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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not send thank you cards?

123 replies

Cydonia · 03/08/2012 21:38

When DS was born at the end of May I was genuinely amazed and touched by the amount of cards and gifts we received. Having never really been a 'baby' person I was surprised by how much people got excited about other people having a baby! At the time I vowed to make/order some nice thank you cards with a picture of DS on and send them out so everyone knew how much we appreciated their kindness.

However, over 2 months later and I haven't done it. It's just such a faff, I'm not great with technology so can't do it at home. I got as far as looking on the Internet for sites that do it for you but that looks like a faff too. And then I'd have to find people's addresses and post them all. I know I probably sound really lazy and whingy, but most of my time is taken up by looking after DS, the rest by keeping the house clean and tidy and looking after DDog and DHorse. Occasionally I sleep. DP says we've left it so long now there's no point in sending any.

So....WIBU not to bother? If you had sent me a gift would you be offended? ( FWIW I personally wouldn't if I had sent someone a gift and not received a thank you ) Should I just do it so people don't think I'm an ungrateful bitch?

OP posts:
mistressploppy · 03/08/2012 22:00

YABU, but I was the same Blush - I did get there in the end though, but just with basic notelets, none of your fancy photo thingies.

Now, when I send a new baby present, I write in the card 'p.s. Do NOT send me a thank you card!'

Original poster
Cydonia · 03/08/2012 22:00

Right, DS is asleep so I will have a look. In my defence I did buy presents and cards for my work colleagues who looked after my horse and poulticed his hoof daily when he decided to get an abscess the day before I went into labour. See I'm not a total cow.

OP posts:
sabbby82 · 03/08/2012 22:02

Yanbu! I didn't and I dont feel bad in the slightest. Ive just had a baby, I don't think my friends expect me to spend time sorting out thankyou cards!

olimpia · 03/08/2012 22:03

OP I know what you mean about stressing about baby outgrowing all the new clothes and not using them at all! Do you find an abundance of size 3-6 m? Grin

MrsSchadenfreude · 03/08/2012 22:03

YABU.

No thank you letter in my family = no further gifts. As my cousin found out when she had her second baby. My Aunt, who had sent her something very generous for her first, told her "I never even knew if the gift had arrived."

Takes a few minutes and job gone.

Badvoc · 03/08/2012 22:06

Yanbu.
You have a newborn and better things to do with your time..
I really don't have much time for people who get offended by such trivialities.
I was brought up to believe that you dont give gifts to get thanks. You give them becaus you want to and it gives you pleasure.
I would seem to be in a minority though :)

Nanny0gg · 03/08/2012 22:08

sabbby82 Yanbu! I didn't and I dont feel bad in the slightest. Ive just had a baby, I don't think my friends expect me to spend time sorting out thankyou cards!

Strangely enough, even new babies do give you a little time to yourself, so it isn't impossible to write a few cards.

No Thank You, nothing further from me.

JustFabulous · 03/08/2012 22:09

It doesn't really matter when a thank you arrives, as long as it does.

You can buy thank you sheets for about £3 for 20 from Clintons and the like, just write one of those.

Nanny0gg · 03/08/2012 22:09

Badvoc.
And others were brought up to say thank you when given something.
It is a little different if you said thank you as you were given the gift, but if not, a thank you is not 'trivial it is good manners.

Hippee · 03/08/2012 22:10

Yes, people shouldn't NEED thanks for gifts, but if they've bothered to send you a present it presumably means that they are interested enough to want to see a photo.

Badvoc · 03/08/2012 22:15

If given in person, yes, of course.
But if sent via post etc then slightly more hard.
I was back in hospital with a very sick baby by day 4 postpartum so no one got thank you cards from me.
If anyone was cross then that really is just tough.
I had bigger issues to contend with.
It's so hard being a new mum, whya dd more pressure?
Can I suggest that the male partner sends out the thank yous if they are deemed so absolutely necessary?

StressedToday · 03/08/2012 22:16

I'm quite shocked at how many people think it is unreasonable not to send thank you cards. Despite good intentions, I'm totally shit at this. I bet I've pisses a lot of people off, if this thread is anything to go by!

Badvoc · 03/08/2012 22:18

I have always sent them in the past, actually - up til,this year as I have had health problems.
Not any more though. Life's too short, frankly.
I send texts or say think you the next time I see the person/people.

NeverKnowinglyAbleToFlickFlack · 03/08/2012 22:25

thank yous are free and totally important.

Cards are optional, get the phone numbers, have them by the phone, next time babe is on boob pick up the phone and call.

"sorry it has taken me so long Thank you so much, I really appreciate it... babe is scrumptious blah blah."

not a biggie unless you make it one. You really should say thank you.

B&SiL haven't yet said thanks for the things they recieved, doesn't bother me so much, I have seen them (although they didn't say thanks when I met them) and the baby, but loads of family friends sent things and they are constantly asking mum if the parcels have arrived.. it is not nice to put her in that position when a phone call could get it done.

IwishIwasinLondon · 03/08/2012 22:25

It doesn't matter how long ago the gifts were given. Ywbu not to send thank you notes of some description. Not just U but very rude too.

Just to warn you, your ds will receive Christmas and Birthday gifts at regular intervals throughout his childhood. These should also be acknowledged with a thank you letter.

It's called "polite".

Noqontrol · 03/08/2012 22:28

Me too stressed. Luckily everyone still seems to be talking to me 5 years down the road. They even sent a present for dc2.

Original poster
Cydonia · 03/08/2012 22:33

Olimpia - yes, lots of 3-6 months summer stuff which he probably won't wear as its too big for him still and it doesn't look like we're getting a summer! He's outgrown the tiny stuff and there's nothing in between. I'm determined he's going to wear everything at least once though!
Badvoc- if it was left to DP it really wouldn't get done. Wouldn't even cross his mind. < glares round house at countless odd jobs that need doing as DP snores on sofa >

OP posts:
Suckeddry · 03/08/2012 22:33

YABU. It's just basic manners to say thank you for a gift people taken time to buy, wrap & send. So rude not to.

You say you were touched by the thoughtfulness. I'm sure people's kindness made your new baby experience a special one, so do the decent thing & say thank you.

They will understand they delay, newborns are time consuming.

bonzo77 · 03/08/2012 22:47

Yab totally u. Each card is 5 minutes work and you'll pass a post box every time you leave the house. I used plain nice post cards so no envelopes to mess about with. A text or email is ok for some people (you'll know who). Oh, and get your dp to do some. It's his baby too.

Scuttlebutter · 03/08/2012 22:51

People who have sent parcels via the post will be genuinely concerned that they have safely arrived. A failure to even acknowledge receipt these days is pretty grim. I love getting thank you cards, but I'd be equally delighted with an email, a FB message or a text - anything that lets me know that a posted gift has safely arrived and the recipient has taken a moment to let me know and send me a little update on the baby.

Honestly, if you can't be arsed to do a card, how hard is it to do a quick email and attach a couple of digital photos? You could do that in the time it's taken you to post this on MN. You can use the same basic text and just cut and paste for each person, with a few little tweaks to personalise it.

And like others have said, a failure to acknowledge gift in any way means that I won't be sending any more. Technology today means there has NEVER been a time when it has been easier, cheaper or quicker to send a message to anyone in the world.

drtachyon · 03/08/2012 23:27

YABU to not thank people.

If you don't have time to select a nice photo and get personalised cards made up (we used Vistaprint for ours BTW), you could buy a packet of thank you cards from just about anywhere that sells cards. Such as the supermarket, when you or your DP go grocery shopping. Thank you cards don't have to have a photo of your DS on.

And if that's still too much bother for all the gifts, you could send some people thank you e-mails with baby photos attached. Or even a text. Or phone people up and thank them for the gift in the conversation.

Most people will understand that new babies can be time consuming and forgive the delay in you thanking them for the baby present.

And once it's done, you can relax and stop worrying about people thinking you're ungrateful Smile

Peevish · 03/08/2012 23:31

Like you, OP, I've never been remotely interested in babies, and only gave very close friends baby presents, so when we had our baby in March, I was absolutely taken aback at the excitement and all the gifts! We did order some birth announcement cards from an internet site and send them out, even though I wasn't enthusiastic - we felt it was actually easier, as having the baby's photo, name and birth date on a card at least means you only have to scrawl 'Thanks for the present! Love X, Y and Z', rather than writing a proper note.

I don't agree with your OP - two months in isn't too late at all, as everyone knows how busy you are, and I think it would be rude not to send a card or note of some kind, even if you don't do birth announcement cards.

SilkySmith · 03/08/2012 23:33

YABreallyU

send them out, it's not too late, get some regular thank you cards and pop a photo of the baby inside - y'don't have to do fancy computer graphics!

FormerlyTitledUntidy · 03/08/2012 23:41

yanbu.
for both my dds I wrote out thank you cards. Did I send them? No. I had sleeping to be doing :o
Those who matter won't mind, and those who mind don't matter etc :)
congratulations

PicaK · 04/08/2012 08:30

It's an age thing I think.

Send a card to anyone over 32
Text anyone over 25
Don't bother about the rest.

I made myself ill writing cards when I should have been sleeping in the first few weeks. So I would say now is a good time.

But i'm in the camp that thinks a thank you at the time is nice but not a proper thank you. It has to be written and it has to be personalized.