To think the term "rudeness" is outdated

[EclecticShock]

Now that we live in a multicultural society with lots of different social rules. Do you think the term "rudeness" as in not aligning yourself with society values is outdated? I believe there needs to be more tolerance towards others and more emphasis on "getting along" rather than segregating.

Aibu?

I don't see how a multicultural society can be used as an excuse for rudeness. I am all for getting along and not segregating but rudeness is never going to encourage either of them to happen.

YABU some things will always be viewed as unacceptable/rude in a society.

YAB completely unreasonable. There is a common set of manners that we use in Britain (and different sets of rules in other countries).

Having seen your previous posts on the spitting thread you seem to think that claiming things are cultural means you should not have to follow basic manners and hygiene despite the discomfort and offence that may be caused.

Can you give an example of what you mean OP?

Examples?

"getting along" almost implies that there is some agreed code of conduct ...

YABU. I'm glad that Brits have fairly strong, if unspoken, rules about politeness and don't want that to be diluted. For example, there are certain countries where it's acceptable to pee in peoples' doorways, eyebrows aren't raised about that sort of stuff.

I'd quite like the UK to keep reasonably high standards of behaviour, even if sadly Saturday night is carnage night in a lot of town centres.

And not everyone lives in a multicultural society, in fact most people don't live in London or other multicultural cities.

So if some peple don't 'get along' and actually are being rude about something, what shall we call it?

Do you mean stuff like Muslim men refusing to shake hands with women in a business environment, that sort of thing?

Just to make it clear, I'm not talking about basics like please and thank you and respecting eachother. I'm talking about things like not sending thankyou cards but doing it verbally. Or not eating everthing offered for whatever reason or sitting in front of someone in the cinema or next to them in a restaurant etc... The grey areas...

But those things aren't rude, they are just peoples differing approaches to things and have nothing to do with culture anyway (other than possibly the not eating everything thing)

The rudeness there would come from people who sulked if people didn't do things the way they wanted.

Yes mumble that kind of thing. Jewish men not shaking hands too, or people asking questions about your life which you find offensive but would be the norm in othe cultures. I'm talking about grey areas. Not putting a napkin on your lap to eat, asking for seconds.

YABU

For example. It is rude to push into a queue. That isn't seen as rude in some other countries (China seems to prefer the scrum approach over orderly queues) but that doesn't make it less rude in the UK.

YABU.

And I'm a bit confused, after reading the post where you try to clarify your original post.

In your opinion, are we allowed to use 'rudeness' when talking about basics like please and thank you and respecting eachother or not?

And the 'grey areas' you mention are often cases that could be viewed as not respecting other people.

Ok, let me rephrase the question. Can people who don't align with our cultural and societal norms be called rude justifiably?

Good point about the queuing, just interested really on where the boundaries are. I'm fully expecting to get flamed, so please don't hold back.

That would depend on what they are doing. If they are pushing into a queue they are being rude, if they politely explain they can't eat something because of their religion (or whatever reason) they aren't being rude.

YABU and ridiculous

I guess I wasn't aware people were offended by so many things until I used mn. I find it curious. We all have to live in close promixity to each other, why not be a bit more open and tolerant?

How much should people tolerate rudeness though? You seem to have a strange desire to excuse peoples bad behaviour for some reason.

It's not rude if someone doesn't know the rules. It is rude if someone is aware that something will cause offence and continues to do it regardless.

e.g. If a Chinese person pushes into a queue because they don't know about the British obsession with queuing that's understandable.

If they are told that in the UK it's considered impolite not to wait in line but they decide to push to the front anyway then that's rude.

I think the word 'rude' is overused on Munset. Synonyms could be used eg mannerly (please and thank you) which would be more appropriate.

I dont want to excuse "bad behaviour". My point is how do you define "bad behaviours". Surely, it's less clear cut now that we aren't following all the same rules? I don't think it's a stupid question.

Mumsnet

YABU because your grey areas will not be the same that the grey aresa of another Brit. Just look at the very heated discussion on here on what is polite at a wedding etc (like what sort of colour the mother of the groom is allowed to wear wo being 'rude').
And that's just inside our 'cultural norms'.
I think you will struggle to define what is a grey area where we should 'relax' and what isn't tbh.

The reality is that people scream rudeness and all that being down to 'being different' when there is actually a segregation between 'us' and 'them'. That can have more to do with racism than being rude or not.