to ask that my dad doesn't do this

[two2blackcats]

My dad has my DDs 2 days a week and when the weather has been nice which admittedly hasn't been often he takes them to a sort of sprinkler fountain in the city centre, and has them run around naked.

I really, really don't like it and have asked him not to but he just gets huffy and thinks I am being ridiculous.

AIBU? I probably am but I can't help how I feel about it.

dreaming of summer, i just did a child protection course. they told us things id rather not know.

lovebunny, that post is just jaw-droppingly crass and inappropriate.

Oh come on, that's a bit of a leap. Maybe he's just a loving grandad who likes to be seen as a rulebreaker

Lovebunny - every single post of yours I've seen on Mumsnet is either madly inappropriate or rude or offensive.

In fact I'm reporting.

yeah sorry lovebunny he is a pain in the arse at times but that post - well, it's nothing like that, at all, and my dad's friends are lovely, mostly. :(

It isn't that he's an old hippy either my dad is hard to describe. He does things his way - fundamentally he's quite selfish to be honest.

Lovebunny I'm reporting you. You complain about things being inappropriate and all the time you make wildly inappropriate and inflammatory remarks.

he's not all that great, two2blackcats, or he wouldn't go against your wishes. and he gets your children naked, which is not his right. and he acts superior to you.
you don't know that there aren't people really 'enjoying' seeing your children in the fountains, and,if he's as straightforward as you say, nor does he.

reports him to social services

If i take the call, my answer will be that mine were just the same, as said in my post.

"I DO think pervs frequent places where children are naked actually"

Crosby beach, or New Brighton would be a better bet.

proudnscary Lovebunny - every single post of yours I've seen on Mumsnet is either madly inappropriate or rude or offensive.

then you should read more of them. mostly i'm as sweet as can be. some things make me very cross. this is one of them.

just following through a line of thought. why don't you do the same, instead of imagining that everything is right, when it clearly isn't?

Can you get your partner to be with you when you speak to him about it? It sounds as if he thinks you should just do as he says, even though you're now an adult, but he might take more notice - wrong-headed though it is - of your daughters' father having a word.

send a pack of clean underwear with them, and let them enjoy themselves. There is one of these types of fountain in Kingston and the kids have an absolute ball running around in them... I would love to do it myself on days like this!

I have seen kids in there fully clothed, and kids who are naked, and they are just kids, having fun. There are perverts all over the place.. so long as you or the person in charge of your children is making sure that they are not approached, then your children are safe. Your kids are not going to be hurt or affected by anyone seeing them naked. I know it isnt a pleasant thought that someone may be looking at them, but it happens at swimming pools, beaches, and parks.. there is no point in shielding your children away to avoid someone being able to look at them.

Good idea to report lovebunny's post, people.

Good idea re the girls' father speaking his mind about the situation, Eighties.

Lovebunny, I didn't say he was great. He isn't. He's a complete pain in the arse a lot of the time, but he is NOT charging his friends money to see my DDs naked. Can you not see the difference between criminal, evil activity and thoughtless, selfish activity?

Eighties that's a good suggestion. DH is very of the attitude "oh well, never mind eh" but I need to nag I think!

yes, two2, i can, and i am glad you can be confident in him. you know him, i don't. but i have worked for a long time with children who are abused, as well as with those who aren't, and i know how common it is and how such people link together. it probably has nothing at all to do with your dad.

but if you want your children in clothes in public, he should go along with that. why not put them in shorts and tshirts and tell him that you don't mind if they get wet?

"i know how common it is and how such people link together."

Not out of the blue, though, when they become a GF, i doubt if there had been instances of peodophilia in the OP's childhood, she would be leaving the children with him, at all.

We don't all pimp out our GC's, because we grew up in a different time when kids ran round naked.

two2 So you are going to have to stand up to your Dad, you have no other option.

You need to acknowledge that you understand he loves his GD, but that whatever he thinks about it, you are uncomfortable with your children being naked in public and he needs to accept that you are the parent and have the final say.

In the nicest possible way, sugar coat it as much as you can, give him an ultimatum and stand firm. He needs to be on his last warning and if he goes against your wishes again your DC will be going to nursery, which would be sad for every one.

Not out of the blue, though, when they become a GF, i doubt if there had been instances of peodophilia in the OP's childhood, she would be leaving the children with him, at all.
in this case you are probably right. but there are cases where a dominant and/or abusive parent retains power over his or her adult children, and is allowed access that people who are not damaged, cowed, still seeking parental approval, would allow. and as for 'not out of the blue', perhaps not usually or always, but sometimes, yes, 'out of the blue' as far as the parent of the abused child is concerned.

For heaven's sake lovebunny, you've already had one post deleted, let it go.

My kids used to run around the street naked or just in pants when they were tiny, but that was in a cul de sac where everyone had kids and all of them were naked/minimally clothed. In fact one small boy would leap out of his mothers car after preschool and run up the street shedding clothes as he ran so by the time he got to our paddling pool he was butt naked.
In a busy city centre though it would be a different matter, I would insist on pants at all times. Everything else except breasts which small girls don't have anyway, is readily on show in all city centres, by adults. At least where I live!

Your Dad should listen to you, OP, or he is being dismissive of you & disrespecting the fact you are an adult with your own views & opinions.
It's like he's still seeing you as his 'little girl' & your DDs almost as his children by default too.
He needs to accept that you have grown up & his grandchildren are actually your responsibility.

It's great that he likes to take your DDs out, for both him & the children.
But it's unfair of him to not follow the boundaries set by you.

It's almost like he's trying to prove a point & show that he's in charge even though you are an adult.
I have found that a lot of middle aged men like to prove that they 'know best' to younger women (even when they must know they are wrong). It can be very irritating!!
Next it could be that he disagrees with you over food choices or sleep routines (for example) - & if he gets away with ignoring you over the fountain issue; then he will ignore you in future over other stuff.

So you need to sit down together, with someone to mediate if possible! Tell him straight; draw up ground rules & write them down for him to sign.

IMO - your Dad (& some posters here) are being very naive re: allowing children of any age to go out naked anywhere:

I live near beaches; have friends who are beach lifeguards, ex-lifeguards, & policemen...
There are lots of paedophiles who visit public places where children are likely to be naked or semi-naked; & then film them.

I remember that the beach lifeguards would hear reports of a man obviously photographing / filming a strangers' children; they used to be seen (& caught sometimes) with cameras with long lenses - sadly even if convicted the sentences are exceptionally lenient. so they would get a kicking instead.
There are known local men who do this & the police get so angry because paedophiles who film children rarely get punished properly.

The problem is that paedophiles can now send then delete images over the internet from their cameras immediately; so evidence & safe convictions are even harder to get.

So i would never let children, even toddlers, out without some clothing to cover them up.

eally suprised by how many people think its inappropriate for kids to be naked