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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have told off visiting child for rudeness?

116 replies

olympicmad · 03/08/2012 10:57

I was watching a friend's kid and together with my two they were all playing happily making cards. On asking what colour card they needed said child retorted "at my house we have more colours of card and it's not a mess like this one"! I was gobsmacked and told her she was being naughty. She's only 4 years old for goodness sake! And for the record my house was tidy with just toys out for them to play with!

OP posts:

FreudianSlipper · 03/08/2012 11:39

bitchy ffs she is 4 years old

ds is always the fastest runner and the best at drawing too and so are all his friends

rainydaysarebad · 03/08/2012 11:47

Bitchy comment from a 4 year old?!! Seriously?! Dd comes out with some corkers, id hate to think another mother would call her bitchy for having a brain and using it.

BlueMoonFergie · 03/08/2012 11:50

Oh I would have roared laughing at this. I love those innocent honest comments from kids. They speak as they find, they are not aware of social nicities. If your house isnt a mess then great. Either way why do you give a shit what a 4 year old thinks?
I picked DS 3 up from a party a couple of weeks ago. He was pointing out ll the things he had to eat. Then he turned and pointed and a big bowl that had a few crisps left. Obviously put out for all to share. He said 'I tried one of those, I took it and licked it but didn't like it, so I put it back'. I was and at same time, and hustled him hastily away.
YABU to call her naughty the poor thing didn't mean any harm.

Jazzies · 03/08/2012 12:24

I can't see how this 4 year old was 'naughty'...she merely stated the facts as she saw them. Don't take the comments of a 4yr old so personally. I too would have laughed. Although I did wince a little when a 4 yr old asked if I had a baby in my tummy!

WorraLiberty · 03/08/2012 12:29

On asking what colour card they needed said child retorted "at my house we have more colours of card and it's not a mess like this one"!

Reading it again in context, it's quite possible she meant her house is more 'organised'?

This might have been something as simple as the fact they have an art cupboard.

Either way, I would have said "That's a bit rude" and left it at that.

pictish · 03/08/2012 12:31

Stop with the blank posts. Bloody stupid.

OP - she wasn't naughty - she was tactless, and 4 yr olds are nothing if blunt. They sometimes just observe and state.

If you feel she was being in any way sneery, then it's ok to say 'that was rude xxxx - please don't say rude things about my house' - but if she just said it as fact, I'd have just hidden a smile I think. Kids do come out with some clangers.

WorraLiberty · 03/08/2012 12:32

Meant so say, I've also reported the blank post.

Why do people do it?

BuntCadger · 03/08/2012 12:34

Cos I was being silly. Been told off now.

iMoniker · 03/08/2012 12:37

Reminds me of the time we visited my father (an extremely heavy smoker) office. DS poked his head in the door and said "grandad! It stinks here just like your house! Truthful, without a trace of malice, I would not dreamed of telling him off.

FreudianSlipper · 03/08/2012 12:40

really people bother to report a blank space :o

firawla · 03/08/2012 12:44

She's only 4, 4 year olds tend to be tactless I doubt she meant it as a "bitchy comment" ffs!
I think you probably took it way too personally. Not worth being offended about.

two2blackcats · 03/08/2012 12:48

A lot of people say the child was "being honest" but there is a time and a place for being honest as we all know too well.

My DD is 4 this month and if she says something "honest" that is not appropriate she is told that it is not appropriate. I'm afraid I DO think it was perfectly reasonable to inform the child that what she said would not generally be considered pleasant or kind.

Perhaps she wasn't being rude intentionally, but it was still rude and if we as adults don't draw the line between what is rude and what is not how do we expect children to automatically know?

BuntCadger · 03/08/2012 13:19

I know freud I was told off for saying nothing.

Callisto · 03/08/2012 13:25

I would have laughed as well, I don't think she was being naughty (and I would be v pissed off if I thought my DD had been told she was naughty for being honest) and not particularly rude either. But then my house is a mess, and even if it wasn't this sort of comment would trouble me not at all. As for a 4yo being 'bitchy'? Get a grip fgs.

BlueMoonFergie · 03/08/2012 13:26

Yes but there is a difference between telling a child that a remark could hurt someone's feeling and that it's inappropriate and telling them they are naughty for just telling the truth.

tryingtonotfeckup · 03/08/2012 13:28

Did you have my DS in a dress? He has gone into SIL bedroom, with me and SIL and said, its really messy in here. I was very embaressed, SIL shrugged her shoulders and said yes it is.

It depends on context, but she is 4, don't read too much into it.

Chill, don't get annoyed about things on this level, it isn't worth the effort.

Viviennemary · 03/08/2012 13:29

I agree children should be guided on what is acceptable to say and what isn't. I think children feel more sorry for other children who are sent out all the time so the house doesn't get messed up. And aren't allowed to do this that or the other in case it makes a mess.

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/08/2012 13:30

I wouldn't call it bitchy, but it does smack of being 'a proper little madam!' (if anyone else here is old enough to remember that advert ). And she sounds rude, rather than naughty.

TBH I would have had no problem pointing out that that was not a nice thing to say.

libelulle · 03/08/2012 13:32

hahaaaaa I can make 100s of people have to scroll down their screen for 20 seconds before they can read the rest of the thread, aren't I funny? I could bring mumsnet to a standstill with that little trick. And why are you telling me off? I didn't even say anything

Appropriate humour I guess on a thread about 4 year olds.

YouOldSlag · 03/08/2012 13:37

YABU. Sounds typical to me. My DS and all his friends can always run faster, have better ice cream at their house, can jump the highest, etc.

I don't think she was being rude, just a bit cheeky and probably didn't know yet about the wide and complex range of social niceties. She is 4 and naturally makes comparisons. it's hardly like she was saying it to deliberately offend you!

HeadfirstOverTheHighJump · 03/08/2012 13:39

At the same age dd2 said to me "you have a big fat tummy mummy, I like it because it's squishy" while snuggling her head into it

She meant it as a compliment I think

WorraLiberty · 03/08/2012 13:39

Well I must admit I burst out laughing at... I know freud I was told off for saying nothing

YouOldSlag · 03/08/2012 13:41

Headfirst- my DS said the same last year when he was 5. "I love you Mummy, you're all squishy and soft". My face was a picture and DH burst out laughing. Nobody got told off!

LookBehindYou · 03/08/2012 13:50

4 year olds definitely know how to offend and be cheeky. A lot of it is experimentation which is why it is the adult's job to help them understand what is socially acceptable. I don't think I would have told the little girl that she was naughty, but would have cheerfully agreed that my house was messy and that she was cheeky to mention it.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 03/08/2012 13:52

I would have said 'oi, cheeky!'. That's about it.

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