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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Christening Present List

93 replies

A1980 · 27/07/2012 20:21

I don't have children & most of my friends don't either so I'm not sure this is usual or not. DP's nephew is being christened soon. He is 3 and I have been invited. I was looking around for a present and I was thinking of a book. A special edition classic: something he can keep.

I've found out from DP that the child's parents are very concerned about what they receive and don't want a load of useless tat such as money boxes, cutlery etc so they have compiled a present list for the christening which has been circulated to ensure the child gets what the parents want him to have and that there are no duplicated presents. Forget about meagre books the stuff on that list is really expensive.

Please tell me: is this usual? IMO a christening is a symbolic religious ceremony and should not be a grab bag for presents. I think it's distasteful.

OP posts:

olibeansmummy · 28/07/2012 21:27

Ds was christened when he was 2 and when people asked, I suggested a book with a nice message inside ( not a bible as we had already bought him one). It's lovely, because when he chooses one of the books he was given, I read the message to him as well :)

The best present was made by my dad who's very artistic. It's hard to describe, but he burnt a drawing of the (very beautiful) church ds was christened in, with his name, date of christening and a poem on to a piece of (fancy) wood. He must have had a special tool to do it. It's lovely and is on ds's wall. It's the best present because my dad out a lot of thought and effort into it :)

IMHO gift lists are horrid and a gift list for a new baby? Well now I've heard everything :( yuk!

MightBeSlightlyMad · 28/07/2012 21:39

I think a christening gift/wish list is tacky. The book you were going to give sounded like a great idea, really thoughtful.

I'd never dream of producing a list because then people feel pressured into buying something and that is just plain rude to put people in that position.

When our DD was christened, for people that asked we did suggest money as we wanted to purchase something that would be treasured forever, we had hand and foot casts done and they are so very special to us all.

We also got a couple of lovely bibles and some items that i would not if i'm honest of chosen myself but they to are treasured because people who we love and wanted to share in the occassion chose them which showed that our DD was in their thoughts.

honeytea · 28/07/2012 23:25

honeytea - if you get 25 newborn babygros you go on a trip to town and do lots of exchanges. I exchanged most newborn things I got as I had big babies and also exchanged any age where I had too much. I exchanged it for the same thing in a differenet size if I was able to so the person would still see the baby in what they chose.

The problem is we live in a different country to all my family, so we can't just exchange things.

My family is very very minimal with gifts, we have a 5 pound rule at christmas because we feel it is just silly to spend lots of money on each other when it is really about spending time together as a family. Lots of people in my family have an amazon wish list and if we are stuck for ideas we choose something from the list as a gift. Just because it isn't something that you choose to do doesn't mean that the people who do choose to do it are grabby. If you don't want to buy something from the list don't buy something from the list, if you don't want to buy anything at all don't buy anything at all. Personally I feel if I am invited to a party and they are going to give me a meal I like to take a gift, if it's a dinner party I take flowers/some soaps/chocolates, christenings I tend to buy charm bracelets or fruit trees. I'd hate to end up with 7 money boxes that I would have to put in storage because guests felt obliged to buy something and were at a loss as to what to buy.

DumSpiroSpero · 28/07/2012 23:36

I can see their point about not wanting to be inundated with silver plated tat, as I felt much the same way, but I think having a Christening gift list is taking the mick big time.

A few people asked about gifts and funnily enough 'special' books were what I suggested. DD has a lovely first Bible from one Godmother & a beautifully illustrated limited anniversary edition of 'Peter Pan' from the other.

Mind you, we only had a tiny Christening - immediate family & the three close friends we chose to be Godparents - I really don't get the whole thing of turning them into 'mini-weddings' personally.

You can't go wrong with a well chosen book imo, but given that it's your DP's nephew I'd be inclined to just let him deal with it.

Original poster

A1980 · 30/07/2012 10:47

Thank you all. I am staying well out of it. Im leaving it to DP to buy it. Last I heard some relatives had found cheaper versions of what they wanted (one being a chair with the boys name etched on the back). Indeed the cheaper chair was nicer. The telephoned them to check if ok and they said no buy us what we asked for....

This is meant to be a christening. Im actually.horrified.

OP posts:

VolAuVent · 30/07/2012 11:18

No, it's not usual at all to have a "christening list". I've never heard of this before. Stick to your original idea :)

DumSpiroSpero · 30/07/2012 12:19

The telephoned them to check if ok and they said no buy us what we asked for....

That is awful - I don't blame you for staying well out of it.

I know of a couple who invited 80+ to their DC's christening, complete with 'reception' at a hotel afterwards (neither of them have big families so it wasn't for that reason), I can imagine they probably had a gift list too .

Such a shame that people feel the need to make it an excuse to show off and be showered with gifts rather than appreciating the actual meaning behind it.

3duracellbunnies · 30/07/2012 12:27

Not terribly Christian of them. I would definitely not buy them anything from the list just on a point of principle. Beyond love, clothes, food, shelter, a few toys and books, a 3 year old can't actually NEED anything. Get something as noisy and plasticy as possible, the child will love it and you will guarantee not to have to attend another one of their Christenings. I bet I'm right about the faith school application

Nanny0gg · 30/07/2012 12:36

I think bibles should be bought by the Godparents really.
We do lists for birthdays and Christmas, but that is between immediate family and we are all happy with that, but a Christening list is a horrible idea.

I do however love the idea of people being asked to buy their favourite childhood book if they want ideas.

StuckInTheFensAwayFromHome · 30/07/2012 13:12

Love the idea of asking people to buy their favourite book as a gift (if they ask) and will keep that for future DC's!
We have a christening coming up - I was thinking along the lines of buying something tasteful and classy to keep forever - my DP wants to buy a toy that the kid will actually use and enjoy rather than look at on a shelf! See - even if there isn't a list, as with all things there are opposite opinions!!!

honeytea · 30/07/2012 13:36

The telephoned them to check if ok and they said no buy us what we asked for....

Well that is just very rude! I would go down the buying a big plastic noisy toy in that situation.

WelshMaenad · 30/07/2012 13:40

Both my dc are christened, I wouldn't have dreamed of compiling a gift list, we didn't expect gifts, we just wanted people there with us.

However, for my dd's christening, we included a note with invites stating that we absolutely did not expect gifts, but that if people wished to Mark the occasion we would be delighted if they would consider a donation in her name to the NICU where she was cared for for the first month of her life. We raised several hundred pounds which was used to improve parent accommodation and were thrilled. I hope nobody found this rude!

3duracellbunnies · 30/07/2012 13:56

A donation to charity is fine, especially in your situation, and you aren't telling people that they have to give a specific gift, but making a lovely suggestion, as long as you then respect that some people might give them a gift that they choose.

WelshMaenad · 30/07/2012 14:11

Yes, some people gave a gift instead, sone did both which was astonishingly generous. We got dine utterly lively things, and the requisite amount of silver-plated tat, but they're all treasured equally because they were given with love.

WelshMaenad · 30/07/2012 14:11

Some lovely - fat fingers!

2blessed · 30/07/2012 14:41

I understand the sentiment about not wanting duplicates but I just think that occasion gift buying is going too far. When I buy a gift for a christening/first holy communion/comfirmation I like to get something that is either religious or will be a keepsake. I would be offended if I was presented with a list! Its the same thing with baby showers. I was recently invited to a baby shower and on thegift list was nappies!

Original poster

A1980 · 08/08/2012 10:58

Thanks everyone. I've left it to DP to buy something from it.

I finally got a look at the list: I am appalled. There are a few keepsakes on there but not many. nothing religious at all. There are plenty of things though from bed linen, a trampoline for.the garden, a tricycle, clothes, etc etc etc.

This is for a 3 year old.boys christening. why haven't his.parents bought all.this.stuff for him already.

OP posts:

drtachyon · 08/08/2012 11:02

That does sound very grabby.

Not wanting duplicate keepsake presents like special christening money boxes or cutlery is one thing, but asking for trampolines and tricycles is quite another.

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