To not think much of this guy

[Wiggypigs]

A friend of mine is getting married in a couple of weeks and I am happy for her but really don't think much of the guy she is marrying. He has a 8? year old daughter from a previous relationship and he doesn't have anything to do with her. Maybe I am just being over sensitive but I just don't think that is on. My dad walked out on me and my sister when we were younger and I now have nothing to do with him. I know every situation is different but to me there is no excuse not to see your children. I think it really grates on me because my friend acts like he is the perfect man and talks about how she can't wait to have kids with him and blah blah blah. Maybe he should actually be a dad to the one he already has! Sorry has turned in to a bit of a rant.

Auschopper - not at all. I don't give a flying fig who's 'fault' it is. If it is the man who can't be arsed, I would not want to be with a man like tat so I would not start a relationship.

If it is the woman making things difficult, I still wouldn't want to be involved because I don't want to be caught in the middle of some ex with a grudge.

I probably come across as reall harsh. I don't mean to be though. I have a lot of respect for people who support their new partner through court proceedings and establishing contact with their children. I wouldn't be able to. I will admit I'm not mature enough. I'd do more damage than harm. I am eternally greatful that my partner is much more mature than me when it comes to my own ex.

I think honestly you need to talk to your dad, to find out why... and maybe he is thinking that it is a loosing battle and a bit scared to try.... I know that I am probably going to be the same... You do have a right to be upset, but it doesn't mean that your dad is the only one who has to make the effort, if you understand what I mean... I have never been in that situation, and haven't got any insight to how you are feeling... but all I can think about as a parent who doesn't have access to their child, I think it is important that you try and talk to your dad about it... He might have missed out on you growing up... but doesn't mean that he won't have a starting point to have a relationship with you....

I know for my son... that I love him.... and I do want to be part of his life... but that is going to have to be when he is old enough to understand what is going on, and how I did fight for him.

TheQeenOfDiamonds : I know what you mean..... I am very fortunate to have meet a new partner who has stood by me through this... and she has been absolutely fantastic... and the way that I look at it... is that if she can stand through this and still want to be with me, then she is the sort of person I want to be with for the rest of my life... In any relationship, once the going gets tough, you want to know that the person who you are with is going to stick by you no matter what... I guess, I am kind of the same, that if I want or like someone so much, I am going to be there no matter what... which I think is really important in any relationship... I am forever greatful that my partner has seen the person who I am deep down, and want to be with me... no matter what the crap... and think it has made us extremely stronger to be honest.. Partners I have had in the past, would go... buggar this, I am out of here...

It is all good... most people wouldn't want to get involved with crap if they can avoid it... I am just lucky that I have found someone that I know that I can count on when the shit really hits the fan... which is a lesson I have learnt along the way..

My dad has been given enough chances and have never once apologised for not being there for me. My mum has never stood in his way and he lived 30 mins away so has no excuse. He upset my sister by just turning up out of the blue after 3 years and acting like everything is fine. I don't want him in my life just because he is my dad. He could never be the father I want.

If you have time... jump on facebook and have a look at Separated Dads... you will see how often this happens, and how many of these "dads" who want to be fathers aren't allowed to.. It gives you a real insight to actually what happens, and it might help explain a few things.. other than... this bloke couldn't care about his other child... I know for a fact that I will never forget mine, and it is a story that happens more than you think...

I do think that parents who do use the child as a weapon is completely disgusting, and they should never ever be used in that way... As adults you should be able to come to some arrangement and put the child first in ever case... the trouble is, you have to have two adults in the mix who's primary focus is the child and not their own..

How do you know that your mum didn't stand in the way... is that what she said? Or did you father say that as well? There are two sides to every story, and you can't just hear one side and take it as gospel..

To be honest, I don't think he got a fair go... he did try, but got pushed away... so I guess he is thinking, geez, why am I going to fight if the kids don't want me in their life...

At the end of the day, it is your call... but honestly think you need to give him a fair go... maybe he won't be the father you want him to be, but you have to give him a fair go... or even give him the chance.. I would talk to him, get it out in the air, and see how you go... you never know, if you give him a chance he might at least have a chance of being the dad that you want..

I am going to tag out for now... night kids...

Auschopper - I'm glad you have found your partner. I agree with you, it hurt me very much when my ex took me to court over our daughter.

I gave him 50/50 access. I bent over backwards for him to have the relationship he wanted. In the end my own decenc backfired on me and I ended up being cornered into giving him residence. Initially he withheld her from me and I ended up doing a runner from chester zoo with her.

She stays with me at weekends. He has the damned cheek to insist I had her taken off me (funny how I'm apparently such a bad mother that I have had her "removed" from my care, yet social services have never had any concern whatsoever about my son?). I agreed to it of my own free will. And I have to put up with endless sexism that comes from being a mother and NRP, the disbelief from people, the judgements. But I'd do it again. It was best for my daughter. Fighting over her was delaying her medical needs. He would have seen her delayed by years in order to get what he wanted (despite already having 50/50 care). I wouldn't.

If I had been like some women and denied him access from the start, denied she was his, delayed court proceedings with false claims etc, he would have had to fight just for suopervised contact - the judge said so himself! He actually said to him "She is a more reasonable person than I am, the only reason I am even considering letting you have overnight contact after your actions (regarding the with holding of the child) is because she has allowed it herself. Accept her offer of 50/50 or else I will enforce contact and you will not get anywhere near what she is offering".

It was later that I ended up giving him residence. I've never slated his parenting. I never will. He is a good dad. He is just an aboslute arsehole towards me.

My dad left when I was 5. My sister and I went and stayed with him every other weekend until I was 12. He then moved 5 hours away. He would call once a week but then that stopped. My mum has never stopped him from seeing us and would get upset when she saw how upset we were when he stopped seeing us. There is absolutely nothing he could say to make me forgive him for the way he has acted. I haven't seen him for over 4 years and that is fine with me.