to have told off visiting child for rudeness?

[olympicmad]

I was watching a friend's kid and together with my two they were all playing happily making cards. On asking what colour card they needed said child retorted "at my house we have more colours of card and it's not a mess like this one"! I was gobsmacked and told her she was being naughty. She's only 4 years old for goodness sake! And for the record my house was tidy with just toys out for them to play with!

Agree Steaming Nit. If it was me it would have been a mild reprimand and something like " don't tell people they have messy houses, it's cheeky!", and then moved on and changed the subject.

I look after a 6 year old who is the master of 'honesty'. It does begin to grate after being told for the umpteenth time that 'I have loads more toys than this. Why don't you have as many toys as me? Is it because you don't have enough space in your house? I suppose my house is MUCH bigger than yours.' he's just extremely competetive!

In your situation I would have said 'isn't it lovely that we all have different things in our houses and everyone keeps their things in different places blah blah blah'

In my situation I spend large parts of the day explaining why the extremely rude comment was extremely rude. It might sink in one day!

Unlurked, he can be competitive in his head but shouldn't say it out loud. It is the parents fault though, so there's only so much you can do. Don't envy you.

Well maybe your house is a mess compared to hers? Maybe you know that and that's why you're over sensitive about it? She certainly wasn't being 'bitchy' at 4 years old, was she?!

My friend's daughter said once, whilst in my car, 'do you eat a lot of Mcdonalds?' I asked why she'd asked that and she said 'there are a lot of mcdonalds wrappers in your car'. I can't deny she was right. When I told my friend what she'd said (laughing) she was mortified and said that she'd recently, whilst playing at a friend's house, asked her Mum if she ever made her bed, as it was messy. She was 8, so should probably have known better, but her Mum is obsessively tidy, so everything probably looks a mess to her. I thought it was funny, her Mum obviously told her it was rude, but maybe she couldn't stop herself from blurting these things out?!

A while ago I was giving one of DS's schoolmates a lift and he asked me repeatedly "Are you going to buy a new car soon?"
He was 9

At 4 I would've just changed the subject, 4 year olds have no filter between brain and gob. Why would you care if a 4 year old thought your house was a mess? Perhaps it is a mess compared to hers?

LookBehindYou, he's well aware he's being rude really. He's recently tried to get more passive aggressive about it which is actually quite funny because I can see him working out how to phrase his comment so that he can't be pulled up on it . He is a lovely little boy when he's not being horribly rude!

Some 4 YO could say that matter of fact, innocently, just saying what they see. Some could say like Kim from How Clean is Your House.

I'd have laughed to be honest - because looking around my kitchen now she'd have been right and I find DCs saying inappropriate things quite funny.

Out of the mouths of babes and all that, get tidying up OP you slut

TBH I'd have brushed it off as one of those things children come out with. My daughter comes to the stables with me and takes great delight in pointing out which horses stables are dirty. She's not being rude she's just saying what she sees. Most people find it funny. She also goes to check on people mucking out to make sure they've done it properly.

It's just 4 yo being honest isn't it? like the time my 4yo nephew told me "You've got a lovely fuzzy mustache .

YABVU.

I wouldn't have told her she was naughty.
She was openly expressing her thoughts and opinion, which is a skill she will need to keep as she gets older.
Yes, it was rude, and if it were my child that had said that, I would have said something like "if you think it is a mess, maybe you could tidy it up for me"
If it was someone else's child (as in your situ) I'd have probably just ignored it.

A friend of mine sometimes collects my ds's from school and one day when I went to pick them up, ds1 said (infront of both me and my friend) "it's really messy here mummy, it's not like at home"
Me "well, yes, you've all pulled all the toys out and made a bit of a mess"
Ds1 "no mum, not the toys, theres all food all over the floor" (my friend is known to not really clean up after lunch etc)
Me (trying to be diplomatic without oppressing ds's views) "yes, there is a bit of dog food on the kitchen floor isn't there, but that's because the dog dropped her food, that's ok. Cat does it at home near his bowl too. Now hurry up with those shoes please"
Ds1 "there are biscuits all trodden in on the floor mummy, I don't think X(my friend) has been doing any housework"
Me "Well maybe she's had a busy day. Let's go"

I was mortified, but my ds1 wasn't being naughty, he was expressing what he saw which is fine. It may not be acceptable socially but I certainly wasn't going to tell him off.
On the way home I told him that what he said could have hurt X's feelings, and that our house is tidy because we are all at school all day so no one plays there.

Rude kids, rude parents. Your son shouldn't have gone on Silver. You're doing him any favours.

Eh? ^ "Rude kids, rude parents" ? Really? .

I'm not a rude person, LookBehindYou
But there is no way I'm going to tell my son off when he isn't doing anything 'wrong'.
Like I said, IMO being able to express their views is a skill that they will need as they grow, and I am certainly not going to discourage that at 4yo.
And how would you suggest that I'd have stopped his line of thought/talking? I am far more concerned about the emotional well-being of my child who knows not what he does, than a grown woman who should be able to take it.
If he cannot experiment or express what's on his mind to me, then who ca he do it to?
i see nothing wrong with what he did or how I handled it, I was pretty mortified, my friend laughed it off, she continues to collect him from school and he continues to play there and enjoy it.

silver you did the right thing imo, and explaining afterwards too that it can hurt people's feelings.

Thanks Valium

My neice is rude like that, "why do you live in such a little house, theres no upstairs" Yes its all i can afford cos i'm not scamming the social like your mum is Water off a ducks back to me now, but wrong n

None the less!! Blinking Iphone :-(

I'm genuinely shocked at just how many posters think that's it's ok for the four year old to do/say because they're 'only four' and 'just expressing themselves'

I can assure you that when these four year olds arrive at school, rudeness is not tolerated! It's part of a parent's job to teach what is appropriate to say and when!

Yet another example of manners going down the drain in society - I agree with whoever wrote 'rude kids, rude parent's!

SORT YOUR KIDS OUT POSTERS!!!!!!! Just because they're four, doesn't mean that they don't have a brain. Most of them know exactly what they are saying/doing and need telling why it's rude to comment!

If it was my four year old, he would probably say that his own house had less colours of card, and was messier

I agree. DD has just turned 5 and one of her friends used to insist on asking me "why are you so fat?" After about 5 or 6 replies of "well, people all look different blah di blah" I finally snapped and said rather crossly "That's rude and will hurt people's feelings. I don't want to hear you ask me that again please". She hasn't mentioned it since!

not naughty IMO

You should have used the MN line - "that sounded really rude. Did you mean it to be?"

The only child I have ever had to tell off at our house was a very precocious 5yo girl. Thankfully the family moved far away.

Silver, expressing their views is a lifeskill, yes. However, expressing any old view without thinking it through is not a particularly valuable talent. Your child was rude. If he didn't know that it's because of you.