Hello....I am genuinely not trying to aggravate any smokers with this but I don't know how to handle this one.
Firstly, I know I have extreme views on smoking. Both my parents have smoked my whole life - around me and my siblings. It's very much a smoking family. I have never smoked and I never will. I hate smoking even more since my dad passed away specifically from smoking related cancer. It makes me angry that they subjected me and my siblings to inhaling their smoke for years, especially when one sibling had cancer as a child. I don't understand why seeing my dad pass away, horribly, was not enough to scare the living crap out of my mother and make her stop. She knows to some extent how I feel about this but we don't have a relationship where we can be totally honest - she doesn't handle it well.
My husband and I are due our first child in a couple of months. We don't live close enough for my mum to 'pop' in. It's a flight away so when she visits she stays with us. She doesn't smoke in the house - she tries to smoke less when she is here, but inevitably she does still smoke and goes in the garden to do so. I can smell it when she comes in the house and I really don't like it. I think partly, now that everywhere in public is non smoking and I haven't lived at home for many years I probably notice it more. She will of course come to visit when the baby comes.
When we go to see my mum we stay with her. My dad always smoked in the house and smoked a lot more than my mum. Mum smokes outside most of the time, and the house has been decorated from top to bottom. On a recent visit I kept my suitcase closed. I didn't even open it whilst in the house. Yet still, when we left I had to wash everything and leave the case outside for two days because everything smelt of smoke. All the lovely baby things she bought I had to wash to get rid of the smell.
I don't know how to handle this - there is no way on this earth I am staying in that house with my baby if that is how my clothes smell when we come away. It's been 3 years since my dad passed away and still the smoke lingers. I don't want my mum anywhere near the baby when she's had a cigarette. If I can smell it, the baby can breathe it in.
I know my views are extreme and I don't really know how on earth I'm going to tackle this with my mum without feeling like I'm being really mean.
And where do I draw the line? One sibling has a child, and they live close to my mum but my brother smokes (outside his house, not inside) but still...
I'm sorry this is so long but any advice very welcome but please don't tell me to ignore the smoking thing because I just can't.
Thank you!!