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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off at DS's nursery?

109 replies

JollyHockeyStick · 23/07/2012 19:25

Ds goes to nursery one full day a week on a Monday from 07:30 until 17:00. He is 15 months. I drop him off in the morning and DH picks him up.

DS has two naps a day. A half hour one at 09:30 and a longer one at 2pm ish. Nursery have this written down and fully explained in great detail.

2 weeks ago he refused his morning nap at nursery. That day I got home very early from work and picked DS up at 1. I had told nursery I'd be doing this when I dropped them off. They told me they'd put him down for his morning nap but he had refused to sleep. Fair enough, these things happen, I said, we have tried moving him to one nap but he's not ready so we're keeping him on two until he's a bit older.

Last week I got home and had a read of his nursery book. He only had one nap, 1.5 hours at 12:30. Dh says they didn't mention anything to him at pick up time.

Today I get home to discover that DS is ridiculously tired and has only slept half an hour all day, from 13:05. They apparently mentioned to DH that he hadn't slept well but that was all.

AIBU to be pissed off that they have taken it upon themselves to change DS's routine after being specifically told that it was that way for a reason?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 23/07/2012 20:19

Children get exhausted at nursery. DS is always knackered when he comes home, that doesn't mean he isn't happy and safe at nursery

scottishmummy · 23/07/2012 20:20

yes and exhausted is usually good
you know the activities
not being glued to your routine

I positively pay and pray for exhausted

K999 · 23/07/2012 20:22

If you pay for him to be happy, he's maybe enjoying himself so much that he doesn't want to sleep at nursery......

Original poster
JollyHockeyStick · 23/07/2012 20:24

Sirzy, I don't expect them to sit with him. And I would be very surprised if he screamed. If they put him down not tired I would think he would chat to himself and his toy but not sleep.

I'm a bit surprised that they didn't mention to either parent if there was an issue. I would have expected them to say 'your son won't sleep anymore/this doesn't fit in with our routine' etc. I'd feel the same way if they stopped giving him a meal without telling us, or decided that it would be better for him to sleep in a buggy rather than a cot.

OP posts:
COCKadoodledooo · 23/07/2012 20:24

YABU. Nursery is not home, things will be different. I'm just jealous that nursery get ds2 to kip at all during the day, he won't at home Hmm

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 23/07/2012 20:24

Being tired because you've had a fun day is nothing to worry about surely?

pigletmania · 23/07/2012 20:24

My goodness you are going to have to accept that things are different at nursery, it's only once a week. Hey babies are knakering they dont always do as you tell them. What is te point of putting a Todd,er who is not tired to sleep, they won't. They have to go by the baby and if he is tired they will put him to sp like they have done, unfortunately it's not within your allotted time Hmm

pigletmania · 23/07/2012 20:25

Meant sleep silly I pad

JarethTheGoblinKing · 23/07/2012 20:26

YABU. He will adapt to their schedule and it will be fine. If he's that tired surely he will just fall asleep!

Sirzy · 23/07/2012 20:26

There is a big difference between not putting a child to sleep when they aren't tired and not feeding a child.

Fillybuster · 23/07/2012 20:27

OP, I've been there, really, I have. And routine was important to me, so I had a full-time nanny for dcs1 and 2, because I wanted to know that they were getting proper sleeps, meals, 1:1 attention etc when I was working. And that was great, and they had 2 proper sleeps a day (although 9.30 is a little early for a first sleep, surely? What the heck time do you start your days????) right through to 18 months and beyond.

All well and good.

DC3, for various reasons, goes to nursery full time. She loves it. She had 2 sleeps a day some days when she started (at 10 months) but has been down to a maximum of 1 (and some days none) since about 14 months. She's fine. If she's properly tired, she'll have a 1.5 hour sleep. If she's not, she won't. On the whole, she makes it through to bedtime by 7, although some days she's a little grizzly. She's happy, she has loads of friends, adores the nursery staff and is developmentally way ahead in many ways of where her siblings were at.

You makes your choices and you pays your price, as someone once said. If you really don't want your ds to be exhausted, and the sleep thing is so important to you, then don't send him to nursery (or maybe work out why he's so tired at 9.30 in the morning....if he's waking at 5, maybe that's something you need to work on, not the nursery?)

scottishmummy · 23/07/2012 20:27

are you happy for son to attend nursery?
can you accept they will do things differently
in your absence theyre in charge

whois · 23/07/2012 20:28

Wow. YABU.

holyfishnets · 23/07/2012 20:28

Actually you do know what your kids needs are. Simply remind nursery of his sleep times. Ask them to leve him for five mins to see if he settles. If he really has given up his early sleep tell them he will need one really long sleep.

I had a very routined first born. My next two were a bit more free flow but that only really suited the youngest.

minceorotherwise · 23/07/2012 20:28

Being at home and being at nursery is very different. He isn't going to be as comfortable in that environment and they don't know him as well as you do.
They should have told you though, absolutely.

SilkySmith · 23/07/2012 20:29
  1. you cannot decide how many naps your LO will have, if you could mine would still be napping and it wouldn't be a distant memories (he dropped all naps at 18 months. Nursery naps got dropped first then home naps, nobody, not me not the nursery staff could prevent this! You might be able to force naps at home for a few weeks after they are naturally dropping them, but not at nursery with all the exciting things they could be doing otherwise
  1. Its harder to nap at nursery because there's so much fun that they don't want to miss out on all the hussle and bussle
  1. an exhasuted LO at the end of a day at nursery is the desired effect!
  1. THEY didn't change your DS's routine, your DS did! you can't always control these things!
Original poster
JollyHockeyStick · 23/07/2012 20:30

He gets up about 6:45.

Just realised why I'm do irrationally upset. Having my first period for more than 2 years. That explains a LOT.

OP posts:
Krumbum · 23/07/2012 20:31

Yabu. You say you think he isn't ready to have less naps but the nursery are actually looking after him day in day out so they know more about his needs. If he's not tired they can't force him to sleep and if he's not tired then he doesn't need two naps. what do you expect them to do?

Original poster
JollyHockeyStick · 23/07/2012 20:31

So, not do.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 23/07/2012 20:31

and realistically op should have executed nursery to differ from home
and her son to react differently in nursery
it's not necessarily sign of disruption,maybe he doesn't want to sleep likes nursery and stimulation

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 23/07/2012 20:32

Oooo that could be it op! Grin

Original poster
JollyHockeyStick · 23/07/2012 20:32

Actually krum, they look after him one day a week. I am with him the other 6. I think it likely that I know him better than they do.

OP posts:
SilkySmith · 23/07/2012 20:33

you know his needs at home best
they know his needs at nursery better then you
LOs often are quite happy but do things very differently at nursery to at home, the different routine they fall into at nursery doesn't disrupt their home days

LingDiLong · 23/07/2012 20:34

OP, whilst I agree with the others that he won't realistically be keeping to his usual routine, I don't think there's anything wrong with asking them to persist with trying the morning nap for a bit longer. Just because he missed it once it doesn't mean he is going to never have it. But be prepared for the fact that it probably won't work...

iknowwho · 23/07/2012 20:34

YABU PFB and a bit bonkers tbh.

If you want him to have his two naps a day stay at home and sort it out yourself.
If you want the nursery to do the best they can, bearing in mind they have probably handled more babies than you ever will, let them get on with it while you go to work.

You can't set a timer on a baby and let it go off at a certain time and make it sleep. You should know that.