to sometimes wonder what the point of being in one monogamous relationship forever is...

[Emlys]

if you don't have children?

Does there need to be a point?

nokidshere, there doesn't need to be a point exactly. I am just wondering what keeps you together, when you go through the bored, tough times that every marriage/long-term relationship has, when you are tempted to stray, when you have both changed over time.

DH and I have no DCs yet, and are considering never having them, and I'm just feeling a bit wobbly in a 'what if we get bored of it just being us' kind of way...

My friends have been married 25 years this year no children they don't look bored they have a fab life go where they want when they want no children to worry about not that im or anything

:) Mrsjay

I should be clear, I am not implying that people with kids are just staying together 'for the kids' - not at all! Just that having children gives you that family structure and shared direction and so might make it easier, in a way, to see the point in staying together when times are tough.

It's a reasonable question, because no doubt many couples who aren't well suited, or who go through the difficult phases of marriage DO stick together because of the kids. And I believe the time when the kids grow up and leave home is a pressure point in many marriages precisely because there is that feeling of 'the kids are off our hands, we don't need to be together any more.

To answer the question, I think it's a sense of not wanting to lose the other person out of your life, continuing to find shared passions and interests, that sense of a shared past, the social network of friends you build together, and the care and love you feel towards eachother.

I see your point, I too think it's a reasonable question.

I think it is just not wanting to completely lose that person from your life, that you might never meet someone else who measures up perhaps?

Because there's more to life than one night stands?

There are quite a few other options between one night stands and staying with one person forever StunningCunt! Other fulfilling relationships, being single etc.

emmie and Sneaky, you put it really well.

Because yous get to spend loads of time together, do whatever you want whenever you want, have great fun together and not want to share him for 2 seconds with anything else!

My marriage is just me & husband and it's brilliant, we adore each other.
Parents relationships in the first few years seem to be stressful, pressurising, drudgery, poo wiping up, sleep deprived, resentful etc.
It seems to be something to endured rather than enjoyed.

Maybe they stay together because they do not have children?

maybe because they love each other or feel no desire to split or to have an open relationship?

I dont have children, but we have been married now for almost ten years, and are very happy, and hopefully will continue to be so for the rest of our lives.

I dont believe people should stay together if they are unhappy, children or not.

I would also say, that as you get older, if you are happy and settled, you dont get bored with each other, life may not be a whirlwind of social activity, but it is quite comforting to be with someone who knows every part of you, and who you know inside and out too.

I think it's a reasonable question too, however, I do think the children bit is a red herring. You either love each other and want to stay together, or you don't. We love being a family (children are grown up now), but love being a couple too.

I suspect SGB will roll up soon and put forward her views on monogamy.

LOL Ruby. It's certainly true that if a relationship has any cracks at it all they will be widened by the arrival of children.

Serial monogamy is becoming much more commonplace now that people are living longer. 'Til death us do part' only used to mean mid-40s at one point in history of course.

Each to their own I say. One person's blissful relationship is another's purgatory.

I see your point OP.
When hard times strike in a relationship, there are moments when one ponders over the fact it may be easier to leave and start again.

I would like to say couples stay together because of mutual love and fondness, but would be naive to deny cultural and financial pressures don't play a role.

Having children does strengthen the bond emotionally and pragmatically.
I have always thought the point of marriage, or long term cohabitation is to raise children in a secure, stable environment. However have seen so many single parents do a fabulous job and so many long term warring partners mess it up so have started being on the fence

I think the OP is worded rather badly tbh. I can read into that that you think my marriage is pointless as I've no kids.

Do you mean if the relationship is sour and there's no kids?

AgathaFusty yes, I think you're right, the children question is a red herring. Thank you all for your POVs, it's helping me to clarify things in my head.

personwithcharmingswearyname if I thought your marriage is pointless then I would also think my own is pointless, as we have no kids either. The OP was rather short I know, but I did go on to explain in later posts.

I think if you feel like that now children would only make that feeling orse not better. It 'can' be even more boring when children come along. You can't always be spontanious anymore, sex can be reguarly interrupted, you will often be literally stuck in the house stuck in a routine.

The point of a monogonous relationship, to me, is the feeling of closeness, not feeling the need to be with someone else because you've found someone that fullfills you. Personally I'm not sure I would ever get bored of being in love. You might have periods of boredness but the longer you're together the more special it all is imo.

It's about having a foundation. Having one person you can always trust to support you no matter what. Someone who will love you warts and all and won't turn away in horror when things start to sag and get lines. But as a foundation, a long-term monogamous relationship allows you to do other things secure in the knowledge that someone has your back.

In theory I have my doubts now.