:32

I don't understand this. You are telling us this happened this morning and you anticipate her being angry all day but you're writing after eight pm, so was she or wasn't she? Or are you writing from another continent?

elvisaintdead · 04/08/2012 20:34

yanbu, this is odd behaviour. I often get ready while DH has a lie in while looking after my 2 yr old AND our 4 other DC...but on the otherhand if this thing was so important then why not just wake you up and give herself the best chance of being able to go. IF you made a drama about being woken and/or refused fine she could be annoyed with you but as others have said sounds very passive agressive.

No, she's not your Mum but by not waking you she has just cut off her nose to spite her face which is just childish imo.

MadgeHarvey · 04/08/2012 20:34

Or another planet?

Sneezecakesmama · 04/08/2012 20:34

I think she sounds incredibly petty and overprotective of DS. Most women can get dressed and sorted with a toddler in the house.

I think you both could do with a reality check, you sound like the type of American parents who are hothousing their child with flash cards etc instead of letting them be babies.

SarahStratton · 04/08/2012 20:35

You both sound like a pair of squabbling toddlers. He said, she said, it's not faaaaaaaaaaiiiir.

YOU should have been responsible enough to go to bed at a reasonable time, set an alarm, and got up for your child.

SHE should be more than capable of getting ready with a 2 year old in tow. It's not fucking rocket science. And wtf didn't she just wake you if it were that big a deal.

You need your heads banging together. Neither of you sound old enough to have a child ffs.

Original poster

tryingdad · 04/08/2012 20:37

thanks all !

OP posts:

G1nger · 04/08/2012 20:37

You're not in the wrong.

lottiegb · 04/08/2012 20:39

Of course you could only know in advance that she's likely to sulk all day if this has happened before, probably more than once.

SparklingGoldMedals · 04/08/2012 20:41

Sulking is too much like hard work. Neither DH or I do it, it takes up too much time and is pointless.

WorraLiberty · 04/08/2012 20:44

Oh ffs the OP has done nothing wrong except forget to set an alarm

Let the martyr sulk, I'm sure she's perfect in every way and never makes mistakes.

As for not being able to get ready with a 2yr old in the house, that's a bit odd to say the least.

Moominsarescary · 04/08/2012 20:50

How does she manage to get out the house in the week? Are you always there to have the 2 year old so she can get ready?

Dp woke me up this morning as he needed to be somewhere early and he got up with ds. She should have just woken you up.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 04/08/2012 20:56

I think that she is probably fed up of having to organise the entire household. You are the other responsible adult. Why should she have woken you?

You both made the decision and you knew quite well what time you needed to get up at. I assume on the days she should get up she does and you get your time.

YABU. So shes huffing. If you want to act like a child why shouldnt she?

usualsuspect · 04/08/2012 20:58

I couldn't be bothered with all the drama and sulking.

WelshMaenad · 04/08/2012 21:08

Fuck me, how do single parents cope, having to get ready AND watch a child at the same time??

She is being a petulant child.

Mrsjay · 04/08/2012 21:11

she is able to get ready while a 2yr old potters about she could have woken you but decided to sulk instead, but you could have set an alarm,

WildWorld2004 · 04/08/2012 21:21

I also would have gotten ready and then plonked the child onto your face more likely and then went on my way out.

I dont get why she couldnt have gotten dressed. The child is 2 years old. Put it on the floor and give it some toys to play with.

Mrsjay · 04/08/2012 21:23

then plonked the child onto your face more likely and then went on my way out.

this made me laugh

HidingFromDD · 04/08/2012 21:23

I have teenagers. I now refuse to wake them up because remembering what you are supposed to be doing in the morning and setting alarm is a skill you need to learn.

If this was a one off then sibu and should have realised you'd forgot to set the alarm and woken you up. However, if this is yet another occasion when you expect her to get you up the YABVU, she's your partner, not your mother!!!

SparklingGoldMedals · 04/08/2012 21:25

I would tell DH not to set his alarm. I would be awake and would wake him. Open the curtains, crash around a bit, put the hairdryer on.

joanofarchitrave · 04/08/2012 21:26

A day?? i could sulk over that for five years or so.

[unhelpful]

IMO it depends whether this is a first offence or the sort of shit you always pull, so that she not only has to look after a toddler and get ready, but also keep an eye on the time wondering if you are going to come down, wondering if you are perhaps ill and can't be expected to get up, wondering whether to give you a couple more minutes or wake you up, wondering whether just to take the kid and go anyway.

Incidentally, was she going to a place of worship? Does she normally leave the child behind for that? I thought the point of religion was to provide an hour or so of free childcare a week?

HidingFromDD · 04/08/2012 21:26

And the other thing I teach my teenagers is that actions (or lack of them) have consequences. It sounds like you're just finding that out.

scottishmummy · 04/08/2012 21:32

not sure why your wife didn't waken you or leave you sleeping and still go out
I wouldn't miss appt on basis of a man child who stays up watching Telly
but no point in huffs either

hlipop · 04/08/2012 21:34

i would have sent child(ren) up to wake u up and left =]

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