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AIBU?

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Original poster

Christening Present List

93 replies

A1980 · 27/07/2012 20:21

Hi

I don't have children & most of my friends don't either so I'm not sure this is usual or not. DP's nephew is being christened soon. He is 3 and I have been invited. I was looking around for a present and I was thinking of a book. A special edition classic: something he can keep.

I've found out from DP that the child's parents are very concerned about what they receive and don't want a load of useless tat such as money boxes, cutlery etc so they have compiled a present list for the christening which has been circulated to ensure the child gets what the parents want him to have and that there are no duplicated presents. Forget about meagre books the stuff on that list is really expensive.

Please tell me: is this usual? IMO a christening is a symbolic religious ceremony and should not be a grab bag for presents. I think it's distasteful.

OP posts:
GreenGoldSilverAndBronzeShadow · 28/07/2012 16:53

Lists, done correctly and with approval of all parties, need not be grabby.

Our family always do lists for Christmas / Birthdays. Without one, I have no idea what to buy my relations that they will actually want/use.

As a family we don't do 'knick knacks', but prefer to actually spend our hard earned money on something that will be used not just put aside with other gifts.

But, having said that, we wouldn't have done a Christening / baby list.

hairylemon · 28/07/2012 16:58

Not usual at all. Very cheeky and distasteful. The book idea sounds lovely stick it up the grabbing bastards arse with that

SaraBellumHertz · 28/07/2012 17:00

Agree distasteful.

and please tell us what was on the list

wriggletto · 28/07/2012 18:00

Ew. I think this is one gift occasion when if you don't know what to give specifically, a small cheque for the baby's saving account is fine.

TidyDancer · 28/07/2012 18:05

Oh dear, no, this is not acceptable.

I don't like lists for anything, including weddings.

But this isn't even what is considered to be 'the norm'.

Very very grabby to send a list/wish list, even more so to include it with the invitation.

diddl · 28/07/2012 18:11

I think a list is fine-as long as it´s only given to people who ask!

If you know what you would like to buy-buy it.

birdofthenorth · 28/07/2012 18:11

I said no presents and I meant it. A lot of people ignored me & chose something but a lot of people did just bring a card & if we'd have had a list I'm sure they would have felt pressure to spend. She did get several bibles though so if you are not a Godparent I would suggest a bedtime prayer book or nice nativity story or other book of Christian stories/ prayers/ songs as there's only so many written in Usbourne Children's Bible's a girl needs!!

katiegolightly · 28/07/2012 18:14

Gift lists for any occasion IMHO should never EVER be put out there with an invitation, eugh and cringey. However when you have repeatedly insistent family or friends who unfortunately are beside themselves if they cannot buy you a pressie and work themselves up because they have no idea what to choose, a list is a convenient way of pointing them in the right direction.

I understand most lists (yes, even baby showers for first time mums, I did) but IMHO wedding lists are probably the least relevant these days, as they always used to be about a new couple setting up and furnishing home together, and most couples no longer need this!

OP your book idea is lovely - gifts that people want to give and have thoughtfully chosen are the nicest of all. I think it's unbelievably rude for people to be pushy about a grabby want list. Gifts should never ever be expected, that's not what gift giving or commemorating and occasion is about.

Kayano · 28/07/2012 18:14

People keep asking me what they should get for dd's christening. I say 'anything you like so long as it isn't silver!!

I hate all that silver shit WinkGrin

WaitingForMe · 28/07/2012 18:22

I'm having a naming ceremony for bump (I'm an atheist but like a party) and am in favour of lists BUT for our Christmas wedding we asked for a bauble. We now have a lovely collection. It made things easy for guests yet wasn't (IMO) greedy as they are relatively cheap things. So many people said it was a great idea.

My plan for bump's gift list is actually to ask everyone for a copy of their favourite book from their childhood. Maybe it's just my family and friends but I find people appreciate there being a bit of a theme.

I'm quite Shock at a proper and expensive guest list though.

pigletmania · 28/07/2012 18:26

Oh my goodness, how rude and grabby and totally goes against the Christian ethos. I would just give him a book token in a card

SparklingGoldMedals · 28/07/2012 18:31

That's awful. I hate gift lists for anything. I always thought wedding lists were from the olden days when you needed to set up home and people bought tea towels, towels, china etc because you didn't have any.

I have not heard of a Christening list but I would ignore it.

TidyDancer · 28/07/2012 19:19

Oh WaitingForMe! What fantastic ideas and certainly the way to do present suggestions if people ask.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 28/07/2012 19:31

I don't like lists even for weddings, but DS received about 15 money boxes at his Christening, whereas DD received a lovely and varied set of gifts, seems it is easier buying for girls. So I can sort of see why they might so a list. But I would still feel it was grabby. I like the idea of having a theme (the book one is a lovely idea) for if people ask.

I tend to buy something like a silver crucifix and chain for girls, a child's book of Bible stories for boys. Neither of my two received a bible from anyone but I did buy them one each myself.

catgirl2012 · 28/07/2012 19:38

It's graspy and tacky for a wedding

It's beyond the pale for a christening

The book was a lovely idea

fuzzpig · 28/07/2012 19:41

Oh yuk. Have never been to a christening, and I'm an atheist, but surely a christening is about welcoming baby into the Christian faith, not about presents!

I don't particularly like lists for weddings either, but at least it's understandable if the couple is setting up home etc. But a christening?

Mind you does anyone here remember the thread a few years ago where somebody gave a friend's baby a bible for their christening, and the parents complained because it was too religious?!

pinkappleby · 28/07/2012 19:56

honeytea - if you get 25 newborn babygros you go on a trip to town and do lots of exchanges. I exchanged most newborn things I got as I had big babies and also exchanged any age where I had too much. I exchanged it for the same thing in a differenet size if I was able to so the person would still see the baby in what they chose.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 28/07/2012 20:00

In a similar vein I was in the hairdresser listening to other peoples conversations years ago when I overheard someone complaining about their child being given bibles for their Christening, "why do some people have to bring religion into everything?" she was saying, quite crossly.

patosullivan · 28/07/2012 20:06

Utterly ridiculous to claim that a Bible is too religious as a Christening gift!

A Christening is supposed to be all about religion, after all!

Olympicnmix · 28/07/2012 20:10

Yowser, that's tacky.

I once gave an expensive inscribed pictorial edition of The Lion, Witch & the Wardrobe as a Christening present only to be told "We've got that upstairs". We weren't invited to their dc2' christening Grin

fuzzpig · 28/07/2012 20:10

Quite! I tried searching for the thread but couldn't find it.

ILoveDolly · 28/07/2012 20:14

Present list at a Christening? Have not heard of that before? Rather controlling and greedy. But then, I am getting baptised and confirmed soon, and I can think of loads of things I would like - ha ha

cocoachannel · 28/07/2012 20:14

Yuck, really vulgar.

Your idea is lovely. I'd go with that.

3duracellbunnies · 28/07/2012 20:20

Well why not get a few choice presents for your dc while getting them at the front of the list for nearby faith schools just in time for school applications, you wouldn't want to risk getting too many bibles now would you?

My dc got some lovely presents, not ones we would particularly have chosen, but they still love some of their books they were give. A good classic is a safe bet, we were given a lovely book of prayers with little envelopes with more prayers in, think it was called Dear God, You Choose is a good 3-5yr old book. More adventurous gifts are a fruit bush, bottle of wine from their birth year to lie down for them (but a bit pricey).

Go with whatever you feel you want to give as a gift. I always try to think about what gifts my dc might like for birthdays as some kind people like to ask, but they are older now too, but I would never issue a guest list.

CokeFan · 28/07/2012 20:27

I'd never heard of a gift list for a Christening either. And isn't the DC in question 3 years old - so not a tiny baby but also not old enough to decide to join a church themselves. Seems a bit of an odd time to consider Christening (unless it's to get into a particular school?).

However, I think WaitingForMe's favourite book idea is lovely.

DD was 11 months at hers (had to wait for Godparents' younger child to be old enough to make the journey) and she got money boxes etc., which we thought were lovely. TBH we didn't invite a lot of family and friends from outside church.

I got a locket from my aunt for my Christening and then got a chain to match it for my confirmation.

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