... to not particularly want to share the nanny with a stranger over the school holidays without some sort of financial contribution?

[zebedeethezebra]

Our nanny works for us 3 days a week to look after DS. She works for another family on the other 2 days who have 3 children.

Other mum says she can't get childcare for one of the days that nanny works for us. She has requested that our nanny look after her 3 as well as ours. She has offered to pay the nanny extra but has made no offer to contribute towards our costs (more than £100 per day for the nanny plus the swimming lesson that DS will have to miss).

She hasn't bothered to call me to discuss this, just has passed it all via the nanny.

So I've requested that she either pays us £50 or reciprocates the arrangement some time. Whatever extra she gives the nanny is none of my business. I've also said to the nanny, who looked awkward, that other mum should phone me if she has a problem.

But I'm really annoyed. I don't even know this other mum. Surely she cannot think she can share our nanny with no offer of a contribution. Quite frankly I think she has a cheek. Now the nanny will have 4 children to look after. DS will enjoy having some company, but won't get much attention (and we're trying to potty train).

I would never have requested this from her without offering to pay.

What do you think?

Oh right, I understand. If it is your normal day then she should stick to that and it's up to the other mum to make other arrangements. BUT worth remembering the booth might be on the other foot one day and you might need a similar favour

The nanny should only be doing this if she is offering to reduce her own rate for that day. But I don't think she shudo be doing the arranging at all, the other family want a favour from OP, not from the nanny.

nope, you tell your nanny that she is paid to look after your DCs on those days, noone elses. If she wants to take some annual leave and look after the other family's DCs, then you'll discuss this, but as the matter stands you pay her to work for your family on those dates.

I wouldn't get into the other mum paying some of your costs or anything else like that, just say no. Also, where would these DCs be cared for? In your home? How does that work for insurance purposes if the other DCs were injured? What would happen if the other DCs damaged your stuff? What if they other DCs don't get on with yours?

Just say no. Some random stranger's childcare issues aren't your problem - don't get involved. If it's just one day, then the other mum can take a day's holiday or call a nanny agency and get emergancy cover.

Tell the nanny you are happy with the current arrangement and don't want to change. This would really change how things are working for you at the moment. The other woman is being cheeky and trying to piggyback on your organisation and current setup. Watch out for her trying to poach the nanny completely though.

Agree totally with Don'tmind.

Hardly a "random stranger" your children share the same nanny! You never know when shoe might be on other foot. Personally I would try to make it possible flexibility works both ways.

I dont think she was cheeky offering money. Naive yes. She probably assumed nanny would handle it sensibly does not sound like she has though.

Waterloo if you were getting "normal" sole charge rate I do think you were quite lucky to get paid effectively double. That would mean on the days you were looking after both families you would have been the highest paid nanny around - good on you though !

So is this to be at your house ? Sorry if already said but cant be bothered not got time to read all thread. If so then yes she certainly should have asked you.

girls has completeley changed the way I'm analysing this problem now. Very interesting.

I still think I'd have called to speak to you. What the other mum has done is put her trust in the nanny to sort it out and as it happens, the nanny's proposals for sorting it out aren't terribly reasonable. Thus jeopardising other mother's chances of getting cover for the day.

Or days. I thought it was a day a week for the summer, others seem to assume just a day.

Hmm. I'm not sure that works as a legal thing. If she's in your house looking after your ds then that's nannying. If she's in your houselooking after another three children does that make her a childminder? It's certainly a question.

Basically, legalities/insurance aside, I don't think the other family is UR to gentle enquire whether you would be happy, with potentially a reciprocal arrangement. If it's been presented as a fait encomplait (sp?) then VUR.

Amazed by some of the comments on this thread.

Totally the nannie's responsiblity to have managed this between the families. The other mother is probably a very normal mother who suddenly finds herself in a pickle and thinks she might be able to find something workable ... rather than the way she is being painted here... Op is new to it and understandably uncomfortable but this all seems totally resolvable to me.

Its just trying to arrange childcare!!!

I too want to know whether the other mother expects her children to be taken care of in your house?

This woman's child care issues are no concern of yours, that's what you need to tell the nanny.

totally the nanny's responsibility and no reason to contact the other mother - personally i'd want to pay half price to go from 1:1 to one of four care and i'd want them away from my house either out or at the other parents' house and they could take a packed lunch from my house which the nanny could make the day before.

Totally agree with Star Anise.

This is what should have happened; Other mum should have asked Nanny if she would be prepared to look after all the kids. If she says yes she should then have either asked her to call you to ask you or called you herself.
If you agreed to it you could have sorted out payment and logistics between you and offered the nanny extra between you thus you both paying less than normal rate.
Lastly asked nanny if she was happy with payment and logistics agreed by you both.

I would not allow this to happen because it will set a precedent and will happen again.

girlsofsummer Oh I agree I was fortunate but both families were happy with the arrangement and as I said, it was a one off and both times I got my usual wage from main employer and usual pay from other family.
However, both times, the second family asked me and I cleared it with my employer first, if she had said no, that would have been that.

Actually, I have a nanny share - 2 days for me - 3 days for someone else and it never would have occurred to me to ask nanny to take all four kids for 1 day a week - as she is working for someone else on those days!

If the nanny usually gets paid 100 pounds a day for the day she works for op then the other family need to cough up 75 for their share of the day that the nanny is working .

if the family then want to pay the nanny extra that is between the nanny and the other family. If they don't pay extra then the nanny will think twice about doing this either now or in the future, as she will have four three more dc and no extra money...

Op do you think you might ever need extra childcare in return?

Oh, if I was very very stuck for childare, I might ask but I would (a) check my nanny was happy to have 5 kids all day, (b) check also with the other parent and come to some sort of financial arrangement with them and the nanny (c) recognise that the nanny and the other parents were doing me a huge favour and therefore make it as easy as possible for them by eg, hosting the children at mine, providing the food/activities etc.

Unprofessional of the nanny and unreasonable of the other parents. The only thing that would make me even consider this is fear of upsetting and losing the nanny.

Thankfully the nanny has suggested to both of us that she takes my DS to other mum's house for that day and brings him back. Otherwise she will not be able to get them all in her car.

There's no way I would have them all here.

Eh? It would be a big fat no from me I'm afraid. Otherwise how do you know your nanny won't start doing this in a regular basis without telling you, to pocket extra cash? Sorry, if you work for me, I'm the boss. End of.

And like ivykaty I would explain to the nanny that I would reduce her pay for those days by 75%.

I can't ever think that I would want to reciprocate unless I was ill or had a job interview.

Let's hope you never get ill or have job interview then!