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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay the nursery

142 replies

HowamIgoingtogetoutofthis · 02/08/2012 19:58

Forgive the brevity, I typed a monster post so as not to drip feed, but I lost it.

I have left a violent relationship. Children at risk of abduction (international dimension, court orders protecting children now in place) by their father. He was arrested for assaulting me. When on remand my family and friends moved me out hundreds of miles away.

I emailed the nursery explained the situation (in some detail) explaining the children were not safe at the nursery if their father was released and his behaviour may present a security issue with regards other children.

The manager sent me an email saying he would speak to the owner, was sorry to hear what had gone on and would forward the bys portfolios on in confidence when necessary. Today the owner has sent me an invoice for the entire notice period (£1400). I had expected to lose the deposit, but I have literally just run away with my children to save them. I don't have that sort of money. AIBU not to pay? They can't sue me, I have no assets.

OP posts:
Noqontrol · 02/08/2012 19:59

Can you talk to them about this and come to some sort of compromise?

SirChrisHoysThighs · 02/08/2012 20:00

You owe them the money in lieu of notice. YABU not to pay.

Sorry about your situation though but £1400 is a lot of money for a small business to lose.

JumpingThroughHoops · 02/08/2012 20:00

I feel for you BUT they have bills and staff to pay and need an income to facilitate that. You entered into a contract.

Personally I would reiterate to the nursery the situation, appeal to their better nature.

And I really wouldnt be worrying about it now. You have bigger things on your mind.

Oh and dont give them your address either

rainbowinthesky · 02/08/2012 20:00

Wow. I am amazed. I would write to the owners directly. I think few people would expect you to pay regardless of whether you are legally bound.

AgentProvocateur · 02/08/2012 20:02

Sorry for your situation, but I do think you should pay - even if it's in installments over the next year.

50shadesofstress · 02/08/2012 20:02

If you signed a contract/payment agreement then they are within their rights to request payment but not sure how they can enforce it.

I am not sure I would ask for the full notice to be paid in this situation and would probably only charge for the time you used or until the end of the week you contacted them to tell them.

The whole reason you pay the deposit is if you leave without notice surely?? That sounds like a lot of money.

MaryHansack · 02/08/2012 20:03

can you try to negotiate with them,offer them 50 per cent?

MaryHansack · 02/08/2012 20:04

also as 50shades mentioned, what can they do to get the money back?

Rubirosa · 02/08/2012 20:05

Legally you have to pay and they could take you to small claims I think.

I would offer them a payment plan that you can afford (£5 a week?). If you make a reasonable offer and they refuse then it won't look good for them if they do go to court.

Sirzy · 02/08/2012 20:05

Although your situation is awful I doubt many small businesses can afford to write off that amount of money.

SarahBumBarer · 02/08/2012 20:05

YABU. Did you run away without paying anyone else what you owed? If not why does the nursery get special treatment?

And they can sue you. Recovery is a separate issue. do you really want a CCJ against your name?

I AM sorry that your situation sounds so scary.

50shadesofstress · 02/08/2012 20:05

Sorry I should add that if it is a small nursery/pre-school I would be worried that it would be crippling to them however a nursery with policies in place for deposits and long notice periods are unlikely to be small charity run pre-schools. I have a large amount of experience in this area so I am not being flippant.

SirChrisHoysThighs · 02/08/2012 20:05

Surely the next step would to be to take you to small claims and/or set the bailiffs on you.

If they take these measures they can find you, even if you are well hidden from your ex.

TeWiDoesTheHulaInHawaii · 02/08/2012 20:06

I would get further advice, possibly from the CAB?

Morally, you shouldn't have to pay.

Legally you might have to ask if they would accept payment in small instalments.

Petsinmyolympicpudenda · 02/08/2012 20:07

You're situation is horrible but yabu.
If you owe them money it has to be paid.

50shadesofstress · 02/08/2012 20:07

This is very different than paying money owed - often nurseries have a whole terms notice as their policy but you don't necessarily sign a contract.

A private school would be a terms notice and they definitely would persue the notice money regardless of the situation but you know that going into the contract.

OP - I really think you need to look back at your contract and find out where you stand. At the end of the day the nursery are not necessairly going to be losing money as the child will not actually be there!

Original poster
HowamIgoingtogetoutofthis · 02/08/2012 20:07

I did pay a deposit (couple of hundred pounds) and they can fill the place, there is a waiting list. In fact I know who will be taking it, so they aren't actually losing at all. I know I signed a contract with them. I just feel that the children and I have already been subjected to a horrific situation.

I finally got the courage to leave and then I get slapped with a massive bill. I had already paid for what I had used in advance and more. It just feels totally heartless. Of course it's unenforceable, but I just thought they'd have a modicum of I don't know, compassion?

OP posts:
greenwichgroove · 02/08/2012 20:07

I was in this situation, I tdied to negotiage installments, they would not agree so I told them to take me to court who then arranged a set monthly amount based on my income. It was much less than I had offered.

JumpingThroughHoops · 02/08/2012 20:10

You could cause someone to lose their job, ultimately their home

WelshMaenad · 02/08/2012 20:10

I can see both sides tbh.

I think you need to contact them and explain, see if they can reduce the bill, or gone to an arrangement to pay over time. It's not your fault that you've had to pull them out, but neither is it the nursery's, and they will be losing money until they can fill those spaces.

I'd put it in writing but not worry about it overly right now, it sounds like you have plenty to concern you right now. See what they say. Take it from there. You've shown willing. Let's hope they do too.

Your circs sound horrific, and I am very sorry for what you're going through.

Springforward · 02/08/2012 20:10

I think if I were in your situation I might be tempted to write to the nursery and tell them that, because of your situation, you must apologise but you cannot pay, and then perhaps wait and see what they choose to do next.

If they pursue you, and you still are not in a position to pay, I would perhaps find a solicitor/ law centre to ask them to write off the debt. Would you qualify for legal aid?

50shadesofstress · 02/08/2012 20:10

I run a nursery and would never ask for payment in this situation if we could fill the place. Very heartless and not what a lot of people would do. If it is a nursery attached to a private school this does not suprise me after hearing lots of things on MN.

Original poster
HowamIgoingtogetoutofthis · 02/08/2012 20:11

Of course I haven't the singled the bloody nursery out. I had to leave my landlord, my employer, everything.

OP posts:
greenwichgroove · 02/08/2012 20:11

Is it a nursery in a private school?

50shadesofstress · 02/08/2012 20:12

Jumping I think that is slightly extreme, one child does not usually make or break a setting especially one with a waiting list with someone ready to start as the OP has mentioned.