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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

sure, I didn't hold up my end of the bargin, but resentful all day?

101 replies

tryingdad · 04/08/2012 20:18

On the weekends my wife and i take turns sleeping in (or doing whatever) until 9am while the other parent watches our 2 YO. Yesterday my wife mentioned she wanted to attend services today and so i would start watching our son at 9. I goofed- i stayed up too late watching sport and slept until 9:20. This meant she did not have time to get ready. I realized that i messed up but i feel like she could have and should have woken me up so that she could get ready. She feels like she should not have to do that and it was my responsibility, and that it shows i don't care about her wishes. She is angry and will likly be angry for the rest of the day. waking me would have made everything work out i think. I know i goofed, but am i being unreasonable to not feel like she should harbor resentment for the rest of the day?

OP posts:
Sparklyboots · 04/08/2012 21:36

Agree with it depends whether this is a first offence or the sort of shit you always pull. I would refuse to wake DP except in an emergency because I refuse to work in the nagger/nagged model. I'm not his effing mother. But we have history, it's not that I'm a martyr or petulant child; I just want him to be an adult and us to co-parent the child. Do you ever have to worry about there being no supervision available for the child when you make plans, OP? Or worry about whether your arrangements will be honoured?

bobbledunk · 04/08/2012 21:36

If she really wanted to do it she would have woken you and I don't understand how she couldn't have gotten ready with a toddler, she should be used to that by now. sibu.

ThePigOnTheWall · 04/08/2012 21:38

Am I the only one who wants to know what "services" you mean? Religious ones?

No advice. Just nosy Blush

omfgkillmenow · 04/08/2012 21:41

i was thinking about that too thepig, if she is religious then shouldnt she be more forgiving?

Sabriel · 04/08/2012 21:45

Well if you are anything like my DH, I go and wake him and he spends the next 30 mins saying "I'm just getting up" then going back to sleep. I don't think you've told us the full story.

joanofarchitrave · 04/08/2012 21:58

OMFGKMN, if she'd been able to go to the services perhaps she WOULD have been able to be more forgiving.

SarahStratton · 04/08/2012 22:37

She shouldn't need a service to make her forgive

WilsonFrickett · 04/08/2012 22:48

I have actually heard it said that people who have no partners actually manage to get themselves dressed and out to work while looking after sometimes more than one child. I have a friend who has managed to get her clothes on while minding 2 yo twins an all. I know. I know.

She is being u and very passive aggressive. She should have dropped the child on top of you, made sure you were awake and gone out as she planned. FFS.

LeandarBear · 04/08/2012 23:03

Wow, she is BU And childish.

StuntGirl · 04/08/2012 23:10

You're both being ridiculous.

Cabrinha · 04/08/2012 23:59

More to this, I suspect. It sounds like someone posting to show their partner that they are NBU, to me - just my feeling.
In which case, if you're the kind of person who'd do that, I suspect 20 mins oversleeping is the tip of the iceberg!

Inertia · 05/08/2012 00:22

Why is it your wife's responsibility to get you up to do the childcare that you had both agreed? Can you not operate an alarm clock yourself?

If you work, would your boss accept you being late if you said your wife hadn't woken you, so they had no right to be angry at your goof ?

Merlotmonster · 05/08/2012 00:44

She sounds annoying.... sorry

McHappyPants2012 · 05/08/2012 08:34

why cant she get ready with a 2 year old.

op could of set an alarm but having heard the damn thing for 5 day i pesonally wouldn't want to hear it on my days off

Rollersara · 05/08/2012 08:44

I don't care how late DP stays up, if we've agreed he'll look after the DC that's what he will do! I do have the same issues as sparklyboots of coming across as a nag, but if we've agreed something we both stick to it. If I'm feeling generous I might wake him with a cup of tea if I'm having one anyway, otherwise DD is handed over whether he is awake or not, she is quite capable of waking him and keeping him awake for bloody hours when she refuses to nap!

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 05/08/2012 09:30

Is anyone else thinking you really shouldnt have to bloody "book" your own husband and child's FATHER to look after his own kid?

ENormaSnob · 05/08/2012 09:34

She is being pathetic IMO.

I wouldn't set my alarm to get up knowing dh was going out, he would wake me. As I would with him.

Unless you live in separate wings of the house I would presume that was what most couples do if they need the other to get up?

qazxc · 05/08/2012 09:54

You know you did wrong. Apologize and do something nice for her (bit of housework, cook lunch, ...). Otherwise you will have the hump because she is "resentful" and she will have the hump because you were meant to stick to agreement and are now narked off she's not happy. which means you will both be unhappy for longer.

ThePigOnTheWall · 05/08/2012 09:59

And btw yabvu in using the word "goofed"

MsVestibule · 05/08/2012 10:22

I'm baffled by this. Unless there is a back story, I really can't see the problem with her waking him up! I wake my DH up at 8am when he's going in to work late, and on a Saturday when it's his turn for a lie-in. He wakes me up on a Sunday when I've had my lie-in.

I don't feel as though I'm behaving like his mother by waking him up. It's not like I've got to shout up the stairs five times...

YouOldSlag · 05/08/2012 10:31

Incidentally, was she going to a place of worship? Does she normally leave the child behind for that? I thought the point of religion was to provide an hour or so of free childcare a week?

er... no, it's not a free creche. IME you take your 2yo for part of the service. They often don't want to be there so you miss it all trying to stop them running off or being noisy, then they sometimes have a Sunday school bit, but I usually accompanied my DS to that and missed the service until the end. I don't take my DS2 at all now, but will if he asks to come when he is older.

OP- YABU. You knew she had plans, a tiny bit more effort wouldn't have killed you. When you're a busy mother (and all mothers are busy!) sometimes church can be only the only time you can think and be yourself. She probably really needed that and was upset she has to wait another week.

GhostShip · 05/08/2012 10:32

Tell her to stop being such a mard arse. She should have bloody woken you up or god forbid - got ready.

Sorry that sounds harsh but I've had a big rethink of life and priorities lately. I saw a man get run over and die on Friday and it's hit home how trivial some things really are.

BelieveInPink · 05/08/2012 10:32

Huuuuuuuuh, how on EARTH do I manage to get two kids and myself ready by myself every morning and out of the house by 8am?

She set you up. And cut her nose off to spite her face in the process.

Although you should have done what you'd said you'd do. Nothing more annoying than not keeping to your word.

HecateHarshPants · 05/08/2012 10:36

I can't believe someone would sit there, sulking, instead of going and waking the other person up.

I mean, that is really daft.

If I needed to go somewhere, and my husband was asleep, I'd just go into the bedroom and wake him up [boggle] not be a drama queen about it and go down the route of well, he knew I wanted to go out, so he should have set an alarm and because he didn't, I am going to sit here and not wake him up and miss my event, that'll show him Hmm

Yeah, he should have set the alarm. Yeah, he should have thought well, I have to get up a bit earlier, but what on earth was the point of not waking him up? Who loses out here?

Whatmeworry · 05/08/2012 10:38

She gets to be a righteous martyr this way, all day. Whats not to like :o

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