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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Christening Present List

93 replies

A1980 · 27/07/2012 20:21

I don't have children & most of my friends don't either so I'm not sure this is usual or not. DP's nephew is being christened soon. He is 3 and I have been invited. I was looking around for a present and I was thinking of a book. A special edition classic: something he can keep.

I've found out from DP that the child's parents are very concerned about what they receive and don't want a load of useless tat such as money boxes, cutlery etc so they have compiled a present list for the christening which has been circulated to ensure the child gets what the parents want him to have and that there are no duplicated presents. Forget about meagre books the stuff on that list is really expensive.

Please tell me: is this usual? IMO a christening is a symbolic religious ceremony and should not be a grab bag for presents. I think it's distasteful.

OP posts:

iamme43 · 27/07/2012 20:24

Making a list for presents is distasteful for anything.............

Buy him a bible as it is a religious thing [or suppose to be]

YouOldSlag · 27/07/2012 20:24

YANBU. It's grabby, rude and inappropriate.

You are absolutely right, they are losing sight of what it's about.

Sirzy · 27/07/2012 20:25

I don't like the idea of having a list for a christening. Christenings shouldn't be about the presents you are given it should be about welcoming the child to the Church.

I am a firm believer that presents for Christenings should have some sort of religious significance or at least be a good 'keep sake' type present. Christmas and birthdays are for toys and other things,

Gumby · 27/07/2012 20:25

Very rude of them

plainwhitet · 27/07/2012 20:26

I think this is beyond distatesful. How horrid and grasping. Buy a book as you intended, an excellent present for anyone.

eurochick · 27/07/2012 20:26

As someone who just gave a money box for a christening, I am hoping it wasn't considered useless tat....

slothprincess · 27/07/2012 20:27

YANBU. We had our baby's christening last week and were surprised by the thoughtful gifts we received. We weren't expecting presents.

I had an invite to a baby shower the other day and the mum-to-be has a wish list on amazon!! I was shocked by that.

StrawberryMojito · 27/07/2012 20:27

Totally shocking. We had our DS christened in March and told people not to bother, especially as people were generous when he was born. Don't buy off the list, buy what you want or not at all.

picnicbasketcase · 27/07/2012 20:27

I find wedding lists quite rude and I've never heard of a christening list before. Surely a present is supposed to have thought and meaning behind it, you shouldn't have to choose something from an approved list so that the parents know exactly what you've spent. Rather

OddBoots · 27/07/2012 20:28

Having a list for anyone who asks for ideas is fine, having it compulsory is not (IMHO) - get what you want or just a card.

YouOldSlag · 27/07/2012 20:29

eurochick- our DS had 3 moneyboxes and we were so grateful and kept each one. It's nice that people went to the trouble, we didn't expect anything and christening presents take some tracking down!

He had two trains and a dinosaur and they look lovely in his room years later.

MatildaWildwood · 27/07/2012 20:29

YANBU

I think your idea for a present is so thoughtful and personal, stick to your guns!

Original poster

A1980 · 27/07/2012 20:36

Thank you! I think I'm going to stay out of it now. I will let DP buy a gift and Im buying nothing. Strangely DP thinks it's being practical as it's in the child's interests and so he doesn't get loads of the same stuff. he's really stressing over what to buy. rolls eyes!!

OP posts:

YouOldSlag · 27/07/2012 20:40

Well I hope the parents have at least had the decency to put some religious stuff on the list otherwise they may as well just give him a birthday party!

Tell your DP to stick a fiver in the card.

Honestly, I find a christening list so offensive!

ENormaSnob · 27/07/2012 20:40

The rude grabby twats.

redexpat · 27/07/2012 20:43

Wedding lists are perfectly acceptable.

Some suggestions for Christening gifts should people ask is acceptable. I don't blame them for wanting to not have duplicates. Perhaps they don't have much room so are trying to prevent a problem. Perhaps they have a history of receiving crap presents - because not everyone is good at buying gifts - and they don't want a repeat on a special day. Perhaps the family is spread around so one list is easier for the parents.

And Christenings aren't about presents, but lots of guests want to give. I was practically bullied into having a list for DS's Christening. All I wanted was a bible for him. I told people not to bother but they felt that they couldnt come empty handed. My cries of "we are introducing him to the Church" fell on deaf ears.

So don't judge them for it.

honeytea · 27/07/2012 20:44

I think it is a good idea to have a list of things that people can buy from if they want, but I think if you do have a list you need to say that you don't expect something from the list it is just suggestions for those stuck and wanting to buy a pressie.

We have a list for our new baby (not yet born) because people keep asking what we want, but there are some very cheap items on the list, 4 pound books or 3 pound breast pads also along with a 70 pound sling and 50 pound breast pump.

LineRunnerSpartanNaked · 27/07/2012 20:47

An illustrated Bible is fine. Written in. By you.

janji · 27/07/2012 20:47

Completely in bad taste! Is this christening really to welcome the child into the church or just an excuse for getting presents?

PorkyandBess · 27/07/2012 20:48

How vulgar!

They should say, 'no presents' and be done.

smoggii · 27/07/2012 20:50

It's grasping, greedy and tacky to have a list for anything other than a wedding/civil ceremony

For DDs we had a no gifts rule. We told people that as they had already given so generously when she arrived we did not want more gifts merely their presence at the ceremony and for them to enjoy the party afterwards to thank them for being a part of her and our lives.

YouOldSlag · 27/07/2012 20:52

Yes wedding lists are acceptable, but a christening is something different altogether. It is about welcoming a child into the family of the church, not giving a married couple new stuff for their house.

Even if you say "here is a list but you don't have to buy anything", people will feel guilt tripped. Just say, no gifts please, we look forward to seeing you. If people really want to get something they either will get something they choose or pop money in a card.

Our DS had beautiful gifts for his christening: a Winnie The Pooh treasury, silver moneyboxes, music boxes, a bible, a bit of money. We were chuffed and no list was required. No gifts were expected.

I think it's bit rude to direct people this way, as if you're saying " if you're going to spend your money, make sure it's something we like or don't bother"

I grant you that this has been going on for years with wedding lists, but I can't argue with years of tradition in that very different area.

lovebunny · 27/07/2012 20:57

never heard of this one before. grandaughter is about to be christened and presents haven't been mentioned at all. most of the guests are friends of the parents and some will be travelling a long way and incurring expense just to attend. really looking forward to it, and i'm willing to bet the parents haven't given any thought at all to gifts that might or might not be given.

exoticfruits · 27/07/2012 21:06

Inappropriate - ignore completely.

treadonthecracks · 27/07/2012 21:20

YANBU I usually give a book, with an inscription.

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