to be shocked by the unpleasant tone of some Mumsnetters?!

[oohdaddypig]

So - I've not been on mumsnet for very long. In the main most posters sound like lovely, supportive women - a bit like my mates but online. Sometimes there are good debates - and disagreements - nothing wrong with that.

But, deep breath, there seems to me to be a minority - but a reasonably sizeable minority - who seem to delight in being thoroughly unpleasant and downright aggressive to others.

I hasten to add this hasn't been directed at me (yet!)

But I read a number of threads - often about seemingly innocuous subjects, sometimes less so, and WHOAH - they turn pear shaped and, IMHO downright nasty or bitchy.

I know exactly what some responses to this will be (I'm thickening my skin in preparation) but is it too much to hope that internet posters adopt basic standards of politeness? Why does it sound like many mumsnetters are spoiling for a fight?

Which to my mind means, at the very least, not typing what you wouldn't be prepared to say to someone's face.

I said something on another forum that wouldnt have raised an eyebrow here, but it directly caused the closing of that site :o

I'm intrigued, bogeyface. Don't leave us in suspense...?

OP, I wouldn't stress it. If you think they're wankers, chances are 99% of other posters do too.

Holy Batman, Bogey! Are you legally allowed to tell us?

Its nothing really.

There was a woman who spent her entire career on that site being a bitchy snidey pita. She was snotty with everyone and thought herself very special. I was, at the time, newly pg and got utterly sick of it, so I called her on it. As with all people like that, she could give it out but not take it back and said some very nasty things to me. When I demanded an apology and said that people in glass houses shouldnt throw stones, she complained to the site owner as I was admin (but didnt have my admin hat on when I was in the row with her, we had seperate log ins). The owner was having some personal problems at the time and her OH wasnt happy about the amount of time she had to spend sorting out spats so she just closed the site the next day as she cba with it!

The site owner and I are still friends btw, no harm done, and she is much happier without the stress!

OP - I know exactly what you mean.

I generally try to behave on MN as I do in RL and often wonder if I was ever to meet one of the more outspoken, "bitchy" (as you put it) posters, whether they would be as nasty in RL as they appear to be on here.

Sometimes I'm really tempted to name change and post lots of mean, horrid comments like the ones you refer to and see whether it feels liberating or just downright uncomfortable...

savannahgirl. You mean to say there is a MN'er who DOESN'T Namechange and post meanie posts. I thought that was part of the Mummocratic Oath.

joking obviously

leanderbear you've got me thinking now

Maybe I'll give it a go.

Might need a few before I attempt it though - actually on second thoughts maybe I should keep my wits about me or I may default to "normal" mode and that would totally defeat the object....

I've never changed my name to be nasty. Is this because I'm nasty all the time, or because I'm just normal?

If you're all silent, I'll know I'm on your Lists. Know that your silence incriminates you!

I've never namechanged at all

My Book is Bumper but only true arse holes get in there so you are fine TheBigJessie.

I don't change my name to be mean but then I don't change my name at all.

I can't pm you Maryz. I don't have all the arse holes answers.

8Have you ever gone on NetMums or Bounty, LeQueen? I would love to see the fall-out and how long you would last*

netmums Banns are fierce they bann you for not very much over there not that i had a warning or 2 or anything like that

Mn is like this, I was shocked too when I first joined. Then I realised there's a multitude of people on here and you tend to mainly notice the aggressive ones but there are many many more that are lovely.

I think if you are a regular and not known for being an errant tosser, if you make an ill judged comment you will be called on it.

I said something bitchy last week and someone who I get on well with was decent enough to say 'why did you say that?'. Made me think and I apologised on the thread for being a twat.

Maryz

Oh yes, ventured forth out of AIBU - and yes, the rest of the site is also filled with very pleasant people, very funny people, wonderfully acerbic people and still - yep - a lot of unpleasant people. In fact, in Pregnancy, my first month here there was some drama from a slightly bonkers woman who was found to be posting nasty things about a bunch of people in Pregnancy on her FB Oh dear. Inexplicably I was one of the people she was bitching about, though I'd only conversed with her twice...maybe three times on one thread.

I was thinking about it before - what is it about MN that's different to other forums, and I think it must be the huge amount of people on here. It is massive. I mean really, really huge So I guess it's inevitable you're going to see more of everything.

All of this is just observation, rather than a flouncey complaint. MN does have something about it where people can be VERY nice, but equally very, very nasty. I've done my time moderating forums, been very attached and involved with online stuff before...I've finally learnt it's mostly just a bunch of people I will never meet so what does it matter if don't agree?

GetOrf - I've seen that sometimes, nothing makes me respect a poster more, well-known or not, than making an apology for an ill-judged comment. If we're big enough to be as forthright as MN is famed for, we should be big enough to admit when we're wrong. Good on you!

OP, like I said before, give it time and you'll see there's lots of support on here. It's not always of the pink fluffy variety, but comes in many guises. However, when someone needs a hug or a hand to hold, they get one - would everyone agree?

Great! I've just left another site because I couldn't take anymore of the nasty personal comments. Oh well... I think some people just have no life so need to pick on others instead. And people seem to need to be control, have a bit of power... I don't know! Anyway, I will see how I get on here!

If it was netmums you have nothing to fear.
You might get called a cunt on Mumsnet but I still reckon that is better than death by passive agressive manipulation.

And the bullies don't get to win by having their threads deleted on here.

is this copied and pasted from another thread. it all looks so familiar
well the op does