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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think about rehoming my 'new' cat ?

101 replies

BlueBirdsNest · 23/07/2012 14:47

Have posted in the litter tray about the cat , and got some good advice

But I'm seriously considering not keeping her and re-homing her, and I feel a bit crap about even thinking that

She has been with us for 6 days

Bites, scratches , hisses and spits .

Would I be the worst prson in the world if I re-homed her?

OP posts:
Benaberry · 23/07/2012 17:52

Both of our cats were rescues - one settled very quickly, but her underlying nature was so laid back she was horizontal anyway.

The other one by nature is much more highly strung (to put it mildly). We rehomed her at a year old just over 12 years ago, and it took her months to be vaguely chilled out and approach us on her terms, years to be able to get close to her when she was asleep without losing all the skin on your arm, and even now I won't let DS approach her when she sleeps as she can still easily startle awake with claws and teeth flying (although most of the time now claws are gloved if she has a pop for any reason). For the first few months we had her home, she used to sleep in the top of my wardrobe along the shoulders of my clothes - made trying to get something out for work very interesting in the mornings, as more often than not would have to withdraw bleeding fingers from wardrobe after getting another bop...

Funnily enough, even now, although you can pick her up for a cuddle, and she relaxes completely and drapes across your shoulder, she HAS to be up on your shoulder, and you have to be standing up. She still won't tolerate being held in your arms, or you sitting down with her, and will growl and spit until you either stand up or let go...

Its been a very long road with her, and on the whole she's very chilled out now, but I've got a feeling that's as much to do with age as anything else, she's 13 now and starting to slow down. Will miss her like anything when she finally goes, as to see the change in her over the years has been so incredible.

I guess what I'm trying to say is give yours time. We spent months convinced Socks hated us, and that we'd done the wrong thing, but little improvements were creeping in, and that gave us hope. Let the cat do things on her own terms - coming to you, rather than having hands stuck out at her; 6 days as said by others is nothing, and she's quite a bit older than Socks was when we brought her home. I'm sure she'll settle eventually, although she may still have some "quirks" that you'll have to accept, ours is proof of that!

Good luck Smile

Lizcat · 23/07/2012 18:00

The tailless cat moved into her forever home 3 weeks ago. As an experienced slave to cats who have sucked me in. I shut her in 1room for the first week visiting her regularly and just spending time with her while she got used to me. Then she has spent the next two weeks being allowed at for gradually longer periods of time to interact with me and the other members of the household when that is all we have to do.
I am lucky this time the tailless cat is so grateful to have a loving home that today she took her first foray into the great big outside for 5 minutes then shot back inside.
Last time the child eating cat (the lady who abandoned him called him this) took around 3 years to settle in his home and feel safe and secure.

Ratata · 23/07/2012 18:04

There's something wrong if the SPCA say they will put her to sleep, their advertising says 'we will not put a healthy animal down'.

If you give her to someone else she is going to act exactly the same. I really hope you keep her as it's really shit to take on an animal and then give them away again for no good reason. You have no good reason. You haven't given her enough time. As many other posters have said, it takes a good deal of time for cats to settle into new homes. 6 days is squat. Do the right thing and give her time to settle, leave her alone and let her come investigate you.

aJumpedUpPantryBoy · 23/07/2012 18:09

Grin Lizcat, I have spent so long hours and hours just sitting in the same room as a new cat waiting for them to interact with me.

nothinglefttolose · 23/07/2012 18:18

Some cat nip?
Speak to where ever you got her
We get our cats from cat protection the foster carers there have a wealth of knowledge and tips.Some cats just take longer than others to settle.
She probaly also senses you are nervous when you go near her.
Has she got her own area?
Our cats sleep in the boiler room
Cat beds etc all in there
Often if the house is noisy they will take to their own space.
Is someone at home during the day?
When we get a cat we usually try to ensure one of us is at home for at least a week to help settle the cat

Scheherezade · 23/07/2012 18:26

Is there anything familiar from her last home, a bed or old owners clothes for her to smell.

DukeHumfrey · 23/07/2012 18:30

Ratata - that's what the Cats Protection say: that they never destroy a healthy animal.

If that's not true then I am very Sad indeed.

janelikesjam · 23/07/2012 19:35

Why should you keep a cat that spits and scratches your child. It is not normal domestic cat behaviour either. Look after yourself and your child. Good luck OP, and I hope you find a nice pet soon.

Ratata · 23/07/2012 19:35

SPCA and Cats Protection League don't put healthy cats down so I've no idea where you got your information from there.

Ratata · 23/07/2012 19:37

janelikesjam it most certainly is domestic cat behaviour if the cat has come from a bad environment or settling into a new home.

xkittyx · 23/07/2012 19:38

Completely disagree with janelikesjam. It's completely normal behaviour for a newly unsettled cat. It's not a child's toy it's a living being.
Not getting at you OP you sound genuinely concerned. Please give the cat some more time and space. Six days is nothing.

DukeHumfrey · 23/07/2012 20:23

Hopefully BlueBirds misunderstood, Ratata!

BlueBirdsNest · 23/07/2012 20:50

Ratata that was from the SSPCA .

She is currently up on the window sill, so progress is being made!

She is really cute

OP posts:
DukeHumfrey · 23/07/2012 20:56
BlueBirdsNest · 23/07/2012 21:11

thank you all...some really good advice here

I will speak to my vet tomorrow about the cat calming pheromones,

I think alot of my insecurity is because we have always had animals (mainly cats) and this is the first nervous one I've encountered so my first thought was she doesn't like us and that's not fair on her

I hate the fact she is so nervous and jumpy but reading other peoples post who say the had the same thing and the cat eventually settled gives me hope

OP posts:
kittyfishersknickers · 23/07/2012 21:19

She is just terrified. Rescue cats are often like this. Giving her a small space to curl up in will help - my two childhood rescue cats went for the cupboard under the stairs and the tumble drier (bit inconvenient).

Wait for her to approach you, don't approach her. Try to spend time in the room with her if you can, just being very still and quiet, not trying to approach, play with or cuddle her. She needs to get used to your smell and presence. It will take time. Tell the kids that she is very nervous and won't want people to touch her or go up to her for a while...

BlueBirdsNest · 23/07/2012 21:55

I have a question for people who have rescue cats

She has only had one poo so far(6 days, 5 nights), is this normal or does she need medical attention?

OP posts:
kittyfishersknickers · 23/07/2012 21:57

How much is she eating? Could just be the fact that she is stressed from the move and a bit constipated. I'm afraid it's ages since I last adopted a cat so I can't remember whether they pooed much to begin with

BlueBirdsNest · 23/07/2012 22:08

she is only grazing at the moment ....is not touching her wet food but has a nibble on the dry food

OP posts:
GrendelsMum · 23/07/2012 22:11

We got an igloo for our rescue cat - she absolutely lived in it for about 2 months, and then settled down and never bothered with it again.

But despite being with us for 6 months, she still has her own special hiding spots - she has her own blanket under our bed, for example, where she sleeps for substantial amounts of the day.

The Blue Cross were great - they got us to take our own blankets and the igloo into her cage in advance, so that they already smelt familiar when we brought her home, plus DH went to visit her a few times before she came home with us.

She was so shy when we adopted her, though, we were basically just adopting a pair of eyes and some fur peeking out of a box. Her back legs and tail might have been missing and we would have had no idea.

kittyfishersknickers · 23/07/2012 22:35

It's probably just because she's not eating enough, out of stress. It's not you, it's normal for rescue cats. As I said, it would be great if you could just spend 10 mins once or twice a day sitting quietly with her, with no one else around. She will get used to you, could take a week or a month.

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 23/07/2012 22:37

My cat hissed and spit and hid for ages! Poor thing is scared.

My cat is fine now.

geegee888 · 23/07/2012 22:39

YABU. SIX DAYS!!!

OTOH would the cat be sorry to leave a home where the expectation is that animals should behave like machines?

Are you familiar with keeping animals OP?

BlueBirdsNest · 23/07/2012 22:42

yes very much so geegee888

OP posts:
HecateHarshPants · 24/07/2012 07:15

How much has she eaten?

If you're worried, give the vet a ring.

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