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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not send thank you cards?

123 replies

Cydonia · 03/08/2012 21:38

When DS was born at the end of May I was genuinely amazed and touched by the amount of cards and gifts we received. Having never really been a 'baby' person I was surprised by how much people got excited about other people having a baby! At the time I vowed to make/order some nice thank you cards with a picture of DS on and send them out so everyone knew how much we appreciated their kindness.

However, over 2 months later and I haven't done it. It's just such a faff, I'm not great with technology so can't do it at home. I got as far as looking on the Internet for sites that do it for you but that looks like a faff too. And then I'd have to find people's addresses and post them all. I know I probably sound really lazy and whingy, but most of my time is taken up by looking after DS, the rest by keeping the house clean and tidy and looking after DDog and DHorse. Occasionally I sleep. DP says we've left it so long now there's no point in sending any.

So....WIBU not to bother? If you had sent me a gift would you be offended? ( FWIW I personally wouldn't if I had sent someone a gift and not received a thank you ) Should I just do it so people don't think I'm an ungrateful bitch?

OP posts:
SmethwickBelle · 04/08/2012 14:36

Better late than never - I think you should post something as a thank you or at least email saying thanks (then you could ask for addresses - kill two birds with one stone).

You can worry about gussying up a pretty picture card from a photo for christmas.

It is worth having addresses all in one place as you may find you get gifts for the baby at christmas or next birthday and be in the same position again then.

FaintingGoat · 04/08/2012 14:41

I do think it is polite to acknowledge a gift in some way, either by phone, letter / card, or email. I sent thank you cards to people who gave gifts to DD on her recent birthday, and lots of people later told me how nice it is to get a "thank you" as so many people just don't bother these days.

Original poster
Cydonia · 04/08/2012 23:50

I'd just like to point out, especially to all the smug super organised people who have slated me, that I do not have contact details for the majority of people who have sent cards or gifts. They are family that I never see and friends of DP's parents that I have never met. So it's not just a case of a quick text or e mail, I don't have their contact details. Before you all explode with self righteousness I bought some cards today. Over the next few days I will track down addresses for people, drag DS to the shops and print off some pictures and send the cards. It will take hours, not minutes, but I will do it. And to all of you that said I could have done it in the time it took to post on here, not true. I only go on here on my phone when I'm sat feeding DS or sitting with him propped upright after his feeds, or waiting for him to go to sleep. I don't actually have much spare time, he doesn't nap for very long, when he does I use that time to eat, wash and clean the house. I guess I'm just not perfect like you lot.

OP posts:
Tommy · 04/08/2012 23:53

I am entirely rubbish at thank you cards - still haven't done any for DS1's birth and he is 11 in January. AFAIK, the only person to comment on this is my SIL and she is a bit anal about thank you cards so it doesn't really bother me Grin

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/08/2012 00:17

If you have photos on your PC you can order the photo cards online..much easier :)

But, why go huffy when told YABU, saying you are not BU? why ask in AIBzuf you should send cards then be offended when told you should?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/08/2012 00:17

Err AIBU if

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 05/08/2012 00:37

I don't think YAB that U.

Yes it's polite to send a thank you for a baby gift, but I wouldn't have a problem at all if I didn't get a baby gift thank you.

No wedding gift thank you is a big problem. A baby one, not so much.

Everyone that has has a baby knows that some new Mums find the early days so full on that thank you cards are the last thing on your mind, and I'd hate to think that my gift had caused a post natal woman to feel under pressure for something that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. That would be the exact opposit of my intention when I gave the gift.

And let's face it, it's only baby gifts that you ever get from anyone and everyone like your Mum's colleagues and your Gran's friends that you have never met. That's because people like shopping for baby stuff and because they want to welcome a baby, who incidentally, can't write cards.

GranToAirMissiles · 05/08/2012 00:55

My first thought was to agree with the earlier comment that 'Those who matter won't mind, and those who mind don't matter'. It is not unimportant that you are tired and busy.

On the other hand, you might want to start friendly relations with people who have been so well disposed towards you (surely can't be a bad thing), in which case send them thankyous when you have the energy.

I think making cards and thankyous into a matter of etiquette is trivialising what really lies behind it - relationships for mutual support. We don't need that so much in western societies, but it can be no bad thing to recognise it.

Kayano · 05/08/2012 00:57

Jesus yabu

foxymoon487 · 05/08/2012 01:18

YABU

iscream · 05/08/2012 01:43

Don't worry, lot's of new brides/parents don't get thank-you cards sent off for longer than 2 months. You don't have to include a photo, but at ASDA you can make an account on line, go to photo section, add a photo from your hard drive, order copies for really cheap, and have them mailed to you.
6x4 Prints - when ordered in quantities of 1 - 99 per order for Home delivery £0.15
6x4 Prints - when ordered in quantities of 100 - 199 per order for Home delivery £0.10
6x4 Prints - when ordered in quantities of 200 or more per order for Home delivery £0.05

bragmatic · 05/08/2012 01:44

I'd ask the father of your baby to help. It's a shit job. Why should you be the only one lumbered with it?

bragmatic · 05/08/2012 01:45

LAlady, I bet no bloke went through the rest of his life gift-less because he didn't send a thank you card. Why is that, d'you think?

Kayano · 05/08/2012 01:54

Why ask on AIBU if you get arsey at the replies?

It's not hard to get family addresses really now is it 'hello granny? Have you got xxx address?'

Don't have contact details Hmm

CleopatrasAsp · 05/08/2012 02:10

YABVU. It is very rude and entitled to take gifts from people and not say thank you. And the above poster is right, why get arsey when people tell you what you don't want to hear? You posted on AIBU!

NurseBernard · 05/08/2012 04:19

You're acting like the job is way more arduous for you than it is for everyone else.

It's not. Everyone else has to gather up all the addresses, write the cards, get to the post and send them off as well.

It's not about being 'perfect'. If someone holds a door open for you, do you thank them? Assuming you do, then the same principle applies here. Wink

chipsandmayonnaise · 05/08/2012 07:39

And you are still talking about going to the trouble of putting photos in the card- that really is not at all neccessary! I am actually super disorganised and I managed it. I found the task overwhelming so I did one card a day. I was done pretty quickly. but I agree 100% that the father should be doing some of the hard graft too. People do criticise the mother/bride on the father/groom on the card front.

I am going to assume your late night arsiness at our replies is because you are super super tired. We have all been there, too. :)

EasilyBored · 05/08/2012 07:47

Just order them online (we used Boots), put picture of baby on the front and generic 'thank you for my lovely gifts' text inside, all you have to do it write on names and addresses and it's done. Really isn't that much effort, takes about as much time as washing up. I'm not a big 'thank you card' person, but with a new baby I think it's a bit rude not to, and you also get to show off your gorgeous new baby!

IamMummyhearmeROAR · 05/08/2012 07:57

I think you are turning this into a much bigger deal than it need to be. Get some photos printed with the blurb already on, take advantage of the fab Olympic stamps and post them.

echt · 05/08/2012 08:08

OP, if someone opened a door for you, gave you present to your face, you'd say thank you, wouldn't you? So thank them. You don't know who they are? Find out. They thought the occasion was important enough to mark it with a gift, so the least you can do is acknowledge it.

You've made a heap of excuses, posted on AIBU, and then pissed and moaned at the responses. It's not about you being disorganised, but whether you can be arsed.

YABU. All over the place.

Rhubarb78 · 05/08/2012 08:11

YANBU, i hate thank you cards, they are annoying and a waste of paper. better to say thank you in person or on the phone, if you cant contact people like that then send a card. IMO you receive a present say 'thank you' and that is the end of it, don't need to put a thank you in writing just to confirm you really are grateful. I wouldnt be offended at all if i didnt get a thank you card.

Nanny0gg · 05/08/2012 19:06

Cydonia would you like some vinegar for that chip you're carrying?

I know babies are time-consuming and tiring, but you do get a few moments to yourself in a day. You asked a question - you got answers. Unfortunately you didn't like the answers, but this is AIBU, not Please Will You All Agree With Me, so do it, don't do it, but don't be so arsey about it.

Springforward · 05/08/2012 19:09

I tend not to send any thank you cards for any reason, but I do always contact the person to say thank you, whether in person, by phone or (if OK in that particular relationship, IYSWIM) by email or text.

I never expect a thank you card either, TBH.

nancerama · 05/08/2012 19:16

You can get this all done over the space of a couple of days.

Head to Photobox, Snapfish or Hallmark to design and order your cards.

While you're waiting for them to be printed and mailed to you get a pack of printer labels and type up the address labels.

As soon as the cards arrive, stick address labels on envelopes and post. Job done.

Taking a little time now to create address labels will save you so much time soon - you can use them for Christmas cards and Christmas and birthday thank you cards. Once you've done them once, it's only a 5 minute job to edit them for other occasions.

LAlady · 05/08/2012 19:21

Bragmatic - strangely enough my DH did send out thank you cards for his 40th birthday presents after his party. As do the majority of men I know who receive presents - certainly they either phone or text to say thank you.

Good point though, nothing stopping DH's sorting out the thank you's.