to ask my sister to hide her pregnancy?

[3kidsNapup]

Considering the way she got pregnant was to honey trap the father! They have one child already (but are not together) and she decided it wasn't fair that she didnt have a brother or sister so she got drunk to sleep with him but planned it so she was ovulating - obviously he knows nothing about her wicked plan.

I have a family function coming up and have told her I dont want it to be subject of converstaion (as totally embarrassed), AIBU????

A man damaging a condom to get a woman pregnant is not comparable to a man not wearing a condom. It would be comparable to a woman showing a man a birth control pill, putting it in her mouth, pretending to swallow and then spitting it out secretly.

I agree with Hecate here. Of course, if it was just the one she wouldn't need to spit it out.

What she planned didn't sound very nice at all, and I can understand you not feeling happy about it. It sounds very selfish.
Of course he should have taken responsibility for contraception though. He sounds a bit weak if he can be foooled that a woman who "can't stand him" wanted to sleep with him. He's either completely lacking in self esteem or doesn't care about her either.
It's done now though. Hiding her pregnancy won't change anything. She'll need support, and you can't do it for her, do it for the baby. It's not his/ her fault.

YABU obviously. You can't reasonably ask someone to hide their pregnancy, and while the circumstances sound less-than-ideal, that's between her and her ex (and it sounds like they both bear some responsibility for it, he should have used a condom if he didn't want to risk her getting pregnant).

are you jealous OP?

I don't think you should tell her to hide it - unless she's less than 12 weeks so you might want to suggest she keeps quiet until she's certain it's all ok.

Alternatively, so long as the 'family function' isn't centred on you, it could be possible to frame it as saying "look it's X's day, can you not announce your pregnancy until afterwards as I think if you do it'll take all the attention off X and onto you." Which is a perfectly acceptable reason to ask someone not to announce their pregnancy at someone else's event, but telling her it's because you're ashamed of how she got pregnant is not acceptable.

As others have said, she might have planned this, but if her Ex had acted in a responsible way, this wouldn't have happened. If he had turned her down, or worn a condom then there would be no pregnancy. He chose to have unprotected sex with his ex. He isn't a 'victim' here, he's just having to accept the consequences of his actions.

I have to agree with you to a certain extent. If she has planned this, both got drunk, she insists she is using contraception and they have a drunken shag resulting in a pregnancy. Of course in an ideal world he should've used a condom but maybe he had some trust in the mother of his child or maybe he was too pissed. Maybe he should never have trusted her in the first place- and should have treated her as a devious lying biatch.
Too many maybes to know what really happened.
YABU about the family thing however. It's up to her if she goes all Jerry Springer on the family. She'll only make herself look stupid.

This reminds me a bit of the Friends episode where they talk about "stealing each others thunder."
Regardless of how the circumstances of the pregnancy, I can understand one sibling wanting her event to be about her and not about her other sibling. Especially as it sounds like there will be a lot for people to, erm... discuss.

Ah, sisters!

What toomanydaisies said is how i read the situation.

I don't think the OP is "disowning" her sister or wanting her to hide the pregnancy forever, I think it's perhaps just to keep it quiet during this event so she doesn't "steal her thunder" so to speak.

What event is it though? If its not an event around her, birthday engagement or similar she has no thunder to complain about.

why this event?, or should she continue to hide the pregnancy then the child for all future events?

Send her off to a Magdalen Laundry..

Oh arthurfowler, you got there before me!

Surely if people ask her its for HER to answer with, not you? If its a family thing then why would they turn the shame to you. You're her sister not her mother & she is an adult. As are you. If you're concerned she'll shame you then dont bother going or talking to her at this event. Why cant you just be happy that shes happy? Is she capable of looking after this baby too? If so, dont give her grief.

Fucking hell

Your sister is having a baby - your niece or nephew. However she got pregnant, this is a new family member in your life. Deal with it, get over your snooty self and be happy.

Can't stand people who think everything has to be about them.

I'd go with telling everyone, and id be telling them the truth as well.

When my ds's are older, women like your sister are exactly the type of women I will be warning them of.

The OP sounds just like Liz Jones.

So if someone did that to your son you would be happy?

Are you actually his mother?

No I would not be happy if it was my son in this situation.

But that wasn't your AIBU. You asked if it would be reasonable to ask your sister to hide her pregnancy from relatives...and YABU!

Do you mean that you want her to hide the pregnancy at your 'function'?

If so, why are you inviting her when you obviously think so little of her?