to ask that my dad doesn't do this

[two2blackcats]

My dad has my DDs 2 days a week and when the weather has been nice which admittedly hasn't been often he takes them to a sort of sprinkler fountain in the city centre, and has them run around naked.

I really, really don't like it and have asked him not to but he just gets huffy and thinks I am being ridiculous.

AIBU? I probably am but I can't help how I feel about it.

YANBU to want them covered at least a little - many people don't like their child being naked.

I think YAB a little U about not changing in public - but I would perhaps suggest those poncho towels as a compromise?

I guess if it's a big no no for you then you will have to be firm - that your DF respects your wishes or DD's attend nursery.

Send a change of clothes and ask that he uses them.

That's just it youarekidding - pants/nappy would be fine but I don't want bums/private parts out. I do feel embarrassed on their behalf, silly maybe, but my dad and my mum constantly did this to me as a kid and I did feel self conscious and hated it!

I think i'm going to have to send them to nursery. Sigh.

DD2 is easy - buy a reusuable swim nappy to avoid unfortunate accidents.

DD1- Ask him to put something on her.

It's sad that your dad doesn't think it important to respect your wishes, though lovely that he wants to look after the children. Can you sit him down and go through all the stuff you appreciate him doing, and then say that just this one thing really bothers you and could you pack some changes of clothing so they can still do an activity they enjoy but respect your wishes at the same time?

I was just about to put the same thing as Dany- your children, your rules!

It's so difficult. My Dad has always had a way of making me feel like a complete idiot to be honest (hence I asked on here first!) It's only really occurred to me as I've been typing but all my life my Dad has rather enjoyed breaking conventions and doing things that defy tradition. Not in any huge way don't get me wrong, he wouldn't do something like fart at a funeral ;) but just slightly strange things that tease and annoy strait-laced people.

I grew up in a very conservative working class area and I was bullied quite badly at school because my parents made me 'different' and I suppose I dread the same for my DDs and it's little things like this where my Dad's attitude is "what? it's hot!" but it isn't - I suspect he'd love to be challenged on it so that he could insist how innocent and harmless it is. Well maybe but I'd still rather he didn't do it!

Can you have one last talk with him and point out that if he keeps ignoring your wishes, how can you trust him with them generally, since you can't trust his word? If that doesn't work I would say you want to put them in nursery.
I wouldn't bother about getting kids changed in public but would put them in swimsuits - if they've always worn them, you don't have to explain later on why they now have to wear them.

the thing is there could be any kinds of pervs surreptitiously taking photos with their phones and whatever, for all you know posting pics on the internet. You are right to want them covered up. Presumably he has a towel so he could just wrap it round and quickly change their bottoms into swim trunks. At 3 you should be learning that certain parts are private I would think.

rantsalot

Hysterical bollocks

Having just read your last post, I think you are right to get tough because this is your dad making a point that he knows better than you. Anne Dickson has books on assertiveness that might be helpful.

Have you told your dad that you are considering nursery for them instead? If so, how did he respond?

It's not the one at the hub, is it?

Very inappropriate to be naked if so.

He got very huffy!

The big problem is (sorry, I am drip feeding and I honestly didn't mean to!) my dad got remarried a few years ago and his new wife doesn't like me so my dad keeps us apart.

She still works 2 days a week and so if my dad didn't have them then, they wouldn't see him at all if you follow me.

I DO think pervs frequent places where children are naked actually - in fact I know it. But that isn't the main reason I don't like it.

I think the fact that your father won't respect your wishes with regard to your own children must make things very difficult for you.

He says that he wants to look after them, which is great, but he needs to acknowledge that, as their mother, your beliefs about whether something is appropriate for these children are paramount to his views.

I feel for you, OP, because the main issue here should be your feelings, not your father's.

So what if it's no big deal to him that your children are naked in public - it IS a big deal to you, so he should do as you ask.

It must feel like you're trying to assert your authority, but being ignored, which would be very upsetting.

I'd want to know that the people caring for my children would do so according to the guidelines I ask them to follow.

I think I'd go for the nursery option, to be honest.

This isn't really an issue about swimming costumes and fountains, it's about respect, authority and control, imo.

Holyshow it's near New Look? I'm not a native Liverpudlian (I live in Warrington) but my dad now lives near there. I work in Liverpool as I am a primary school teacher so it's easy to drop the DDs off and pick them up.

I'd have no problem with it at a beach but wouldnt like to do it in a hopping centre, and you've pt your finger on it, I'd hate to feel they were getting the disapproving looks

I thought it sounded like the fountains in Liverpool! DD ran through across once. She didn't know about the water and got drenched

YANBU to not want your children running naked in the city centre imo. I think on the beach is different as they wouldn't be the only ones IYSWIM but they'd stand out a bit in the city. It does sound fun tho, but jus as much fun if they at least have their pants on.

So he wouldn't be prepared to give up any other time to see them? He sounds very my way or the highway. Not sure I would want that as a major influence on my kids.

And I totally agree with HumphreyCushion above. It's a respect issue. Your dad doesn't think you deserve any.

And I totally agree with HumphreyCushion above. It's a respect issue. Your dad doesn't think you deserve any.

I don't really Eighties but there are no other family on my side and DH sadly lost both his parents so they have no other grandparents aunts or uncles and I do feel sad for them. As I said as well, to be fair they love Grandad and spending time with him. :(

I wouldn't be happy either, if he would just dress and undress them in public then I would just be firm and say I don't want them to go at all.

If all or lots of the kids were naked, I wouldn't think anything much about my own joining them, in fact if I were there that's what they'd most likely be doing. But in a city environment where the children have clothes on? No way.

I'm sorry to raise this, but are you confident about your father's attitude towards the children? No bad memories from when you were young? Apart from your dad being a bit of an anarchist, I mean. And even at that, I wonder if he likes to make an idiot out of someone else rather than himself.

I say you let him know how things must go with the kids, or he's not a suitable minder for them.

your father should not go against your wishes.
why is your father making your children naked anyway? that is inappropriate.
and yes, they are being displayed. their bodies are being made available for anyone to see. that isn't something you would do and it isn't something your father should do. people who want to do that, can, but you don't want it.
if he won't listen, stop leaving your children with him.

Tei Nothing like that, no, he's just very "my way or the highway" as somebody has said, I do frequently find him embarrassing and irritating and thoughtless, at the same time he does (in his own very bumbling sort of way) mean well.

He takes the DDs into town while he does bits of shopping/goes to the bank, then has lunch with them and if it's hot, strips them off and in they go. They love it and on a hot day I understand that but I just can't see why they can't just go in in their underwear, even.

I just feel sad for the DDs.