To never take my dd out in public again.

[greenwichgroove]

In the loos today and dd shouts there's no loo roll.

I tell her she will have to manage as I was in next cubicle and none in mine either. She's says she will have to shake. She started singing a tune (to the tune sheldon in big bang theory sings in the bongo episode for those who know)

"There's no toilet roll so mummy shakes her booty" really loudly"

I walk out of cubicle to a queue of people we hadn't heard come in

Please tell me your children have embarassed you more..

DS is obssessed with poo just now. It is apparently the funniest thing in the world. Last week on hols, whenever we passed by something whiffy, DS shouted "urgh, Daddy poo!" very, very loudly. Mostly in crowded places.

Could have been worse, could have said Mummy poo....

no, that trumps mine ;)

I took my DS into the cubicle with me when he was about 3yrs old

It sounded like someone in the next cubicle was unwrapping a tampon

DS shouted, "Ooh Mummy, someone's eating a sweetie in the toilets!"

I don't know who was more embarrassed...me or the poor woman who emerged shame faced

HAHAHAHA

Ds in the public loos. MUMMY WHERES YOU'RE WILLY GONE??

Pepper lmao

When he was about 3 my Ds heard a lady fart in the cubicle next door to us, after a pause he said (loudly) "excuse me that is rude please pardon" while he knocked on the cubicle. Mortified doesn't even cover it.

And no even after being asked she still didn't say excuse me poor lady

My son had a crap in asda toilets last week. I swear it was a dead rat/dead pigeon mix. I had to stand with the main door open so that the smell could drift away. It was deeply rancid smell and typically it was a very busy asda. Small person but craps like a bear in the proverbial woods.

I had a really nasty urine infection once and was peeing blood. Ds knew because not only does he like to practically climb into the toilet when I'm using it but also heard me on the phone to the doctors.

Now most times I go to the toilet he not only asks me if I'm doing a wee or a poo but also asks 'is there blood in it this time'. He doesn't care whether it's a public toilet or not.

Once I told him to wait for the lady to finish at the supermarket checkout and he shouted 'that's not a lady that's a man'. He does also ask people if they are a lady or a man if they look a bit neutral.

Ds once said 'lady like dog mummy'

Me: 'oh do you mean does the lady like dogs?'
Ds: no. Lady look like dog mummy
Me:

Dee

My dds current favourite is

'mummy look, there's a lady with a beard!'

Me: 'no sweetie, that's a man with long hair and a beard'

'but mummy, boys don't have long hair, that's SILLY!'

When toilet training dd1 she announced loudly when she got back to the table that that was a stinky one.

A boy I used to nanny once announced very loudly in Brent cross that 'one minute my willys soft, then it goes hard again'

My DS likes to comment on everything he sees. Once on a train journey, having pointed out everything else, he pointed to where I was sitting and shouted at the top of his voice "Look a bum, a giant bum"! I seriously consider throwing either myself or DS off the moving train, the people in the seats opposite struggle to hide their giggles and my other two DC don't even bother trying to hide theirs!

overheard in a public loo - 'can i wipe your bottom now, mummy?'

Oh yes I remember the joy of sharing a public toilet with a 3 year old DD!

'mummy you have bloooooooood, oh dear lets get a tissue mummy'

'Tell me why you have blooooood again - its the eeeggggs isn't it, are you having an egg?'

I have never desired a child so much at that point!

'Mummy! I can see the hole where the baby came out!'

In a public toilet, from my suddenly very clear spoken nearly 3yo dd1.

Dd2 had recently been born. By section.

I have never desired a child to disappear at that point

I was being very cunning today as DS obviously needed a wee but didn't want to leave his biscuit.

So I told him that I needed the toilet and he would have to show me where they were.

All through the cafe, down the stairs, across another department to the toilets with DS shouting "Nearly there Mummy! Hold it in!"

And then the reverse route with DS telling me "Good girl Mummy, you used the toilet, you held it in and did a tinkle in the toilet" in his oh-so-clear and bloody loud proud 3 year old voice

Walking past a lady in Sainsburys with an enormous arse rather obvious derriere, 2 year old DS trills out 'BIG BUM'!

I am loving reading these

I took my DS to the Ladies (when he was too little to go into the gents alone)

"Mummy do you know what daddy and I do"?

"Erm, no. What d'you do?"

"We do a wee in the floor (urinal gutter) and our wee wee streams cross over " .Said with triumph.

Lady in next cubicle chuckles.

DS1 to DH the first time he took him in the gents "that man's willy isn't as big as yours Daddy!"

I bet your DH smirked GreatGretszky

At the tender age of 4 y.o. my dd announced loudly in the local theatre loos -

"Look mummy that's my clitoris!"

We then proceeded to walk out of the cubicle for the lady at the sink to say -

"That's a big word for a little girl"