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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel like I am doing this on my own.

34 replies

grantham84 · 21/07/2012 19:43

So I am 30 weeks pregnant. I have just been given a date for my csection. Needed as I have had 2 previous sections. Sadly both my parents have passed away and my siblings are dotted around country so I cannot rely on them for support and those eho live closer can't drive.
DH, is only able to take 3 days off work and may be able to work from home for a couple of days too. Originally when we discussed this I tried to emphasise that I will need help especially with school run, after school clubs etc. DH's response was "my mum will help".
So now section booked dh said "o so we will need to book breakfast and after school clubs for day of section". Err no, I thought your mum was helping. So his mum is now going to be around day of section to get dc to school and take them to hospital to see baby.
I think DH is planning to work from home on the days I am in hospital and I will only have 2 days of him being home with me. (assuming all is well of course)
He just seems to have completely forgotten that I am having an op. Today he expressed surprise that I was going to be unable to drive for a time. He had totally forgotten that you cannot drive after a csection.
Sorry long.

OP posts:
Kayano · 21/07/2012 19:45

How can he only take 3 days off? Sad I would feel really disappointed too op x

RandomMess · 21/07/2012 19:45

What happened to his legal entitlement to paternity leave...

Kayano · 21/07/2012 19:47

I would be foaming. If you are going to work the day your child is born or just after then you are a workaholic.

I wouldn't be disappointed actually op I would be gutted, and pissed as hell. You didn't make this baby on your own, you will have had major op! Angry

wrathomum · 21/07/2012 19:48

Is his work very busy? Is he not entitled to paternity leave?

Could he work more between now and the birth to get some time in lieu?

LindyHemming · 21/07/2012 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
grantham84 · 21/07/2012 19:49

Unfortunately his company will only pay SPP and he earns too much to take such a drop in salary even for a week.
Guess I am going to have to depend alot on friends in those early weeks.

OP posts:
Original poster
grantham84 · 21/07/2012 19:50

All along I have said that I don't think 3 days is enough. Yet he just doesn't seem to get it.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 21/07/2012 19:52

You need to get the Health Visitor to have a little word with him?

hazchem · 21/07/2012 19:53

Have you thought about
a) hiring a post natal doula for a week or so when you get out of hospital
b) saving some money between now and then so that you OH can take a week or two off and you would have enough to live on
It's a tricky situation but I know I;d wan more then 2 days with new little one and OH.

dreamingbohemian · 21/07/2012 19:53

I think it depends on why he is only getting 3 days off. If it's because his employers are twats and he'll lose his job, I have more sympathy, if it's just because he can't be bothered to take all his leave, well then I'm appalled.

How much can his mum help out?

Kayano · 21/07/2012 19:53

You have been pregnant for a while, could he nt have been putting some aside to spare even a few more days?

wannabedomesticgoddess · 21/07/2012 19:54

Sorry but surely you and his new baby is more important than money? If he earns so much why cant he put some money aside from now until then so he can cocer the time off?

I would be devasted at his attitude.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 21/07/2012 19:55

Cover not cocer.

doublecakeplease · 21/07/2012 19:55

Aww, hun - I'd be gutted - you're having a major op and will need help and support. Can he really not take more time off? I'd rather be skint than alone whilst he works.

dreamingbohemian · 21/07/2012 19:56

x-post

Does he have any holiday leave? Can you try to save up a lot before the birth?

cantthinkof1 · 21/07/2012 19:56

Does he not have holidays to take?

squeakytoy · 21/07/2012 19:56

So why can he not book regular paid holiday then?

Socknickingpixie · 21/07/2012 19:57

cant he book anual leave?

dreamingbohemian · 21/07/2012 19:58

Of course, if he just doesn't get it, none of these suggestions will help...

Can you take him along to your next medical appointment? Have the midwife or doctor explain to him how things will be?

Otherwise, I would make a calendar for the first two weeks, note every time slot and task for which you will need help, and have him fill in exactly who will help when.

Do you trust him to at least be super hands on when he's not working?

pigletpower · 21/07/2012 19:59

'He earns so much...' best stealth thread I've read in ages!

RandomMess · 21/07/2012 20:00

Which cheaper hiring you some sort of temp nanny for a few weeks or him only earning SPP?

Either way you need help from someone.

Original poster
grantham84 · 21/07/2012 20:00

Most of his annual leave is already accounted for. (Holidays booked before pregnancy.) Guess he could cancel leave (3 days at Christmas.) Might be a better option

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 21/07/2012 20:00

I just had my 3rd section with a husband who will only take 3 days P/L.

There are other types of leave though, right?

My DH took 10 days A/L as well as his 3 days P/L (and two public holidays) and only went back to work on Friday when DD3 was 3 weeks old.

Surely he could take paid holidays?

There is no way you are going to manage if he doesn't take more time off.

I'm recovering really well, but I'm still going to have my Mum helping a lot of the time for the next while.

RandomMess · 21/07/2012 20:02

Could he not take of 6 half days so he can do the help before and after school so you only have to cope with a few hours on your own with newborn during they day?

AThingInYourLife · 21/07/2012 20:03

Oops, x-posted

All his holidays are accounted for already?!