to ask that my dad doesn't do this

[two2blackcats]

My dad has my DDs 2 days a week and when the weather has been nice which admittedly hasn't been often he takes them to a sort of sprinkler fountain in the city centre, and has them run around naked.

I really, really don't like it and have asked him not to but he just gets huffy and thinks I am being ridiculous.

AIBU? I probably am but I can't help how I feel about it.

"When the sad fact is that anywhere in public they may well get filmed or photographed without your knowledge, & those photos would then get used by paedophiles. "

I think it's very sad that people allow imaginary paedophiles to stop their DCs enjoying being free.

I find it hard to believe that paedophiles are in fact taking pictures of DCs playing on the beach. I would imagine that the DCs who appear in child porn are sadly those who are actually being abused, and are less tame in their content than a child playing on the beach.

But, even if they are taking pictures of my DS. How does that actually affect me - or my son? So what if they take a picture? I'll never know and it won't make a difference to our lives.

However making sure DS is covered up at all times, gets a complex about neing naked, never gets an opportunity to splash in water when his idiot parents didn't think ahead to pack swimmers, and never hets a chance to run free an dnaked. These things actually do make a difference to his life.

Stuff the paedophiles. Letting DS run naked on the beach isn't actually him at any risk - why should I let an imagined fear of them taking pictures them spoil his fun?!

It's been said already but the paedophile fear is a red herring here. The real issue is the OP's father's lack of respect for her as a adult and a parent. If it wasn't this, I imagine it would be some other issue where he could enjoy showing what a rebel he is and how he knows better than her (again).

The OP is being a bit silly though IMO.

I feel sorry for the dad.

If my DS has issues with his DCs being naked if/when he's a dad I won't take him seriously. Sorry but I would think it very silly of him. I hope I bring him up less narrow-minded than that though!

"Doesn't matter what some random person on the internet feels about whether children should or shouldn't run around in public naked.

Nor should you have to justify to these randoms or your father why you dont like it. They are your children and so you get the final say and if he cant respect that then he shouldn't be taking them out without you."

That ^^

It's nothing to do with what her views are on naked children. It's about the op garnering some respect from her father.

I feel for you op I really do, it looks like I am going to end up in a similar situation with my mother.

I wish I had an easy solution.

If my DS has issues with his DCs being naked if/when he's a dad I won't take him seriously.

I hope to God that seeing that written down makes you think.

The arrogance required to dismiss someone's views as "silly" is staggering.

Sadly if, like my mother, this is your natural mindset I fear it is impossible to change.

I wouldn't be happy if this was my kids really. Different thing if they're running naked in the garden or on a beach but in the middle of a city centre? I walk past the fountain in question most days, I've never noticed any other naked kids I'm afraid, at the very least surely the 3 year old will become self-conscious sooner rather than later? The only consolation is that there's only been a couple of days this year that it's been hot enough to do it anyway!

aufaniae So you expect to be able to dismiss any of your son's preferences about them that you don't agree with? Really?

I would hope that I'd be able to be honest with him about what I think, and that our relationship is such that he can engage with me about things we disagree about without it being an issue in our relationship.

This is the kind of relationship I have with my own parents and it works for us. I disagree with them about lots of things (but agree with them about the fundamentals, thankfully), but I don't feel dismissed if they disagree with me. We enjoy the debate I guess.

I hope he'll be educated, confident and open minded enough to be able to question his own behaviours and beliefs and recognise the affect of cultural conditioning. (For example getting uptight about nakedness).

I'll certainly listen to his point of view, but it'll take a lot of persuading for me to not think it's silly if he's got a problem with children being naked! Because I do think it's silly, and I'm not going to pretend I don't!

*effect.

Round of applause for aufaniae

:) thanks catgirl!

I do think that the op has issues with her father's behaviour and that is for them to sort.
I am very concerned though, by the fear of nudity here. We have the highest teen pregnancy rate in Europe and part of the reason is becuase the brits are so wound up about sex and nudity. There is nothing wrong with a naked child running around having fun.

I think rather than accuse the OP of being uptight or prudish or whatever other kind of shaming vocab we decide on to be laid-backier-than-thou, we think about bodies and who owns them.

The OP has said that she felt bad when her parents made her run around naked as a child, that she was ashamed and felt exposed, and felt taunted by "what's wrong with you? why can't you relax? Nothing wrong with a child being naked!" ... and therefore ashamed twice over, once by the sense that she shouldn't be naked, once by the sense that she shouldn't feel what she was feeling about this unwelcome nudity. Who are we to say "oh loosen up, OP" when this is something she feels very strongly and wants to protect her children from that experience?

I seriously doubt that swim nappies on toddlers, or their lack, are going to seriously affect teen pregnancy rates.
Talking to our children about the fact that they own their bodies, they decide what to do with them, and other people's feelings about bodies deserve some tactful consideration ... that might help.

I have no issues with children being naked in public. I don't really mind adults being naked in public in many situations either, although I can see why many people wouldn't want to see naked 'cavorting' in a city centre fountain.

But as many PPs have been trying to point out, the issue is that the OP did feel uncomfortable when her parents made her go naked in public as a child, and she wants to spare her own children the same. It is her right as a parent to do this, and it's not weird of her to want to.

OP, I feel sorry for you. If you can't make your father respect your wishes you have no choice but to limit your daughters' visits to the granddad. I hope you can make him see your point of view.

aufanie, catgirl - it's offensive that you are actually implying that i'm lying.

I would suggest that you speak to any police officer, or attend a child protection course. You won't bother of course.

But the fact is that paedophiles are there, in public places, taking photos of naked children if the opportunity is there.
You clearly don't care if photos of your children are taken & used by paedophiles; but your children surely have the right to be protected from that very real possibility by you??

In an ideal world there would be no problem with children running round naked, but this isn't that ideal world.

I'm sorry but I think it affects my child's life more if I encourage him to feel ashamed of being naked, and deny him the fun of running about in the nude, more than it hurts him if someone takes pictures of him without our knowledge.

One is very real and affects him directly. The other one has no effect on him whatsoever (I don't even have any way of knowing if it happened or not!)

(I appreciate that this isn't what the OP is worried about)

Yanbu I do not like the I
dea of it either.

YANBU at all. I agree with you in not being comfortable about the public nakedness - it is just not necessary and I get tired of people going on about how great it is for children to run naked and free but the main thing is that YOU are the one who is supposed to be making decisions on what is okay for your children to do, not your dad. Just the fact he is constantly ignoring your wishes and overruling your instructions would piss me right off, especially over something like this.

I'm not implying you are lying Latara. What a strange thing to conclude.

I am saying that you are, in my opinion, over estimating the danger and allowing media hype to affect your world view. I am also saying that you are allowing the existence of peadophiles to alter the way you treat your children in a way that I am not comfortable doing.

How you act with your children is entirely up to you. I am not suggesting you change it. It's just not the way I will bring mine up.

Wow latara that does seem a little paranoid; seeing pedophiles behind every corner.

Aren't most kids abused by someone known to them? So really you should be more worried about your family or friends taking inappropriate photos.

Two ISHOOS here. (1) the OP didn't like being naked for whatever reason and is now projecting this onto her kids and (2) the poor relationship between her and her dad.

I think it is nice for people to be comfortable with their bodies and enjoy them, and kids innocence in this should be cherished.

But if the OP really doesn't like it then it hardly seems worth falling out over and it wouldn't kill the dad to keep them in pants.

aufania I agree with what you said - but if the issue was really important to your DS, wouldn't you comply with his wishes despite letting him know you thought he was being silly?

I think its lovely when children can run around naked and free but i don't think the place you have described is particularly appropriate, although I've never been there so what do i know.

I also think though that should be careful that you don't pass on your issue of feeling ashamed and embarrassed about being naked in public onto your children. Its your issue, not there's. You were embarrassed but they are clearly not. Perhaps it would be good to remember that they are not you and are so far not feeling how you did as a child.

That said though if the place really is how it sounds then your dad should just let the kids get soaked and then change their clothes. You may need to be very assertive with him!

Why would you want your dcs to feel comfortable naked in public? Would you want them to feel comfortable pooing in public?! Somethings are perfect in the right setting but not everywhere. I want my DD to feel comfortable naked at home, but not in public.

I think people are giving 'ideal world' advice rather than what they'd do in real life with their own kids. Children do not need to be running around naked at a shopping centre to prove the parents are liberal!!

Sigh....

Ok i know i'm quite paranoid, i do have MH probs & so i'm sorry that i concluded that you all thought i'm lying.
Sadly i don't have my own children right now but when i do, they will be taught to cover up round strangers & family & friends.
I know very well through mine & friends' personal experiences that many children are abused / treated inappropriately etc by family friends / neighbours / teachers / family members...

No, i haven't listened to 'media hype' because i'm intelligent enough to recognise media hype when i see it.

But i have heard the experiences of friends & colleagues who have worked or who currently work in: the police, schools, as beach lifeguards - & they have given many examples of paedophiles who are seen &/or caught trying to photograph children - they talk about this because they get very frustrated by the fact that these people constantly get away with it or get very light sentences if caught.

I'm aware that i need to be careful myself not to get too paranoid; hopefully my own MH problems can get sorted soon & so when i do have children they won't get affected by my issues IYSWIM.

But no, any children i have or care for won't be allowed to run around naked; I'm quite liberal in a lot of ways but that is not one of them.

The OP's issue is mainly one of control where her father is concerned; he needs to accept she's an adult & listen to & respect her wishes.
Like i said before - if he doesn't respect wishes her on this issue then he's unlikely to listen to her on any other issues regarding the way she wants to bring up her children.

So she needs him to understand that he should listen to her & not ignore her.

googie its not so much being comfortable being naked in public (especially somewhere inappropriate) but more trying not to teach them they their bodies are something to be ashamed of. Its a very fine line.