To be so ashamed of ds and his behaviour?

[Onlyhappywhenitrains]

Ds aged 3.1 has always been tricky. He was a miserable baby because he never slept and cried around six hours a day. He has grown into a more cheerful toddler but he is extremely high energy with a short concentration span and if he has decided he doesn't want to do something it is practically impossible to convince him otherwise. And he stil doesn't sleep.
He is the size of a six year old and will often push or snatch from other children his own age. I don't think he realises his own strength and often other people think he is older than he really is which doesn't help.
But I am constantly on edge waiting for him to misbehave. Today we went out with a few of my friends, one of whom has a dd who is just six months older than my ds. They were the only children there. She sat still over lunch, chatted to everyone and was generally delightful. Ds would not sit still, barely said a word (although is capable of holding full blown conversations and does not shut up at home) and periodically would snatch / whinge / cry because he couldn't have his own way.
I could just feel everyone thinking 'I'm glad that isn't my child' and making negative comparisons between friend's dd and my ds. As was I. I know it doesn't help to compare but I really am getting the the point where I would prefer to stay in the house all day than take ds out. Is this just 3 year old boy behaviour and will it pass? I worry he will never cope when starting school. I don't think he is especially bright and I don't think he will sit still. He is also very easily put off, if he can't do something the first time he will lie on the floor and scream in frustration and then won't try again. This morning he had a fifteen minute sulk because he couldn't get a spinning top to spin fast enough. He is unbelievably competitive and turns everything into a race or competition. If he doesn't win, again massive tantrums and screaming.

Oh I really second how to talk so children will listen,

Toddler Taming advocates smacking in an emergency situations granted but still...I would imagine a book line that would create even more problems. This child is 3 not 6 despite looking it you have to keep reminding yourself this.

I actually think your 1st thoughts should be with how you can improve the happiness of your child rather than what other parents are thinking about your child's behaviour and what your seen to be doing about it. Yes you have to say something if he hurts someone but how bad can a 3 year olds behaviour be. If another adult doesn't appreciate that then sod them. This child's attitude will improve immeasurably if you don't look at him/ think about him as the guilty party in every fall out between kids. My DS was fairly outraged a lot at 2.5 and bit 2 children. One was his cousin, the other was a friend, badly on the cheek. It was very stressful at the time but it was only these children. His cousin was 9 months older and would torment him with sticks all the time, he flipped one time but I could see why. Rather than thinking he was awful, the devil, I explained to my brother that we couldn't visit as the stick poking was never going to end nicely. Funnily enough my DN had to move nursery for his stick behaviour and once he had to stop behaving like this the friendship between my DS and DN grew. With the friend he bit I stupidly thought he was responsible enough to play alone with his friend but they were too young. His friend was a bit of a pusher and snatcher to the point of nearly pushing him down a steep flight of stairs at a soft play centre. The result would've been pretty awful but that was his thing he was a pusher, DS was a biter in these two cases but again I was devastated, embarrassed but you've got to get a grip as an adult and see their behaviour in context and perhaps avoid that context again. You should not think your child is the evil one in these situations and all other children are Angels and cope just fine.

As someone who's DD 2.5 has bitten, pushed etc I agree you have to look at context it's being done in and try to change things for next time - I've started distracting DD when I think she may be about to do something.
V hard to do but helps to look at it as a phase and if you have to avoid certain situations it might be worth it for less stress
Easier said than done I know...
I'd also recommend 123 Magic

hmc - Oh, that's all right then

For fish oils try Omegaberry by Biocare. It is quite a nice tasting syrup and the only Omega supplement my son will willingly take.

It sounds like you're understandably tired and stressed.

Re. going out to lunch : if I understand your post correctly, it was a mostly grown-up gathering, only one other child not much interested in playing with him, probably most of the other people at table wanting to catch up with their friends rather than interact with a toddler and nowhere for him to run around ? I think most three year olds would struggle with that and you shouldn't worry about it. A one hour lunch for them will seem like three or four hours for us, can you remember the last time you got yourself -possibly at a works function - stuck at a four hour meal on a table where everyone was talking amogst themselves about things you have no interest in ? Didn't you want to chew your arm off at the end ?

OP get him a DS I guarantee he will sit still at any meal out.

Agree with kirsty

Neither of my DSs would sit nicely for this length of time, at that age. DS1 because he was really not that interested in food, and despite the fact that at that age he'd play really nicely by himself - brumming cars etc - the fact was he didn't want to be doing this at the table. DS1 did like eating out but his limit was about 30 mins at table unless he was being entertained.

If your expectations of him are too high, whether he is a normal child or not, he'll pick up on that and behave worse.

Hiya

My DS turns 3 on Sunday and he has been a bit of a handful for the last few months in the ruining my new makeup and tearing the stickers from his sister's (6.5yrs) book which she had spent ages doing , and taking apart and ruining my deceased father's rosary beads (which I had on top of my dresser) type of way. I had a picture of my husband which is over 30 years old in my bag, it was part of a viewer type thing that was done at Butlins in the 70's (you looked throught the small window and the picture inside is magnified at the other end) - well I caught him with it a few days ago and was relieved that I got it off him in one piece, and told him 'No' in a stern voice. Then to my horror I found it laying on the floor yesterday and the picture was missing from it. I felt really sad about it, I asked him where the picture was but he couldn't tell me. I understand that he doesn't know how importand it was to me - but I still feel a bit upest by it. This is just a few of the similar kind of impish things he does. He is always taking his sister's stuff and hiding under his bed with it, whenever I chase him to get it off him. He has also bitten his sister in the past.

He is a happy child and always wants to give kisses etc - especially when he knows he has done something he shouldn't have. He has a new brother (3 weeks old) and is always kissing the babies toes and cheek, and is very gentle with him. He is potty traind both day and night. His speech isn't brilliant but is borderline according to an initial meeting with the therapist.

Tonight I had to tell him several times to go to bed, nearly 3 hours later (midnight) my husband spanked him on the bum as he was still awake and running around. My husband was really annoyed and said that he didn't want to come with us to the ice cream parlour on Sunday to celebrate his birthday and he also said that he was ashamed of him. DS is very sociable when we are outside and charm personified and great with other children despite not being at nursery. He starts nursery in September.

I was really shocked by what my DH said and feel very sad and tearful about it. I did say earlier that I think we should get him checked by child specialist because of his behaviour (he had got hold of something belonging to his sister and ruined part of him, I had caught him with it earlier and told him 'No' it was his sister's), but part of me thinks that it is a phase and that it will pass.

He loves to please and has a lovely personality.