AIBU to think about rehoming my 'new' cat ?

[BlueBirdsNest]

Have posted in the litter tray about the cat , and got some good advice

But I'm seriously considering not keeping her and re-homing her, and I feel a bit crap about even thinking that

She has been with us for 6 days

Bites, scratches , hisses and spits .

Would I be the worst prson in the world if I re-homed her?

OP have you tried Feliway (?) - I think that is what it is called. You plug it in and it releases something which reminds cats of suckling - apparently is good for stress, though I have never tried it (am ordering some this week though as I'm moving house soon and my two will hate that).

The day my little cat decided to make friends with us was wonderful. She was hiding on the window ledge behind the curtains one evening and we were watching TV, she stuck her head out from between the gap in the curtains, meowed and jumped onto the arm of the sofa and looked at us with her head on one side.

That night she brought us an enormous mouse and dropped it by the bed. Never looked back after that.

Please don't rehome her - give her a chance!

Think about it. The only life she's ever known, with her family for 8 years, is suddenly replaced by strange people, smells, places, everything new. Cats - for all their aloof independence - are not robots. She would have have had an immense attachment to her former family. That has been all taken away. She needs love, patience and security - the exact opposite of what you're proposing!

It's not about her hating you - that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, sorry! She is scared, unsettled, has no familiarity and has had her life thrown up into massive chaos. I sometimes get upset about the possibility of giving my little beast away - what if we had to her, and her next owners were like you? That prospect is unbearable! Cats that have been domesticated need security as much as the next person/animal. She needs to know she can trust you, that you're going to stick around.

Get some Feliaway plugins to calm her, get some lovely food to keep bribing her with, and get some compassion and patience for her!

BlueBirds, you sound much more positive again.

She certainly doesn't 'hate' you and your family; she's just new and scared (like a new kid at school!)

And I agree with those who say to ignore the comment from janelikesjam. Her behaviour sounds totally normal for her circumstances.

If she's felt brave enough to get up on the window sill, that is a good sign.

Persevere. I think you'll be rewarded, and your rescue cat will have a lovely home.

What's her name, BTW?

The fact she was with an owner for 8 years is good news as it means she is not just a difficult cat that has been passed around. It sounds like she will settle down and be a really loving cat once she's worked out you are her new family. I would just ignore and let her suss things out at her own speed. She'll probably surprise you by jumping on your knee one day soon.
I would get the Feliway plug in thing if you haven't already to try and calm her down.
The first month or so of new cats is usually difficult and it's fine to wonder if you've done the right thing - but you have.

Wouldn't surprise me if she just is not suited to living with other cats. That's not her fault, but it may be impossible to change. I'd give it a few months before deciding what to do.

There must be a no-kill charity in your area.

DontEat, I don't think the OP has other cats.

This one is most likely just unsettled as everything is new and scary.

Please please please don't give her away/rehome.

I got a rescue cat nearly 3 years ago and he was horrendous - constant hissing, lashing out, biting, wouldn't be touched, held etc. I still have the scars - he ripped my hands to shreds! Fast forward a a few years and he is the most loving cat you could ever hope to meet - greets at the door, sits on laps, nuzzles etc. Please give her a chance.

I just kept at it - started by getting a big old scratching post and those fishing rod style toys, then you can play with her without physical contact and she can take out her aggression on the scratching post rather than your skin. Then progress to toys that bring you a bit nearer (Pets at Home do one called a 'giddy kipper' which is a big catnip stuffed fish which you can do a sort of tug of war with - again she can bite that not you!).

Personally, I would shy away from the feliway - you want the cat to be comfortable with you as are (I would have thought as soon as you stop using it, she would go haywire again).

Please keep her.

Bluebirds - stick with it, my DarlingCat2 took over a year to settle down, we got him from a farmer who had never bothered to spay his farm ratter and had a litter where all but our kitten died, his first human contact was being shoved in a cat carrier and then 3 hours in a car, the first week he hid under the couch and would only come out to briefly eat or use the litter tray.

He's still a bit of a shit (will hit you on the head when you're walking up the stairs) but he's also very affectionate. we hardly touched him for the first 6 months, because it obviously upset him so much, and eventually he started coming to us for affection, but I can still remember the first time he decided that falling asleep next to me on the couch was a safe thing to do.

Made me the happiest person around (until I had DD)

sorry, I got impression from OP's other thread that there were other cats in the household.
Is this cat used to young children, I think OP does have young children in the house?
I am just thinking it might not be the right new home for the cat, anyway.

Maybe they do, but I don't think she mentions it here ...

Yes, there are children in the household, going by these posts, but I think the cat just needs much longer, and different handling, and she will settle.

Blue, I think if she was happy and lived with people for 8 years she'll settle in pretty quickly! She won't be all terrified as the feral cats can be (I have one I've had since he was tiny, he still sometimes acts like I've got a bit of kitty meat stuck in my teeth!).

I'm sorry she scratched your DS, have him lie on the floor near her space and read a book. She'll have a chance to see him, watch him do nothing scary, and feel a little more confident. Also, don't stare. Staring is very aggressive behavior for cats, if you make eye contact, blink and look away. She'll know this means you saw her, but aren't interested in attacking her. Think about how cats stare at their prey, this is what she thinks you're doing when you stare.

If she lets you come close, you can hold out your hand, but turn your head, or lower your eyes. she'll be much more confident that you are not a threat.

I know it sounds mad, but it really works! I've had lots of cats, and some take to people and some don't, but all the scaredy cats come around.

Also, don't try to pet her head, just give her bum a scratch when she isn't looking. for some reason this is much less threatening.

Glad to hear progress is being made. So long as you all follow the excellent advice given above about giving her a safe space, ignoring her, avoiding eye contact and sudden movements, then progress should continue to be made. Make sure you talk a lot when she's around, keeping a nice level tone and rabbiting any old rubbish, but so that she gets to recognise your voice.

If you've had several cats you should know by now that cats don't have the concept of "hate". That's a human construct. Aggressive/defensive behaviour is either because of fear (as in this case), defending territory/young or, extremely rarely, because of a medical condition. Anthropomorphising your cat's reactions isn't particularly helpful. You say you don't want her to be distressed - trust me, she will be far, far more distressed if after only a week she is taken to yet another unfamiliar place and has to start the whole process again.

It's nothing personal, OP, she's just a scared animal who needs you to understand her and her instincts.

OP, it can be done, even with the scariest of cats. I lived with my sister for a while and she had the demon cat from hell, who would outright attack anyone who entered the flat apart from my sister. At one point she went all Beelzebub and had me cornered, hissing and spitting at me and I had to use a pushbroom as a barrier to get out of the room! A couple of weeks later she was my buddy, would run to meet me for cuddles when i came home, and I was the only person who could pick her up for a fuss apart from my sister.

You've got to give it time and learn to speak her language--all cats are different.

(If you live in East Anglia, you could always bring her to me--I love reforming a moggie!)

YANBU - hang on a bit and you will have a lovely cat who you couldn't live without.

They take time to settle, as everyone points out, and the initial hissy fits bear no relation to what they are like long term. My darling tabby did three arteries of mine in the first month. Now is adorable fudgy bagpuss, even puts up with small children worshippers.

These descriptions of an animal's primal need for love and security - overcoming fear and previous brutalising treatment - are very moving.

'adorable fudgy bagpuss'. What a lovely phrase.

Bloody allergies.

It really is special when they purr for the first time, sit on your lap for the first time. You just have to be endlessly patient first...

I guess it depends if you are prepared to invest a lot of your time and patience in said cat.

I love having guinea pigs more than anything but a dog or cat totally isnt me and neverr woud be.

Only you can make the right choice and if you want to rehome the cat then, in the words of Nike, just do it. Maybe you might get a different cat in a year or more when you have more time to put into it.

I dont think youre being unreasonable.

thanks for everyone responses.

Things have moved on, and I'm glad to say positively!

I was lying on my bed yesterday watching an episode of CSI on my laptop and she came in, cautiously wandered about the room for 20 mins or so then leaped on the bed and came right up for a snuggle and was nudging my hand with head for a stroke!

And she purred.

It lasted about 20 mins but the smile on my face was big.

Thank you to everyone who told my I was being AIBU

She is still really really nervous, the most nervous cat I have ever met but she is growing on me day by day and I no longer think she hates us or is going to murder me in my sleep

:)

She'll be your best friend soon

One of our cats was practically feral when we got him from RSPCA several years ago.Bit and scratched all of us except youngest DD.She gave him loads of space.Think the rest of us we're trying too hard and expecting too much, too soon.
He'd obviously had a bad start and was very traumatised at being rehomed.
For a long time he sought refuge in youngest DDs room and slowly,slowly learnt to trust us all.
Now he is so soft and cuddly.He loves us all.And I love him to bits.
Glad to hear things improving !

You realise your cat is probably planning your demise?

I know mine is.

Our second cat was very hard to live with at the beginning and she hated our other cat. 9 years later, and a lot of hard work, she is totally different most of the time. She still goes for us if she's had enough attention so we have to watch for the change in her face.
Our first cat, also a rescue cat is the total opposite, she's loved being handled from day 1, particularly held like a baby, very affectionate and happily lets the DCs tickle her tummy. We don't do this with psycho, and the DCs have also learnt to treat them differently too.

That's great news, OP!