... to not particularly want to share the nanny with a stranger over the school holidays without some sort of financial contribution?

[zebedeethezebra]

Our nanny works for us 3 days a week to look after DS. She works for another family on the other 2 days who have 3 children.

Other mum says she can't get childcare for one of the days that nanny works for us. She has requested that our nanny look after her 3 as well as ours. She has offered to pay the nanny extra but has made no offer to contribute towards our costs (more than £100 per day for the nanny plus the swimming lesson that DS will have to miss).

She hasn't bothered to call me to discuss this, just has passed it all via the nanny.

So I've requested that she either pays us £50 or reciprocates the arrangement some time. Whatever extra she gives the nanny is none of my business. I've also said to the nanny, who looked awkward, that other mum should phone me if she has a problem.

But I'm really annoyed. I don't even know this other mum. Surely she cannot think she can share our nanny with no offer of a contribution. Quite frankly I think she has a cheek. Now the nanny will have 4 children to look after. DS will enjoy having some company, but won't get much attention (and we're trying to potty train).

I would never have requested this from her without offering to pay.

What do you think?

Worth thinking of it this way, this isn't actually a nanny share - which are usually 2 families sharing the same nanny at the same time - this is a woman who has 2 part time jobs, one with one family, one with another family. Yes they "share" the nanny, but not as an agreement between the families, but as 2 separate employers. I assume she has different contracts for each family.

Therefore it is like anyone else with 2 part time jobs, her other job is obviously entitled to ask her to do 'overtime' and if this fell on time she was free, great, but this unfortunately falls on time when she is doing her other job, so she's not free to do the overtime, unless she takes a day off from her other job. It is reasonable to ask someone just to do the job you pay them to do during the hours you pay them, not to also do additional work for someone else.

It's kind of like a BT operator working as a telephone psychic during their BT hours. Kind of, a little bit . . .

I don't think insurance is an issue. We have employer's liability insurance in our house cover, but nanny will take DS to the other family's house.

If you're not happy just say so. I agree this isn't a shared arrangment at the moment. The nanny works for the families on different days. Like somebody having two jobs. There is no need for you to share at all if you don't want to though it does put the nanny in a difficult position. The other woman has been quite rude not consulting you. Just say no.

Yes but the nature of nannying lends itself very easily to sharing. A lot of families might see it as an advantage - potential flexibility.

Tbh, I would just say no.

I think the nanny has probably been put in an awkward position by her other, unscrupulous and demanding, employer. If I were the OP, I would telephone my nanny's other employer and tell her that you do not agree to the proposal.

I agree with girls

I think you are being unreasonable. Maybe one day you will need a favour too?

maybe your ds will actually enjoying having 3 new playmates for the day?

Is this one day, or one day a week for the foreseeable future?

I'm assuming this is a one off....

The problems is nanny for effectively two different employers at the same time does not lend easily to sharing.
Both employers will have different needs and wants and rules for their children. The children will each have their own routines.

I speak from experience where I had a nanny for 2 days and she worked else where for the other three. I know the other mum well and whilst I am lax about routines and food, the other mum wanted very rigid routines for food etc. That was just the tip of the iceberg, parents will have very different expectations of the day they want for their children.

I was assuming it was over the school holidays. In which case not forever. But it's the entitlement attitude with the other employer that is the problem I think.

Just to add, I think it would be ok as a one off but I would not agree to my child losing out on an activity that was already paid for and would most certainly not expect to pay the normal rate for sole care. YANBU

As a nanny I wouldn't agree to this. If for example I work mon and tues with one family, what I or they do in the other days is up to us/ them.

If someone wants me to be available for 3 days I get paid for three and would only work elsewhere on free days.

Your nanny should have simply said sorry but I am employed elsewhere on that day so not free

Ps I Dont think she would be affected insurance wise as my insurer has never asked for work address just my home address ( assuming that's due to maternity nannies potentially being in a new place every few weeks)

Op post this on child care section for best advice, lots of nannies on there who will sort out.

Unfortunately my DP already said yes to the nanny last week when she first asked without giving it much thought or a proper discussion. I only see the nanny myself once a week when I work from home.

So today when I mentioned that I would expect payment or reciprocation from the other mum, it seemed to come as a surprise to the nanny. She said that the other mum had agreed to pay her in cash as extra, but it was clear that the other mum just assumed that she wouldn't be contributing to our costs.

So I really wish I could say no, but because DP said yes last week, I feel that I can't say no now.

Nor do I really want to have the favour returned sometime because I manage to organise my life so that it doesn't conflict with days that I have no childcare, and quite honestly if I was so ill I couldn't look after DS on one of my days off, my mum would help or DP would take the day off.

I'm annoyed that this mum has a cheek to think that our nanny is at her disposal. I'll do it as a one off, but I really think she should have OFFERED to pay some of our costs. The nanny costs us an arm and a leg literally, and she could find an emergency nanny from an agency.

I agree with you, the other Mum is being very cheeky.

If it's a one off however you can just mark it down to experience.

You can still say no, say your DH hadn't thought it through and of course she's welcome to look after the other children on days she isn't working for you.

i think it's important for the nanny, she is being employed to work for you, she shouldnt be considering doing other things in that time except for working for you.

We can't fiddle with the nanny's pay for that day. Nannytax work out her pay and the tax, and its more hassle than its worth for us to adjust her pay as a one off.

who employs the nanny - is it you or DP? In our house I pay and employ nanny - and she knows to check holidays etc with me. I wonder if your nanny thought DP would be a soft touch??

I would be very annoyed if my nanny agreed this without clearing it with me as well as DP.

Not on - imho.

Maybe the other mum assumed your nanny would reduce your rate as she'd be earning extra from the other family?

I would have to say to the nanny that you're not prepared to pay sole charge rates on that day as thats clearly not what you're getting.