To never take my dd out in public again.

[greenwichgroove]

In the loos today and dd shouts there's no loo roll.

I tell her she will have to manage as I was in next cubicle and none in mine either. She's says she will have to shake. She started singing a tune (to the tune sheldon in big bang theory sings in the bongo episode for those who know)

"There's no toilet roll so mummy shakes her booty" really loudly"

I walk out of cubicle to a queue of people we hadn't heard come in

Please tell me your children have embarassed you more..

my DS (about 3ish at the time)was wrapped in his towel sitting on the couch after his bath...

I had my fairly new boyfriend round

DS...suddenly pipes up and stands up....towel drops off and he's saying "look mummy...my willy is really big!!"

Me..." oh yes...thats nice...can you put on your PJ's now"

Loving these! Lovely to have something to amuse me during middle of the night feeds!

I think MN needs more of these lighthearted threads....
I have often been hoping there was some silly stuff to have a wee laugh with...

does MN have a silly threads section???

DS recently shouted 'what's that furry thing?' at me while we were in the rather busy unisex changing rooms at the swimming pool.

whatthe, this thread has been one my favourites today :)

garlic ...

Dd1 likes to ask loudly.. Are you doing a wee or a poo mummy ?? Then tell everyone outside what we both did..
Then there's the blow by blow account of her poo and how many bits are coming down and how big they are !!! sooo embarrassing !!

Whilst getting changed in the local swimming pool my 3yr old dd announced in a loud clear voice,

"Daddy, your willie is like an enormous snake"

Didnt know whether to be embarrassed or walk out of the cubicle proudly.

Shame DD has no idea what an enormous snake actually looks like (small worm would have been more appropriate)

Ahhh - DD is obsessed with having a willy, in a public loo recently ,

'I will wipe my tonkle mummy, you can wipe your tonkle too. It's sad having a tonkle though why can't we have a willy to play with like DH & DS'

(Just wait small girl - you will see a tonkle is a great thing to have)

DD 2, yesterday. She sees large man beside her. Actually a huge man So she runs up to him, points up at his belly and SHOUTS "look, he has a baby in his tummy". I looked away in horror trying to ignore her so she shouts even louder saying it all over AGAIN.

The horror.

The white stuff on the door step thread is very strange!

I was in a public toilet with DS1 when he was about three. Took out a tampon and unwrapped it. Cue much excitement from DS1
"Ooh Mummy, a sweetie! Can I have a sweetie Mummy? Can I have a sweetie? I love sweeties. Oh, where's it gone Mummy? Where is your sweetie gone?" etc etc.

Came out of the cubicle to a queue of ladies sniggering.

Also in a public toilet with one of the little buggers ones,

"Mummy, did you do a wee or a poo?"
"I did a wee."
"No, Mummy, you did a poo. I can smell it. Poo Poo Mummy, I can smell poo."

"No DS/DD I just did a wee."

"But I smelt it Mummy!"

and so on. Why do they have to speak so loudly?

On holiday, went to beach shak with5 yr old dd. a lady was having a massage, dd announces, "look, that lady's got a mustache on her back"

Funny how a small child suddenly develops the ability to speak very clearly when its something you do not want others to hear

In toilet at hospital dd age 4 announces to all & sundry:

"Mummy I don't think you can use this toilet. There is NO way your bottom will fit on the seat."

And my son, age 3, nodded thoughtfully as he watched our neighbour change her baby's nappy, and came out with:

"My daddy's willy is waaaaaaay bigger than that."

treadheavily DD's spatial awareness is coming along nicely, then!

My DS (then 3 or 4) went to a play place with his friend and they had one boy's toilet with a urinal and a toilet in the same room. Me and his friend's Mum were outside as they wanted to go in on their own, however we could hear them talking

"Yours is bigger than mine"
"Yes, but only because it stretches this far - look, I'll show you"
"I can't do that"
"I'll do it for you, come here"

at that point we knocked on the door and interrupted them.

My younger brother once ran up and shouted 'HA HA you're chubby!!' to a fat man selling the Big Issue.

Eldest DS in MacDonald's when he was small "oh look mummy that lady has had quite enough MacDonald's I think!" Whilst pointing at extremely embarrassed looking larger lady

DD2 in a taxi when she was 3, taxi driver had boils on his head and she inspects them studiously then announces "that mans head is DISGUSTING!" In a taxi there is no running away, you just have to suffer the rest of the journey in horrified silence! cringe

Sitting outside a lovely country pub on a summer's evening on our holiday. A gentleman walks past, nods & smiles politely. DS (4) pipes up loudly with
"Wow Mummy, that man WAS fat!!"

Ds2, when he was about 5, walked behind two very large ladies saying BOOM, BOOM every time they took a step.

Oh, and about the same age he came out of the gents loos pointing to the man who had just come out before him, saying VERY loudly 'and THAT man didn't wash his hands, so I told him to'

On a very packed bus DD turned to me and said "mummy, daddy did a very smelly pooh this morning"

DP looked mortified and told her to shh so she just raised her voice and said, "but daddy, your pooh was SMELLY! It made me sick. You should go outside and do poohs so they don't stay in our toilet."

Everyone on the bus started sniggering.

Love these, thankyou for making me feel better!

Actual laugh out loud at the boom boom one!