to be pissed off at DS's nursery?

[JollyHockeyStick]

Ds goes to nursery one full day a week on a Monday from 07:30 until 17:00. He is 15 months. I drop him off in the morning and DH picks him up.

DS has two naps a day. A half hour one at 09:30 and a longer one at 2pm ish. Nursery have this written down and fully explained in great detail.

2 weeks ago he refused his morning nap at nursery. That day I got home very early from work and picked DS up at 1. I had told nursery I'd be doing this when I dropped them off. They told me they'd put him down for his morning nap but he had refused to sleep. Fair enough, these things happen, I said, we have tried moving him to one nap but he's not ready so we're keeping him on two until he's a bit older.

Last week I got home and had a read of his nursery book. He only had one nap, 1.5 hours at 12:30. Dh says they didn't mention anything to him at pick up time.

Today I get home to discover that DS is ridiculously tired and has only slept half an hour all day, from 13:05. They apparently mentioned to DH that he hadn't slept well but that was all.

AIBU to be pissed off that they have taken it upon themselves to change DS's routine after being specifically told that it was that way for a reason?

YABU

DD could quite easily have three hours nap here a day whereas when she goes to nursery she can very often have half hour all day. Thats the day everything gets brought forward and she goes to bed earlier. And for a person for whom "routine" is their most important word (i.e. me) I found this difficult but she has survived for many a month doing this and so have we. She still sleeps through the night and catches up when she's with me.

Agree with what others have said, there is far more exiting things that she wants to do, I also found I made a rod for my own back at home by keeping it too quiet when she was napping and have a thought the reason she doesn't sleep so well at nursery is because it is too noisy.

But she survives and its not the end of the world. I know nursery try and stick to her routine but if she doesn't want to sleep when they put her down there is no point leaving her there crying keeping the other children awake.

Don't get het up about it. Nursery is a completely different environment and it is likely that he won't stick to the same routine. Yes he will be very tired when you pick him up but it isn't the end of the world. DS2 is 14 months and a sleep refuser at nursery, as DS1 was (DD was fine). On a good day he'll sleep for 45mins, a bad day not at all. As long as they provide him the opportunity to sleep when he wants to that's all I ask. Often he just has a little cuddle and a read of a book while he recharges his batteries and he's off again. And I know the nursery nurses prefer to respond to the children than stick to a routine that the child is blatantly not going to follow. Think of the routine as a guide for the staff to help read his cues but really the important thing is that he can sleep if he wants and gets cuddled if he needs it.

I love routines.

I love Gina Ford's book.

And, even she says, routines are there to serve you and not to master you.

One full day of nursery is completely different to what he does the rest of the week. No wonder he doesn't settle to sleep well there. Too much excitement, too much going on. One day out of his routine will do no harm. The benefit of a routine is to have something to fall back on. I know, because I follow a routine with DS, that I can manage a few days out of the routine because at home he'll go straight back to it.

My DS is 14 months and up until recently had 2 naps at home and 1 at nursery (and hes there 4 times a week). They tried putting him down for ages for a morning sleep but he would rarely nap. I think it was just too noisey as at that time there is lots going on whilst after lunch they all sleep so hes not missing out and its a lot quieter. If a baby doesnt want to sleep they won't. One day of being shattered isnt really a big deal. My DS had 4 days of it and used to spend half of Friday asleep at home! The tranistion from 2 naps to 1 is tricky anyway.My DS could still do with 2 naps ( a short and a long one) but wont have 2 naps at home now,he will only now sleep for a long one. Not much i can do about it. So i would cut the nursery some slack, they probably tried to put him down but he wouldnt sleep,why dont you just ask them! if they arent trying ask them too and if he continues not to nap just accept he only has 1 nap there.

YABU. What are the nursery expected to do if he won't sleep? Hold him down and force him?

Sorry yabu. I think your expectations of nursery are a bit high
I was pathetically grateful my child was alive and smiling when I picked him up
Granted that's taking it a bit far though

uurgh, i did this - but worse!

I was so PFB about dd when she first went to nursery, when i read her daily reports and realised she wasnt keeping to her nap routine i actually spent a day in the nursery attempting to enforce our home nap routine - of course this was a disaster! The nursery staff were beyond accommodating and patient but i just know they must have wet themselves when i admitted defeat and accepted dd wasnt going to nap when she usually did. I left with my tail between my legs and accepted that i couldnt control dd's nursery routine to that extent.

Another loopy aibu thread from a control freak You're not currently planning a wedding are you, op?

YABU they can't make him sleep.

Be gratefull he naps at all.... My twin boys stopped ALL daytime naps a day after their first birthday. They were up from 630am till 7-730pm every day

Yabu, around this age ds naturally transition into one longer nap. How exactly do you expect them to force him to sleep. Ds knows where his bed is a nursery and goes whenever he is ready. he is on one 2 hour nap now.
They didn't force him. Babies don't know they should stick to a routine. They don't read the same books we do. :)

YABU. What exactly do you expect them to do with a child that does not want to sleep? Do you honestly think the environment at nursery is the same as home?

Thank you.

He missed his morning nap once at nursery and now they don't try to put him down for it, despite being told that we will still be doing 2 naps. I wouldn't have minded so much if they'd continued trying.

But fair enough, I take your points and am feeling calmer about the whole thing now.

I understand that you're annoyed. I hate struggling with tired kids, but you're going to need to find a solution so you need to speak to nursery, be honest, but listen to what they have to say and be prepared to be flexible.

We're not in the UK, so I don't know what the norm is there but at the nurseries snd pre-schools our DDs have attended they have their own routines and timing, and though not rigid, have only really made exceptions during the settling in period. We live our days off and weekends around the nursery (ish) timings instead !!

at Princess We all have our own PFB moments, think there is a thread in classics with many amusing ones.

OP YABU You can't force a baby to sleep (if you could we would all have done it!). Just accept the routine is different at nursery to home.

in your absence nursery staff are in charge.nursery doesn't replicate home
you need to accept this they won't do it your way,and with other kids and tasks they won't try for as long as you would.
and if there is fun activities going on he probably wants to participate

YABU

The child's needs and wants override parental preferences; if it was the other way round and you wanted no afternoon sleep but your baby was tired then the staff would accommodate his needs.

And how exactly is one to enforce a sleep?

I found it hard when my DDs went to nursery as they did not sleep as well and were usually put down to sleep with the other little ones at the same time. It is just not possible for nurseries to operate otherwise- but it does leave us parents picking up exhausted little ones at the end of the day :(

nursery cannot possibly replicate home
your child fits in with nursery to an extent
and exhausted dc yes please that's what one pays for,surely?

I don't want them to enforce sleeping, I want them to try putting him in the cot in the morning! That's a bit different from forcing him to sleep.

I am definitely not planning a wedding. And we don't use GF.

princess that's so funny.

Op my ds won't sleep at nursery he is like a whirling dervish when I get him.

I think you should relax a bit on the nursery day, he probably just finds it all too exciting like my ds.

Also if the child sees everyone else lying down and going to sleep at 12.30, then would you really want the staff to try to keep yours awake against his will, if he was copying them?

Apart from being impossible - even at 3.9 my ds usually doesn't nap but often at nursery will have a nap despite the staff trying to discourage it.

So you want them to but a baby who isn't tired into the cot? Then what? Leave him to cry? ignore him until he falls asleep? sit with him for hours until he drops off?

You need to be realistic.

you need to accept things will be different at nursery
maybe son won't want to sleep
maybe he wants to be with staff and kids participating etc

And no, I really don't want an exhausted DS. I pay for them to keep him happy and safe while I work